A Time of Love

It’s been just over a year since we found out. That news came like a lightning bolt and changed my perception of everything. Many things came into such sharp focus that it was as if they crystallized for me. I became acutely aware of the true value of my time, and of how important my time was to my family. Dad stated it quite simply and matter-of-fact, “I have cancer”. In his usual manner, Dad had made the understatement of the century. He was in the fourth or final stage of cancer. He was terminal.

Mom cried. “How am I going to live without him? What am I going to do? Fifty years of marriage, and now this?” She was a mess.

“You’re going to love him, and support him. Just like you always have. Just the way you taught me to do. And I’m going to help you in any way I can.” I assured her. What else could I say? I was stunned. Even in my 30’s with three children of my own, I was not ready to lose my Daddy.

The next several months were a blur of doctor’s appointments, radiation treatments, and chemotherapy. Each holiday we celebrated with a fervor none of us could have imagined was possible. They all became priceless, precious moments to be treasured for we realized better than most that these moments would not last. And always in the back of our minds, that persistent thought lingered, “Will he be with us this time next year?”

My children didn’t grasp the finality that my Mom and I were feeling. They weren’t at all bothered when Granddad’s hair began falling out and had to be shaved off. They didn’t understand why Granddad had to go to the doctor so much or why he was in and out of the hospital. They simply enjoyed every moment that they were able to spend with him, and enjoyed it all the more because we were spending so much more time together as a family. The love between my parents through all of this amazed me. But things began to shift and change in our relationship.

Once they were my rock, my role models and leaders. They were the ones I looked to for guidance when I was uncertain, encouragement when I was nervous, and love no matter what. Now though, we began reversing our roles. I found myself increasingly being the rock that they needed and the one they looked to for guidance and encouragement and most of all, unconditional love. I never imagined that my parents would one day need these things from me as much as I needed to have them as a child growing up. With all the guidance I received from them growing up, I was happy to be able to return the favor at this bittersweet time in their lives. The love that they always showed me enabled me to show them that same kind of love in return.

I’ll never forget the last time I saw my Dad before he died. He was sitting in his recliner looking out the window and watching my kids play in the yard. Tears were streaming down his face as he said, “Be good for your Mommy, kids. She’s been wonderful to Grandma and me and she loves you all very much. Remember that Granddad loves you too, and I already miss you so much.” With that, he left us and moved on to a better place.