please lord release me

oh lord please release me. kill me. remove this pain.

My friend tells me in the evening. that he thinks me a good friend...that if I tried. I could be more. he tells me that he likes me.

no one has before.

the next day we meet and the topic turns to his ex girlfriend. my friend.

his words accusing he asks me, daring me to deny. that I had helped his ex. desert him.

my mind flutters back to the day when she came to me.

in tears and utter anguish.

she tells me the story of the awful relationship

sparing me the good

and sharing all the bad.

she says that he wants sex. and thats something she won't give.

and she says that he is selfish

insensitive

oppressive.

she tells me that she would be happier without him.

and she looks to me for reassurance

to say that this would be ok.

I say to her.

from what you've told me

then that would be a good decision

that day she breaks up with him.

and the spring returns to her step

she is liberated

free.

happy once again.

I go online and he's there.

begging for help.

get me back my girl he pleads.

and so I become his shoulder. even though I was so mad

that he should treat my friend so.

but watching him become so sad.

threaten to end his life.

because she left him

listening to him talk

keeping him alive.

I fall for my friends ex. though that I thought I'd never share.

and now he's there waiting.

for me to reply.

so I am honest. though it breaks my heart

for now I know

that all is lost. that he can never be my friend.

I tell him that I did not know

what things were really like

that I only knew what she wished to divulge.

I know now that I have lost them both.

for though she does not regret leaving him

she has found someone better to talk to

than me.

I am alone in this world

surrounded by fickle friends.

my heart is breaking and no one cares.

I cannot keep them happy

I want to leave

to give up

this feeling is so strong.

I do not know if I shall be here to write once more.

if this is my last poem.

my last heart wrenching message.

to those who will never know.

I cared about everyone.

the sad. the happy the cool the outcast. everyone. even those who would rather see me dead.

I was there for everyone. and it became too much.

in trying to help everyone i neglected those I should trust.

this man that I thought was my friend.

the one that liked me back.

he only said he liked me.

so he can crush me like an ant.

he has won . along with all the rest.

I hope you see no more of me.

it will mean that I am at rest.

if this is my last message

then i tell you pray that you do not end up

in the same place I am.

the place where you give up.

hold on to life with a vengance.

for as soon as you loosen your grip

people attack. they make sure. that you never really stick.

I have been hated since the age of 3.

by my own family.

never had friends to talk to.

untill last year.

and now I am finding that all those people who said they cared

couldn't give a flying fuck

and that I am all alone in this world.

and giving up.