You Are Not Alone

You are Not Alone

Author's note: 'One out of ten children report being bullied in school, the other nine are too afraid to tell anybody...'
                       'Love is a powerful thing, too powerful sometimes...'
                       For my Grandad Arthur Atkinson, who died in 1999, and my Nana Patricia Atkinson, who died in 2005
                       For my Dad, David Atkinson, my mum, Lynne Atkinson and my brother, Ian Atkinson
                       For all my family, those near and those far
                        Also for Danny, Michael, Hayley, Joe, Vicki, Phillippa, Ian, Lucy and all my other great, loyal friends

         Laura Marion hated school, every day she dreaded it. Whenever the weekend came, she didn't enjoy it because she always worried about Monday. She didn't tell anybody about what happened at school. She had no friends, so each day she walked around the school, with tears in her eyes, alone. Nobody cared, nobody noticed her, not even the teachers seemed to care about how she felt. Each break time and lunch time, she would go to the corner under the trees, and block herself from the rest of the world. She would sit down, close her eyes, and picture nothing, make herself invisible. Then, she would walk inside, feeling empty and alone. She wasn't a rude girl, she wasn't a bully, she wasn't ugly. She was kind, thoughtful and very pretty. She had long brown hair, dark blue eyes and a pleasent smile. Of course, she didn't smile anymore. She had done absolutely nothing to deserve what she got at school. It seemed to her that nobody had a heart, nobody cared, nobody wanted her, nobody wanted to be near her, nobody wanted to be close to her.
         
         Life hadn't always been like that for Laura though. She used to have a best friend, and one of the closest friendships in the whole school. Laura and Sonya, did everything together. Though they were great, happy memories, Laura had ripped up the photos the night their friendship ended. She had walked home from school that afternoon, on her own, in the rain. She used to walk home each day with Sonya. As she walked, she began to weep. The tears that formed in her eyes that day would be a familiar thing from then on. The weeping developed into sobbing, and she ran home. When she got in, she didn't care what her mum or dad said, she just darted upstairs, ran into her room and collapsed onto the bed and cried into her pillow for the rest of the night.
          Her best - and only - friend had turned against her. They used to face the bullies together, like best friends should, for the two friends were bullied alot. She didn't know why, but they seemed easy targets to the bullies of the school. She could stand it with Sonya by her side, just as Sonya could stand it with Laura by her side. But, that day, Sonya brought her mobile phone into school. Laura's family didn't have enough to buy her anything like a mobile phone, and she had lost every Saturday job she ever had to someone 'better' than herself. Sonya's mobile phone was the latest one, and as you would expect, the bullies wanted a look. That lunchtime, as Laura began to walk across to Sonya in the dining hall, she looked on as five of the class bullies came and sat with Sonya. To her amazement, they all smiled at each other, even Sonya. Laura realised why when Sonya pulled out her mobile phone. But, she decided to walk over, wondering if the bullies would finally like her. So, she approached the table, and said hello to everyone.
"Uh, what do you think you're doing?" said one of the bullies.
"I... I was coming to sit with Sonya..." replied Laura.
"Yeah, well, you can't. We're sat here now, and she doesn't want you as a friend anymore. So, take a hint and FUCK OFF!" said another bully. Laura looked at Sonya, who was now laughing along with the bullies. She couldn't beleive what she was seeing, her own best friend, the one who had stuck by her through the high school bullying that almost everyone goes through, had turned against her. It felt like something inside had been ripped out of her, and trodden on like some dirty piece of rubbish. So she walked away, feeling devastated. And that's how it all began. That's how the loneliness began. She sat down on her own, and ate her lunch slowly and quietly, playing over in her head what had just happened, and feeling worse off because of it. She was the last out of the dining hall that day, and as she moped around the playground, people pointed and laughed. So ran around, looking for somewhere she could escape from life. She found the quiet corner under the trees, and has sat there every break time and lunch time ever since.
         But, one day, as she walked towards her corner, the tears forming in her eyes yet again, she looked behind her to see a boy was standing near. Every few seconds, he looked at her, and then looked away. This freaked her out a bit, so she hurried accross to her corner. She sat down, and looked round, to see that by now the boy was closer. She was getting scared now, thinking he was going to bully her just as everyone did. So she closed her eyes and blocked him, and everyone else, out of existance. Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She opened her eyes, and looked round. Standing behind her was the boy who seemed to be following her.
"What do you want?" she asked timidly.
"I noticed you were alone, and thought you might want someone to hang round with." he replied.
"No, I don't!" she snapped at him. But he didn't seem to mind, and he sat down next to her. She looked at him, shocked and waited for him to hit her or start calling her names, but he didn't.
"My name is Ryan," he said, "I already know your name, it's Laura Marion, right?"
"Yes," she replied, "but what do you want?"
"I told you, I wondered if you wanted anyone to hang round with!" he said as he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"No, I told you I don't!" she said angrily, and she pushed his hand off and turned around. So Ryan got up and left.
         When Laura got home, she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened at lunch. 'Maybe he did want to help me, if that's possible of someone in that crappy school' she thought. 'Or maybe it's just a con so he and his mates can bully me'. She thought about him for the rest of the evening.
         That night, as Laura settled down into bed, she put in the headphones of her cheap MP3 player which she found at a car boot sale for 50p. She listened to her favourite song, 'Sweet Dreams are Made of These' by the Eurythmics, and settled off to sleep with the headphpones still in her ears.
         
         The next morning, Laura woke up and realised that last night she hadn't cried herself to sleep. She got dressed and went downstairs. The house was empty as her mum and dad had already left for work. She poured herself some cereal and walked into the front room with it. She placed it on the coffee table and switched on the television. As she watched, she carried on thinking about Ryan and how he had offered to help her. Today, she was going to find out if he was serious or not.
         Laura set off earlier than usual for the long walk to school, and when she arrived, she stood at the gate and waited, looking for Ryan. She looked to her left and saw Sonya walking along the street amongst ten girls she knew hated her. So she ran down the street and hid behind the brick wall which lead into the school car park. She heard footsteps behind her and swung round to see Ryan once again approaching her. She walked towards him aswel.
"Ryan, I... I'm sorry about yesterday. Were you... were you serious, did you really want to... hang round with me? Help me?" she asked timidly.
"Of course I did. Sorry if I frightened you, but I noticed you a few days ago, how you were always on your own. I've been keeping an eye on you and wondering how to approach you. It just didn't seem right to me that you should always be on your own, so I decided to try and help you," he replied, "You looked so upset, and I couldn't stand it."
"I didn't know there was anybody with a heart in the whole school." said Laura solemly. She looked into his eyes, and for the first time in months, she felt happy, cared for, safe, not alone. Suddenly, the school bell rang.
"I'll see you at lunch time!" shouted Ryan as he ran off towards the doors. Laura decided to run the long way so she could come to terms with what had just happened. She ran through the gates and in the doors. She slowed down as she walked through the double doors into the main school building. She walked up the two flights of stairs and into her form room, smiling.
         
         That lunch time, she walked into the dining hall. She saw Sonya and her 'friends' sat in one corner. She looked around for Ryan, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it had been too good to be true, maybe this was Ryan's idea of a joke. She turned around, ready to leave and go out into the yard to eat her lunch in the corner as she had done ever since her friendship with Sonya ended. As she was about to leave, she saw Ryan, and at the same time he saw her. He waved and smiled. She felt a wave of releif flooding through her, and she smiled and waved back. They found a seat and sat down next to each other.
"I...I uh...I just can't beleive it. It... it was only yesterday that I was... alone..." said Laura, looking down at the table.
"I know, you think nobody has a heart. Well I assure you, I care. You see, my other friends have turned into complete dick heads. When I mentioned helping you, absolutely none of them wanted to know. None of them cared. It felt like I was the only one. They thought I was weird but, I don't know. When I saw you, I just had to help. It felt like I cared about you there and then and that I had to do something!" exclaimed Ryan. Laura felt tears forming in her eyes once more, but she was not upset. She was happier than she ever had been in months, she was crying with happiness!
"You gave up your friends... to help me?" asked Laura, who was getting more shocked with everything he said, every word he spoke seemed to ease the pain she had been experiencing for as long as she could remember.
"That's right," he replied, "They weren't good friends anyway, they always seemed to be nasty to other people, and I hated them for that. But the way they talked about you, the way they didn't care, I couldn't stand it."
"Look at us!" said Laura, "We're pouring our hearts out to each other, and we hardly know each other! And in the dining hall of all places!"
"Do you want to stop?"
"No," said Laura softly, as she placed her hand on his, "Never." Laura looked down at her hand resting on Ryan's. He was right, they hardly knew each other, but she couldn't help it. She felt closer to him than she had ever done to anyone. It was crazy, but that's why she trusted it. "I really can't thank you enough, Ryan. I haven't felt happy in months, and I've hardly known you a day, but I feel safe with you. Thankyou, so much." They ate together, whilst talking. Without noticing they kept edging ever so closely to each other. Laura trusted Ryan with all her heart, but she prepared herself for any let down that might happen, because no matter what Ryan said, she hardly knew him.
         
         The next day, when Laura got to school, she once again looked around for Ryan. But she couldn't see him, so she turned around and headed for the building when Sonya and the other bullies jumped out at her.
"Just where do you think YOU'RE going, you stupid bitch?" asked one of the bullies. Laura hesitated. She looked around her. The girls who had bullied her all the way through high school were there once again with her ex-best friend. But meeting Ryan had given her an extra boost of confidence, and she looked deep inside herself. She wasn't scared of them anymore. She looked back into her past, and saw that these girls, though they had verbally abused her, they had never physically hurt her. She looked down at her feet and began breathing heavily.
"Awwww is ickle Laura going to cry?" asked Sonya, mockingly. Laura looked up and the other girls saw that she was not upset, but she was angry. Very angry.
"That is IT!" screamed Laura, as the bullies looked on in amazement. "I have had enough of you stupid COWS bullying me, and this is the LAST TIME you will EVER GET AT ME!" She lashed out with her fist at Sonya. Sonya fell to the floor with a loud thud, and the other girls ran. Laura looked down at Sonya, smirked, waved and walked away towards the school building. Sonya looked round in amazement, got quickly to her feet and ran after the other girls. Laura suddenly realised what she had just done, and also realised she was lucky. There was someone who cared about her, she wasn't scared of the bullies anymore, and most of all, she was happy. No matter how much into her heart she looked, she could not figure out why her feelings for Ryan were so strong after merely two days, and also why his feelings were so strong for her.
         
         At lunchtime, she once again met up with Ryan.
"Ryan, I'm really confused." she said, "I don't know why we're so close after just two days."
"Neither do I. I mean we hardly know each other like you said. But like I said, when I saw you alone, I felt a strong caring for you, and that just stuck."
"Wow, you know I still can't believe that someone actually cares about me. Maybe that's the reason my feelings for you are so strong, because it feels like you're the only one who cares." She smiled at Ryan, and Ryan smiled back. "Most boys are idiots in this school," she said, "I didn't think there was a decent boy, or a decent person for that matter, anywhere in this school."
"Well, you're decent," he said softly.
"You really think so?"
"Yeah, I mean you'd never hurt anybody!" Laura rolled her eyes, looking guilty. "Would you?"
"Well, this morning, this group of girls and my ex-best friend walked up to me. They've been bullying me for as long as I can remember, but it got worse when my so called 'friend' joined them, so this morning, I lashed out at her, and they all legged it. She was floored! I've been feeling kinda guilty about it."
"Why?" asked Ryan, looking shocked.
"Why what?"
"Why have you been feeling guilty? I mean, they've been bullying you. And your ex-best friend especially deserved the punch you gave her!" Laura's face lit up as she looked at Ryan, and Ryan smiled back at her. It was at that moment she realised what was happening in her life. Something she had not felt for a long time. And it was happening very fast.
         
         The next day was Saturday, and Laura had invited Ryan to her house. At about 2:00 PM, she was sat at her window, almost shaking she was so nervous. Ryan was due in ten minutes. This was the first time she had ever had a boy round to her house , and she didn't know exactly how to react. She looked at the clock, it was now 2:05. She lay down on her bed and closed her eyes, telling herself to calm down. Before she knew it, she heard the doorbell, she jumped up and peered out of the window to see Ryan at the door. She sat back on her bed, and said to herself 'OK Laura, this is it. Brace yourself and act normal. Be yourself.' She jumped off her bed and walked cautiously downstairs. Her mum had already opened the door and was greeting Ryan. As Laura stepped into view, Ryan looked right at her. Laura looked timidly away and smiled nervously. Laura's mum looked at them both, each in turn and said "I'll leave you two alone then", and she walked out. Ryan walked calmly over to Laura, which somehow calmed her down aswel. He smiled, and looked right into her eyes again. She returned the smile and said "Should we go upstairs?", to which Ryan replied "Of course!" Laura began to climb the stairs, and Ryan followed. She opened her door and walked in, and headed straight for her bed to sit down. Ryan walked in, cooly as ever and looked around.
"Nice gaff!" He said, in a very laid back tone. Laura laughed shyly and gestured Ryan to acompany her, sat on the bed. He walked over and sat down, still looking around. Laura, suddenly felt calm yet again, it was like Ryan had an effect on her that made her feel that nothing mattered other than Ryan and herself. He looked at her and smiled once more. "So," he said, "What've you been up to?"
"Oh nothing much," she replied. Without thinking, she moved her hand onto Ryans. As soon as she felt his touch, she swiftly moved her hand away. "Sorry, I didn't mean..."
"It's OK," he cut her sentence short. He moved his hand to the top of her arm, and slowly moved it down until he was touching her hand. She gazed up at him and wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the words. So she followed instinct and lay her head on his shoulder. She couldn't believe what was happening, but she enjoyed every minute of it. She suddenly felt Ryans hand softly on her shoulder, and she realised he had his arm round her, as if to protect her from all the evil that she had enjured in her life so far. She then felt his other hand leave hers, and he touched her chin. He lifted her chin slowly upwards, and moved his head down to hers. He kissed her, so softly it felt like she had been touched by an angel. She felt herself falling backwards, and soon enough they were both lying down. They were both wrapped in each others arms. They were still kissing, so passionately she didn't want it to end. She felt his hand touch the back of her neck and then move down her back, and up to her neck again. She felt something that was so sweet that words simply cannot describe it. She felt in love. But at the same time, she felt it was more than love, but that was impossible, wasn't it? Slowly, she opened her eyes a little, and saw Ryan's face, and knew immediately that it was meant to be. She closed her eyes again. Gently, she moved her hands around his back, and he did the same. She moved her hands up the back of his t-shirt without realising. She opened her eyes to see Ryan's reaction, but he was fine, and looked to be enjoying it even more. Softly, Ryan moved his hands up her back again, but he was so careful as to not do anything she wouldn't want him to. The kissing stopped and they looked at each other. Out of instinct, she sat up and slowly took off her top, and Ryan did the same. They held each other again, simply looking into each others eyes.
"Turn around," whispered Ryan, and she did. She felt his arms wrap around her, holding her. He leaned over and whispered into her ear "Love, it is a flower, and you, it's only seed. It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance, it's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to care, and the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live." It was a song she knew, and she turned round again to face him, and continued it.
"When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you speak that love is only for the lucky and the strong. Just remember, in the Winter, far beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the suns love in the spring, becomes the rose." She looked at him, and once more they kissed. She felt his tongue in her mouth, and they were kissing properly, making love, and she loved him so much it was unbelievable. His hand moved down her back, over her waist and onto her legs. She did the same and moved her hand back up. They held each other tighter. They stopped kissing, and sat up, Ryan with his arm around Laura.
"You are so beautiful, and I love you so much." He assured her. She looked up at him and smiled. Suddenly, her mother burst into the room, without nocking, as usual and she began talking until she saw them, topless on Laura's bed.
"GET OUT!" she yelled at Ryan. "GO ON! GET OUT OF MY DAUGHTERS BEDROOM NOW!"
"Mum! No!" shouted Laura.
"AND YOU, YOU BETTER HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR IN MY HOUSE!" Laura felt a tear come to her eye and she looked at Ryan, who was now putting his top on. He looked back down at her, and saw her teary eyes, and he knelt down.
"I love you," he said, and he kissed her once more. Then he stood back up, and looked at Laura's mum, before running out of the room, downstairs and out the door. Laura looked up at her mum, sobbing and angry. She snapped at her mum "What was that? We were only kissing!"
"Aye," said her mum, "I'll bet!" Laura jumped up, pushed her mum out of her room, shut the door and pushed a few heavy boxes in front of her door. She slipped her top back on and looked out the window. It was dark now, and she had no idea yet where Ryan lived. But that wasn't going to stop her. She grabbed hold of the first thing she could find and threw it straight through the window. She jumped out of the window, cutting her feet on the glass but not caring. She fell from her bedroom to the grass below, and landed heavily, her head smashed off the ground. She got up and felt a sharp pain through her ankle, aswel as feeling incredibly dizzy. She looked down and felt it, it was broken. She didn't care, all she cared about was Ryan. Already she could hear footsteps on the stairs and the door opening. She moved as fast as possible out of the gate and down the street, not looking back to see her mum.
         By now, Laura was in the middle of the town, all around her were chavs, drunks, people out in clubs, some of them looked at her strangely, most simply didn't pay attention to her. As she was running, she heard police sirens and she knew they were after her. She hid in a clump of bushes and peered out as the cars sped past. She got up and carried on running. She remembered Ryan saying something about Mantel street, but even so she had no idea where that was. She looked around for a signpost, someone to ask, she couldn't ask the police. She carried on walking, and made her way up to Barnol Housing Estate, which was huge. She ran as fast as she could, her ankle in agony. She looked up at a street sign, and she could just make out the name 'Mantel Street'. She was in luck. She limped along looking in every window. She remembered that Ryan liked Greenday, so looked through windows for any posters. There weren't any. She shouted out in despair, "Ryan! Ryan!" before collapsing onto the pavement.
         Ryan was in his bedroom, thinking about what had happened, when something brought him to look out of the window. He saw Laura on the floor. He ran downstairs and into the living room. His parents were never in, and hardly cared about him, so he didn't even consider calling them. He burst out the door, and ran out the gate. He darted over to Laura and sat next to her. He slid his arms under her back and behind her knees and pulled her onto his lap. "Laura," he sobbed, "Laura wake up...please wake up..." One of his hands was under her head, and he pulled it out and looked. It was soaked in blood. He looked back down at her, and noticed that her face still had colour in it. He saw her mouth move, and she said quietly, "Ryan, Ryan help me..." Ryan picked her up and took her in his house. He placed her on the sofa and called an ambulance. He stayed in the ambulance with her and talked to the paramedic.
"What's her name, son?" asked the paramedic, as he filled in the form.
"Laura Marion." he replied.
"Thanks. Wait a minute, isn't she the one they're looking for?"
"What?" Ryan looked stunned.
"Wait a minute...your hands are covered in her blood!"
"What? Who's looking for her?"
"Laura Marion went missing a few hours ago! It was on the local news! You...you kidnapped her! You evil bastard!"
"You can't just accuse me!" Ryan exclaimed. But it was too late, the paramedic had already allerted the driver, and the driver had pulled over and was on his phone to the police.
"SHE NEEDS TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL!" yelled Ryan. The paramedic joined the driver outside. Ryan looked around. He bent down and leaned towards Laura. He whispered to her "I'll get you to the hospital, don't you worry." He kissed her softly and she turned slightly and moved her hand across his face. He jumped up and ran to the drivers seat. He started the engine, and though he had no idea what he was doing, began driving. He was all over the road, and he tried to swerve out of the way of other cars. Suddenly he heard sirens and looked in the wing mirror, and saw five police cars following them. He pressed his foot even harder on the pedal and the ambulance zoomed away. He looked at the speedometer, which now read 120 MPH. He didn't care, he just had to get Laura, his only true love, to the hospital. He realised that somebody was going to be killed if he didn't slow down, so he decided he must, because Laura was in even greater danger like this. He slowed down, and saw the sign for the hospital. He swiftly pulled into the ambulance bay and jumped out. He pulled Laura out and into the waiting room.
"She needs help...quickly!" He sobbed. Two nurses got hold of the stretcher and took her to a care centre, while a doctor came and took Ryan away. "No!" he exclaimed, "She can't be alone, let me stay with her!" but the doctor took him away to wait elsewhere.
         A few hours had passed, and Ryan was still sat in the room. He had not had a wink of sleep, nor had he heard anything about Laura. It was funny, he thought, that such a simple think can lead to something so terrible. Suddenly, there were sirens outside. He peered out the window and saw two police cars, from which four police officers appeared. They walked into the hospital and were greeted by the owner. Ryan sat back in his seat, when there was a nock at the door. One of the officers walked in.
"Now," said the officer, ominously "We've had reports that you know something about this Laura Marion, the one who went missing yesterday night. So tell us sir, what do you know?" Ryan looked at the officer.
"All I know is I found her outside my house with a very bad cut to the head, and she was unconcious. Laura is my..."
"Lover, we know. We've already spoken to her mother, who doesn't seem to happy about what you two were getting up to. But let's not go into that, that's none of my business. Apparently, the guys in the abulance that picked you two up say that you're the one who kidnapped her, now I personally can't see this being true, but we'll still have to take you down to the station for questioning." Ryan nodded and the officer ushered him onto his feet. Ryan walked out the door, but turned around to face the officer.
"Let me stay with her please, please let me see her." Ryan said, as he looked down at the floor and felt a tear coming to his eye. The officer nodded at the doctor that had taken him to the room, and the doctor turned to face Ryan.
"Now, not too long, son. She needs her rest." Ryan followed the doctor to a private bedroom, where he saw Laura lying with her eyes closed. Ryan moved swiftly over to her. He stroked her face gently, and her eyes opened slowly.
"Ryan?" she said quietly.
"I'm here," he replied.
"Thank goodness,"
"What happened?" he asked, with a very concerned look on his face.
"I...when you'd left I was so...angry with my mum. I smashed the window and jumped out."
"But why? Why do that? You could've died!"
"I know, but I had to see you." She lifted her hand and touched his face. "I love you,"
"I love you too," They both smiled at each other. Ryan leaned down and kissed her softly. Then the officer appeared in the doorway.
"Come on now lad, we have to go to the station." said the officer to Ryan.
"I'll be back, Laura," Ryan said, and he got up and left.
         Laura had just seen Ryan leave, when her mum and dad walked in. Her mum was in tears, and her dad simply had a blank look, but it was obvious that he was worried, as he was never blank. Her dad was the first to speak.
"Why did you do it, love? You could've died."