Meaning Of Me

Torn, shattered and broken
None of those words begin to describe
The mess I found the day I found you
The hour you arrived

I heard you whisper in your dreams
One cold and drearie night
A quote you learned from a poem
Before you took flight

Those words haunt me to this day
Still they ring inside these halls
They were so raw and powerful
From lips not of mine, did they fall

And you said unto the cold night
Where you knew I lingered not
"For to God I'll journy forward
To walk in heavens field
And to anger, hate and torment
My body shall not yield."

Spoken with such vehemence
I sank unto my heels
For I was looking down at my own body
One I could not feel but read

And I raised my hands to god
In attempt to show my pain
And I called out to the father
I called out Jesus's name

I heard no howling of the wind
Nor the closing of the next door
I kneeled there for awhile
On the cold marble floor

And though I heard not a voice
I knew this battle was not mine
For god would see me through
My dark and troubleded times

When I realized just what I'd done
I gave myself a sudden shake
For no longer did I walk the ghostly relm
I was slowly transpiring- in attempt to be saved

My eyes burst open
Great gasping breaths took hold
I felt everything in that minute
Everything but the cold

As I lay here now
More alive than I can be
I hold the hand of my love
My eternity

And I feel a tear slip down my cheek
Then a gentle hand whipes it away
And says " Sweetheart whats wrong''?
I just shake my head
And say I'll rue the day

Rue the day that I'll forget
When my life became whole
Rue the day that I was able
To look down at my body and
See what was obvious to others
But to me untold....

You ask to elaborate
On just what I meant
I say it is nothing
Just an old friend

A look of confusion cross's
Your face- you look puzzled beyond belief
I tell you it's history that makes me
A better person than I use to be

And then you just pull me close
And whisper in my ear
" I love you baby,
And never will you have to worry if I will always be here"

I let those words soothe my once
Disrupted soul- never did I think
I would be here, not once was I told

With that I say "I love you"
Plain and deep inside
Never did I think I would see
Such a wonder and I'm still not sure why...