Quote book...

         This is just a little spot to put all the stupid things that my family, friends, people I don't even know, and I, yes, I say some stupid things too! These quotes will just keep coming, so check back often, as more of these stupid things we say will be added!
         So, just enjoy some stupid things that people around me have said.



Justin (About Pizza Hut pizza) - "I don't like their bacon! Some of its overcooked, some of its not cooked enough, and some of its ham!"

Heather (Playing with the hole in the seat of her jeans) - "LOOK! My butt hole is as big as my pinky!"

Bethany - "**Throws hands over Nicks eyes from behind** "HEAR NO EVIL!"

Ashley (Bethany's friend) (In an away message... [inside joke part: Bethany's nickname is beef]) - "Beef: It's what's rotting in your colon."

Smitty (From RadioU) (Talking about the snow fall in Columbus) - "We could get anywhere from 1 to 3 inches. Maybe more. *pauses* That was pretty definitive!"

Justin (Talking about driving in PA) - "When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Pennsylvania, drive like a fucking asshole!"

GTA San Andreas (In game Commercial "Grym") - "...Scientifically formulated by science..."

An old saying I had been thinking of, but with a little twist - "If you put your $0.02 in... then you get a penny for your thoughts... What happens to the other penny?"

Nick and Justin (Talking about music without words) -
Justin: "Damn elevator music!"
Nick: "You have a problem with that song!?"
Me- "No! I just sing to my words!"

Nick - *burps* "Wow! That doesn't remind me of chicken at all!"

Homer Simpson (About Catholic's not eating meat on Friday) - "NO MEAT!? What do they eat? Light bulbs!?"

Nick - "I wish the TV would hurry up and become six o'clock."

Justin - "Caulk is big kids glue!"

Nick (sitting in class, 10:15am) - "Right now, it's ten o'clock at night!"

Justin (talking about the router) - "I kicked the box that has the internet in it!"

Dr. House (season 3 - Episode ?) - "I ask you what 2+2 is and a day later, you tell me it isn't 25!"

Jean Kerr (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"

Justin (about doing nothing at home, or my parents house) - "There's 100% more nothing to do here then there is down there!"

Nick and Justin -
Justin: "I was told banana pancakes are good."
Nick: "I'm not a big banana."

Ellen DeGeneres (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

Doctor Who (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "First things first, but not necessarily in that order."

In 'Zelda: Majora's Mask' - "Did you hear about the kidnapping!? He finally woke up!"

Nick (laying in his bed... me in mine) - "Ok. I have a piece of paper."

Scott Adams (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."

Nick (Praying for a safe trip home from Creationfest) - "...I pray for a tafe sip home..."

Nick - "If you cant stand the heat, stay out of the volcano!"

Thomas Mann (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

Ed (Talking about eating live bugs versus dead ones) - "The live bugs are proteinier..."

Shawn from "Psych" - "There are no rules about having a séance. Anyone can have a one. Its like a garage sale or plastic surgery!"

Charles Churchill (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "A joke's a very serious thing."

House (Season 4 - Episode 1) - I'm thinking the broken bones are the response of a building falling on her head.

Dr. House (Season 4 - Episode 1) - Are you a fan of symmetry?
E.R. Doctor: Sure...?
Dr. House: Weird. Your eyes are lop-sided. And by eyes, I mean breasts.

IM between my friend and her boyfriend
matt: 21
judy: 21?
matt: ya I had to get a crumb off my keyboard

Dr. House (Season 4 - Episode 3) - "If your gunna try and take yourself out, why choose electricity? You eat a bullet, or jump off a building ...bury yourself in Cuddy's cleavage..."

Gwendolyn - "I wish you'd call me one day and say 'Boscov's had a great sale today'. And I'd be like 'AHH!! YOU GOT LAID!'"

Orson Welles (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch."

My Mom - "God is the GPS of life!"

Subway commercial - "The only thing better then tasty steak and cheese, is more tasty steak and cheese on top of tasty steak and cheese."

Me (after witnessing something very, VERY tragic) -
Nick- **pours Southern Comfort into a cup, then pours milk in the same cup**
Me- "Milk? Milk!? MILK!?!?"

Taub & Cole ("House", Season 4 - Episode 8) -
Cole- "He'd have to have rabbits."
Taub- "True... *Taub points at the two white rabbits in a cage that was covered by a blanket* Maybe a tick could have jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white fluffy alligators!"

Rob (talking about a little girl of maybe 2 years trying to put on her jacket) - "They're so cute at that age... Then they grow up and turn out like us!"

Steve- "Bill Gates could throw Vista at me, and it'd crash before it hit me!"

Nikki (everyone was making fun of Nikki being drunk) -
me- Nikki doesn't have logic when shes sober. Let alone when shes drunk!
Nikki- Yes uh! I can see you!

Another thought that I've been thinking - If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they make it stick to the pan?

Inigo DeLeon (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block."

(Nikki, Steve, and James are playing halo, and Nikki died)
Nikki- "FUCKER!"
Me- "Only if shes hott!"

(Nikki, Steve, and James are playing halo, James blew himself up)
James- "I blew myself!"

(Nikki and Nick talking about being free in America)
Nikki- "This is America"
Nick- "Not in this country!"

Nick Faldo (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.

W. Somerset Maugham (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dick Cavett (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Edgar Bergen (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Steve (Im talking, and Steve is trying to play the guitar) - I cant use my pinky!!

One of the guys from the band Identity - "Make banners, sign petitions, and boycott eating and bathing until you can get them to have us come play!!!..."

Tim Brown (yahoo!sports writer) - "So, the Yankees threw another $218 million, another record payroll, at a baseball season and got bupkiss."

Gwendolyn (I was talking to her about the back of the $1 bill) - "O-N-E? Whats O-N-E!?"

Me (talking about using both sides of the brain) - "I'm multidimensional!"

Nikki (being stupid) - "Arkansas is the worst city in the world!"
Nick- Did you just say 'Arkansas is the worst CITY in the world'?"
Nikki- "Arkansas is the worst country... NO! WAIT! Arkansas is the worst STATE!"

Niels Bohr (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future."

Nick (talking about ordering all the files) - "I alphabeticalized all these..."

Nick (Talking about roses) - "It depends on how old they've been around."

Me (not thinking before I speak) -
Nick- "This is a really weird last name, and two people have it! Christal... Christine"
Me- "They could be cousins. Or brother and sister!"

Me (Not listening to what Nick said) -
Nick- "This guy has the same name as Grandpop."
Me- "The guys name is 'Grandpop?' "

Nikki (we're all watching the TV at Eds) -  "THERE'S PEOPLE ON THE SCREEN!!"

John McCain - "Al-Qaida is in Iraq. it is called 'Al-Qaida is in Iraq'."

Nikki (she had been drinking) - "That feels really good... but I can't feel it."

Nikki (she had been drinking... still... more...) - "Hiccups and orange juice don't taste good."

Leo Rosten (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."

Sammie - "I need a mini Nick or Justin, just to carry around in my pocket for times like this when I don't know what I did to my computer. Just little pocket size ones!"

Sam (from RadioU) - "This is the new song from MxPx 'Secret Weapon'. Its the title track, so that means its called 'Secret Weapon'."

Sam (on assuming) - "Never assume, it makes an ass outta you and me... which you and I already do on a regular basis!"

Stanislaw J. Lec (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "There are grammatical errors even in his silence."

Groucho Marx (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

Nikki (drunk) - "Grape is my favorite color!"

Nick - "That's like putting a monkey in outer space and saying it can't fly!"

Nikki -
**Steve Grabs Nikki's knee**
Nikki- "DON'T DO THAT! It hurts my throat!"

Ally (just being Ally) -
Me: give me a number tween 10 and 30
Ally: 45
Me: 45>30
Ally: 7
Ally: damn
ME: HAHA! I love you!!
Ally: 17. Finally!!!!

Darrel Waltrip (Bristol race: D.W. had no voice all day) - "Boys; this race has left me speechless!"

Cait and I (talking about how she likes this guy, and she not knowing how to ask him out to a birthday dinner) -
Cait: yeah, I don't know, it's really something that I always expected the guy to do, so I don't know what to do
Me: repeat after me... "Hey Brad..."
Cait: "hey Brad"
Me: "Happy birthday!..."
Cait: "happy birthday!"
me: "What are you doing tonight?"
Cait: "what are you doing tonight?"
Me: *he says* sittin' round cleaning the floor with a toothbrush... you?
Cait: what?!
Me: "Since your not doin' anything, can I take you out for your birthday?"
Cait: "since you're not doing anything, can i take you out for your birthday?"
Me: *he says* I really do have to finish cleaning this floor... but, sure! Why not!? I can always finish tomorrow! let my go brush my teeth!"  lol
Cait: lol Justin, you're priceless i love ya!

Ed- "You can't sell liquor at a liquor store!"

Nick (I had a ceramic eagle on the shelf above my bed. We were sleeping, and the eagle fell and hit me in the head. it woke me up, in turn, waking Nick up.) -
Me- "Shit! Nick! The ceramic eagle just hit me in the head!"
Nick- "The eagle has landed."

Me (Talking about Ramos saying "you alls") - "If you're gunna speak bad English, speak it right!"

Mitch Hedberg- "I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only an 'escalator temporarily stairs'. Sorry for the convenience."

James (talking about makeup for the movie Nick, Ed and he are making) - "I can steal makeup from my sister... Like I used to do..."

Nick (talking to Sammie about her being deaf) - "I'm sorry you need glasses for your ears!"

Katrina (with a splint on her right hand, shes massaging Val's back with her left) - "I can do so much better with my other hand."
Me - "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

James- "Know how some people can throw their voice? I can throw my farts!"

Ed (Ed and James were talking about cancer) -
James- "We found out that my grandmother has cancer again."
Ed- "I found out my grand mom has cancer last week... I found my headphones!"

Sammie (talking about going out and having a good time) - "I'm going to have the most fun I can have sober... and clothed!"

Me (Sammie grabs my hips and moves them side to side) -
Sammie- "MOVE YOUR HIPS!"
Me- "I feel like I'm having sideways sex!"

Sammie- "My milkshake has jimmys in it!"
Me- "Oh baby!? **A jimmy falls on Sam's boob** Jimmy on your boob?"

Me- "How did I get lemon on the back on my hand?"
Jess Rush- "Because you're lemon challenged!"
Sammie (five minutes later)-  "HOW DID YOU GET LEMON ON ME!?!?"

Sam: my mom told me today....my Volvo is a station wagon ... how can you be sexy in a station wagon?
Me: OH!! I KNOW THIS ONE!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"
Sam: Justin...
Me: YAY! ... CUT THE ROOF OFF WITH THE JAWS AND TURN IT INTO A CONVERTIBLE!!

Me- "I want to go fishing!"
Nick- "Somebody poisoned the waterhole!"
Me- "Fine! then I'm just gunna go and wet my line!"
Nick- "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!"

Nick- "Rub-a-dub dub, your mom in a tub, I hit her with a club..."
James- "Stop clubbing seals!"

Sammie: I lied... I wasn't at Neshaminy [Mall]
Nick: tsk tsk
Sammie: i was at the Franklin Mills [Mall]
Nick: that's two minutes from the hospital
Sammie: ok
Nick: apartment, wow, I don't know where "hospital" came from...

Jason (at work) - "Did [Linda] ever fix your email? 'Cause I could send you this Cricket stuff and you could mark it up and fix it."
Me- "No, she hasn't yet..."
Jason- "Drop her an email... WAIT! YOU CAN'T!"

Me: I think its almost nap time
Sammie: I have to finish one last assignment
Me: WOW!!!!!!!!
Sammie: ?
Me: I read... "I have to finish one last orgasm"

Caiti: Why were u up until 3?
Me: cause we went to Eds, and Nick drove, and he didn't want to leave, so I had to not leave
Caiti: lol so u couldn't leave??
Me: nope... I couldn't leave
Caiti: that's what i typed...
Me: did I mention that I couldn't leave?

Metallica- "BACON! VERY IMPORTANT THAT BACON BE AVAILABLE AT EVERY MEAL AND DURING DAY!!"

Me (talking about the bathroom being "in the beginning" of the restaurant) - "In the beginning was the bathroom, and the bathroom was with God, and the bathroom was God."

Nick- "I would hate to be the little guys inside the clock that have to count!"

Nick (Nick, Ed, and I are on the back porch hanging out) -
Me- "I'm going to bed."
Nick- "Dude! Its only twelve-oh-... fifteen."

"Caiti- "I'm brain and your pinky..."
Me-  "At least I'm the cool one!"

Nick (talking about the show, Lost) - "You'd like Lost."
Me- "I am lost."
Nick- "No. The show."
Me- "I cant find me."
Nick and I (at the same time; sing) - "I cant foind me" (pronounced "foind"...)

Nick (I read a title of a clip on MyspaceTV "Ring Around the Minivan") -
Me - "Ring around the minivan!"
Nick - "Ring around the minivan / Pockets full of beer cans / Drank it! Drank it! / We all fell down!!"

Nick- "I'm ninety-ten percent going to Florida!"

Nick- "The LAST BEER! Doom on you! Doom on you! DOOM ON YOU!!"
Me- "Don't you doom on me... I don't know where its been!"

Caiti and I (Me telling her to "grow some balls"...) -
Caiti: and what comes with balls??
Me: blue ball?
Caiti: sucks for u
Me: No... that's the problem... NO sucks for me... That's why I have blue ball!!

Me- "Take the parkway?"
Sammie- "I don't know how!"
Me- "You don't know how to take the parkway!?!?"

Sammie (talking about her car getting good gas mileage) - "My gas gets really good car mileage!"

James Thurber (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had, but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness."

Sammie's Friend (don't have his name, it was on her radio show - talking about him getting attacked by a raccoon) - I almost got my butt kicked by a raccoon in the woods... I was tryin' to tell the raccoon that I'm trying to co-host a radio show, here. And ya know, its funny cause the raccoon actually spoke back. It kinda sounded like Mr. T. 'I PITY THE FOOL THAT DON'T CALL!' "

Jul: I'm sorry I had to be the barer of bad news though ... I seem to be that a lot, sadly
Me: its ok ... I'm glad I have eyes ... down there ... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

Grace- "I'm not stupid!"
Me- "You were the first twice!"

Grace (after sneezing REALLY hard) - "That made me pee a little bit..."

Ally: I'm a plethora of information!
Justin: WOE!! those words are WAY too big for me . . . lol
Ally: lol . . . only one of them should have been, and it shouldn't even have been mr. college guy

Cait (talking about a Youtube video) - "My friend showed that to me at four in the morning one night."

Nick (Walks out of the bathroom holding a band aid) - "I don't like Spanish... The word for 'free' is 'sin'!"

Justin (Goes into the closet and pulls out a 4-pack of toilet paper, then rips the plastic in half) - "This is my toilet paper, given to you. Use it in remembrance of me!"

Nikki (after getting LIGHTLY slapped in the face by Nick) - "It doesn't hurt... but it feels!"

Nikki- "I FELT NOISES!!"

Justin- "I don't do twins... Or... at least my twins!!"

Sammie (Playing with the hole in my knee brace) - "I'm fingering your hole... **pauses**  HEY LOOK! I can finger mine to!!" **starts playing with hers also**

Me (noticing that my sock has a hole in it) - "My hole has a sock in it."

Nikki (NOT DRUNK THIS TIME... talking about Bruce Willis' daughter) - "Her father is Bruce Willis and Demi Moore!"

Jess (talking about me picking her nose) - "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you cant eat your friends buggers!"

Emo Philips (Found in 'joke, humor, fun' on Google) - "You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Ed (talking about my two monitors facing everyone) - "All both of them..."

Oscar Wilde (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays."

Yogi Berra (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "This is like deja vu all over again."

Buck Henry (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "We need a president who's fluent in at least one language."

Sammie (after giving her "friend" her cell number) - "Did I spell my number wrong?"

Sammie (talking about being bi) - "You know I'm a switch hitter!"

Linda (from work) -
Me- "(Gia, the dog) probably heard the people honking."
Linda- "What? The people with the pumpkin?"

Mike [boss] (about the paper files being to heavy for the attic, and falling though the ceiling) - "Then the upstairs would be downstairs."

Linda (talking about lunch) - **points to Jason** "You have lotsa lunch..." **points to me** "you have notsa lunch!"

Sammie (Justin kicks the dirty sock into the dirty pile) - "What? Are you playing soccer over there?"

Steve (93.3 WMMR co-host) (talking to Marisa about Nick answering questions for CrackShot) - "It just so happens that in his area of expertise, he happens to be an expert!"

Linda (talking about the Joker in "The Dark Knight") - What does he say? 'How come so funny!?'"

Sammie: (joking about being pregnant [which shes not] and me making her sleep in the truck in the middle of winter... when shes 9 months pregnant) - "I'd call you in the middle of the night, 'Twin my water broke... and froze!'"

Jules Renard (found in a "quotes of the day" on Google) - "Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money."

Me (Yelling to Matt and Carly sleeping in the living room, telling them to come into the bedroom) - "Matt! Just drag your girlfriend into the bedroom!"

Matt (misunderstanding what Sammie said) - "You can't drink or your boobs will shrink!?"

Me (Talking to Jess about Whitney King saying "beep", and me saying "boop" when poking in the nose) - "Who died and left Whit king!?"
Jess- "She is King!"
Me- "No one had to die to make her King... she was born that way!!"

Jess and I (I thought I caught Jess with the buckle of my belt) -
Jess- If you would have got me, you would have heard me say "owl".
Me- "Owl"...? Like "who, who...?"
Jess- No! Only boys have those."

(Me quoting Ron White, and Bobby not paying any attention to the conversation)
Justin- "'I'm a screamer, baby! Daddy makes a little racket in the sack!'"
Bobby- "THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO TODAY!!"

Mr. Krug (Comp. II teacher at ITT) (talking about the definition of persuasion) - "The definition of 'persuasion' is to get someone to do someone."

My dad and I (Sitting in the car in a parking lot) -
Me- "Nice S-10!"
Dad- "I thought you said 'Nice ass! 10!!'"

Jess (comparing Sophia Leigh to Pink) - "She's kind of a runk pocker like Pink!"

Heather (talking about a pole barn-style building being put up very quickly) - "Wow! That's going up fast!"
My mom- "Do you know why that went up so fast?"
Heather- "The Mexicans!?"

Jess (being silly, "walking" her fingers up my chest and neck) -
Me- "What is that? The itsy bitsy spider?"
Jess- "The itsy bitsy spider went up the chesticle / down came the spit and washed the spider out / on came the light and dried up all the spit / and the itsy bitsy spider went up the chesticle again"

Dr. House (Season ? - Episode ?) (talking to Cameron, who has taken over Cuddy's day-to-day work) - "I need oral sex..."
Cameron- "Can I get back to my phone call?"
House- "I don't see how that will be possible."

Laura (talking about drinking the glass of juice) - **points to top of glass; then moving down to where the juice-line is now** "I drank from here, up!"

Me (talking about Will and his rubber ball) -
Jess - "Go take him for a walk..."
Me - "I would, but he licking his blue ball!"

Jess (referring to an Ore Ida french fry commerical) -
Justin - "You're soft on the inside"
Jess - "Well you're not crunchy on the outside"