Great Balls of Fire

--RING--RING--

"Hello?"

"Sara, what you doing?" Katrina mimicked their mother's voice then giggled.

"Stop playing Katrina, that shit ain't funny no more." Sara sat down in her favorite chair. The metal had begun to rust on the legs, and the once smooth surface of the velvet like cushions were now semi-rough from the numerous cigarette burns. Sara had the chair facing the window so she could enjoy the breeze and watch the people who passed her window.

"What are you doing girl? And don't say cooped up in that damn window hoping you see ugly ass Stan walk through that park!" Katrina lit a cigarette and sat down at her kitchen table.

"I'm looking out the window, but I'm not looking for your boyfriend Stan"

"That's your man and you know it! Please don't try to put that nappy head man on me."

"Well what do you think I'm supposed to do with him? Let him lay that nappy ass head on my pillow, leave dandruff and all kind of other shit on my pillows and risk Harry finding out?" Sara lit a cigarette and pushed the curtain to the side to let the smoke out.

Katrina laughed at Sara's comment. She knew Sara was with Harry but she couldn't stand him. Katrina knew Harry hit her sister and Sara tried her best to hide it.

"Fuck Harry, why you with him anyway? You should have stayed with Constance's father. At least he worked."

"Harry works Katrina, he drives his van." Sara flicked her ashes into the ashtray angrily. She hated to be interrogated about her personal business and it seemed like the normal thing to do among her sisters and her mother.

"Sara don't tell me you started smoking that crack rock! Driving a van is not a job. I know he not bringing in that much money driving no fucking van so stop it Sara. You been with that stupid ass man since Constance was three years old, you can't survive off no man driving a van where the only customers he got are the ugly bitches he cheating on you with!' Katrina was pacing back and forth in her kitchen.

"I'm not going to stay on the phone and listen to this bullshit. If you called here to talk shit about me and my man and call me all kind of drug addicts and shit I'm hanging up." Sara put her cigarette out and was standing up preparing to hang up the phone.

"No Sara wait, I called to tell you what happened at Mama's house last night after you left." Katrina sat back down.

"Carey and Anna old ass get into it over Eric. This mother fucker creeping around with Anna telling her he gonna leave Carey for her. When Carey accused her of moving her glass she mumbled some shit about Eric under her breath and Carey heard her."

"Oh shit I know Carey was mad. All she need to hear is Eric name come out another bitch mouth for her to act a fool."

"Mad? That bitch was furious. She jumps up and slaps the shit out of Anna. Damn near knocked the dentures out her face. Mama so busy calling Constance she didn't even see the fight, but boy o' boy Carey tried to kill Anna ass in there. It was funny as hell seeing Carey bang her old behind around Mama little ass kitchen. They almost knocked Mama's table over too." Katrina had to catch her breath.

"Damn, I always miss the good stuff, and Mama always embarrasses me in front of you uncivilized heifers. Ain't that some shit!"

"Who you calling uncivilized? Don't act like you all educated and shit, make me go get Mama on your tail."

"Why Mama act like that with me? Why she act like she can't stand me? I am her daughter right?

"Sara, stop talking crazy. You know you her daughter."

"Then why she treat me like shit all the time. I know I made some mistakes in my life, but c'mon now, I don't deserve this shit."

"You know how Mama is Sara, she has a strange way of showing her love." Katrina poured some juice and put the pitcher back in the fridge.

"Don't give me that shit Katrina! The love look mighty familiar when she giving it to you, Carey and Gladys. I'm the one who gets her ass to kiss." Sara wiped the tears from her eyes and lit another cigarette.

"Sara, what the fuck do you really want me to say? Huh? I'm not her and I can't speak for her. All I can say is I think your overreacting and you need to calm down. You are a part of this family and that is all that matters, you know we would never let anything happen to you." Katrina wiped the single tear that slid down her left cheek and took another sip of juice.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, can you change the subject?"

"Are you serious? You brought..Never mind. Where's Constance?"

"That hard-headed girl in here somewhere. She probably in the room watching T.V."

"Okay, well get her dressed. Let's go out for a little while. I'm bored in this house. You know my sons are old enough to go out alone and they use the opportunity every chance they get!" Katrina placed her cup in the sink.

"You gonna come over here? We could go to the park around here." Sara put her cigarette out and moved her ashtray off the windowsill. She closed the window and pulled the curtain back.

"All right, I'll be there in about twenty minutes. And hurry up, you know how slow you are. Bye." Katrina hung up and looked around her kitchen for her keys. Snatching them from off the counter, she opens the right drawer and pulls out a pen. She rips a sheet of paper out of Anton's composition notebook and scribbles a note letting her children know to meet her at Granny's.

Sara looked at the phone and shook her head.

"That girl is crazy. Constance come here!" Sara began looking for something for Constance to wear.

"Yes ma? You called me?" Constance entered the living room and plopped down on the couch. She ran her fingers across the tassels that were attached to the armrest of the slipcover her mother placed over the couch to try and make it last longer. Too bad the cigarette smell had already become a part of the couch that no slipcover would mask.

"Yeah girl, put this on." She handed me a pink shirt that felt like it was made from the same material used to make sweatshirts. It had a white poodle made out of the same material on the front except the poodle had a red leash made out of a satin material. The poodle had little lint balls all over it. The jeans were even worse. The permanent crease was nothing compared to the ripped right knee and the fact they were too small. My tube socks were losing the elasticity and were drooping showing my ashy calf's whenever I took a seat. My Barbie sneakers from Payless were filthy but at least they fit.

My mother motioned for me to come get my hair done. I sat Indian style between her legs and waited patiently as she greased my scalp and began to part away. I squirmed every time she ran the comb through my thick long hair. It felt like she was showing no mercy to my tender headed scalp with every pull. Once she finished putting two ponytails in the front and one in the back, she handed me the comb, brush, and the jar of DAX. I got up and ran to put the items in her room.

"Get my purse while your in there Constance, and my keys." Sara walked around the apt starting in the bathroom making sure lights and appliances were turned off. She passed her bedroom and caught a glimpse of Constance wearing her pocketbook trying to walk like a lady. A smile appeared across her face and a single tear fell as she watched a little image of herself. Constance skipped to the bedroom door, keys jingling the whole way.

"Here's your keys ma. I'm ready." Constance continued to skip to the front door. Sara walked behind her shutting off the kitchen light and finally the living room light. Sara locks the door and makes a left to descend the flight of steps that will lead her outside. Sara always had the convenience of living on a low floor due to her disability. She told Constance she was in a car accident. She never really remembered why when she walked even if she was sober it appeared as if she was drunk. Or why her knees got weak after standing for a period of time. She didn't worryy about it to much anymore. She just uses her cane and makes due the best way she can.

"Aunt Katrina!!" Constance jumped into Katrina's arms and planted kisses on her cheeks.

"Hey little lady, how are you? I hope you listening to your Mama." Katrina kissed Constance on the forehead.

"Yes Aunt Constance, I'm listening. Where's Anton and Keith?" I am not really interested in those boogers; I'm actually happy their not here.

"Oh they somewhere around here, them boys move like snakes I can't keep up with them."

We start walking toward the park where I run off ahead. I love this park. Swings, jungle gym, slides and the wood house. I run to the swings first since these are usually taken and pump for dear life. If my mother and Aunt weren't here I would flip off the swing but they might have a heart attack. Only my cousins are used to my tomboy side and I try to keep it that way.

I play in the park for another hour while my mom and Aunt sit on the bench and drink beer. Soon we are leaving the park and heading for my grandmother's house.

"Katrina, I really don't want to go over there. I'm not in the mood for Mama shit tonight. I'm feeling good and all she gonna do is bring me down.

"We aren't staying long, I just want to pick Anton and Keith up and say hi to Mama. You can stay downstairs if it's such a problem but that is your mother and you are not going to be able to avoid her forever. Just remember that."

"I'm not avoiding her, I'm saving myself a headache."

"If you say so." Katrina shook her head and pressed the buzzer to her mother's apt.

"Who is it?" Carey's voice came through the intercom. Her squeaky voice was a dead giveaway.

"Its me, open the door." Katrina instantly grabbed for the doorknob and began pulling. The door did not open.

Katrina rang the buzzer again. She pressed the buzzer longer this time.

"Who is it?" Carey was practically screaming into the small white box connected to the wall by my Grandmother's front door.

"You already know who it is stupid! OPEN THE DOOR!" Katrina then waited until she heard the lock on the front door click indicating the door was unlocked to pull the door.

"She really gets on my fucking nerves. Always sitting up under Mama putting shit in her head about us. She keep playing with me I'm gonna knock her around the kitchen like she did to Anna." Katrina walked down the hallway and made a quick left to reveal a flight of stairs.

"Ma, I'm thirsty. Can we go upstairs too?" I looked up at her hoping she wouldn't smack me for asking, but I am thirsty. All that running in the park can do that to you.

My mother rolled her eyes and began to fumble around in her purse. She appeared to be looking for money to buy me a juice. When she realized she spent it while she was out with Katrina she sucked her teeth.

"C'mon." She ushered me into the hallway. We walked up two flights of stairs to my Grandmother's apartment. The music could be heard from the hallway.

Sara opened the door knowing it would be open. It was a habit her mother brought back with her when she returned from Georgia.

The smell of fried chicken hit me instantly. My mouth began to water as we entered the apartment. My mother took a seat on the couch and removed her jacket. I spoke to Aunt Carey who was sitting Indian style in front of the stereo looking through a box full of cassette tapes.

I walked into the kitchen and gave Granny a hug. Her shirt smelled just like fried chicken and had traces of flour on it.

"Hey Constance. Don't think I forgot about what you did yesterday. You lucky I didn't whoop your tail in here like I did the last time."

"What you mean the last time Mama?" Katrina asked. She already knew what Granny was talking about, she just wanted to hear her say it.

"You know when our little firebug here almost killed her and her Mama." She pointed her fork at me when she siad firebug.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. You don't play with fire no more do you Constance?"

"No Aunt Katrina. It's no use anyway. It didn't work."

Granny and Aunt Katrina both looked at me with confused looks on their faces.

"Constance! What would make you say something like that?" Aunt Katrina grabbed me by the arms and made me face her.

"I DON'T KNOW!" I really did not feel like going into a therapy session right now. I did enough of that at the firebug sessions I attended a few years back. My family doesn't know the real reason why I set those fires, it might hurt their feelings if I told them.

"Sara get in here!" Granny called my mother who was talking to Carey in the living room.

"What is it Mama?" My mother entered the kitchen and stood by me and Aunt Katrina.

"Your daughter in here talking about how those fires she set didn't work. Do you know why she is saying that?" Granny was placing a wing in the frying pan as she spoke.

"No Mama, I dont. She won't talk to me about it."

"Well she gonna talk today! I can't have my family members plotting to kill each other. So Constance you need to speak up! Tell us why you set those fires and why you feel it didn't work."

All eyes were on me. I didn't want to tell them. They wouldn't undertsand anyway. All they know is yell at you now, ask questions later. I guess they should know. Maybe, it will help them realize they have a serious problem that I hate. Yeah, I will tell them, then everyone will be happy I saved the family.

"Ever since I was three years old, I can remember clearly how drunk my mother would be. Do you know how that feels? To have your mother known as the drunk lady. When we moved into 683, I hated living there. I remember Ma going downstairs and sitting in the park from sun up to sun down drinking beers. Then come staggering into the house yelling and screaming at me."

The tears were streaming down my face now. I was getting madder with each word yet it felt so satisfying to let it out.

"So I set the mattress on fire so they would move us away from that park. Too bad it didnt work. The house was burnt and we had to move, but it wouldn't be far away from the park as I wanted. They move us to a Hotel right up the block from 683! So she still staggering up and down the block from the park to the hotel and vice versa. Her and Harry are arguing all the time and he be hitting her too. She be so drunk she dont even notice until she wake up with black eyes. Then she stay cooped up in the room until they heal. So I set the mattress on fire. What good was that! I get a beating from Granny, they move us to where we live know and I gave up. I am just so tired of all the drinking and I wished she would just stop, I wish all of you would just stop. Just like how the sessions helped me to stop."

I ran to my mother and hugged her tightly. She is also crying, she has heard all this before and knows how I feel about her drinking. She doesn't see a problem with what she is doing. Beer is legal and she doesn't break any laws when she is drunk so what is the big deal.

"I didn't know you felt that way Constance." Aunt Katrina was looking at me with a look of disbelief, so was Aunt Carey.

Aunt Carey put her arms out for me to come to her. I ran into her arms. She told me that everything was going to be okay.

I finally got something to drink, and ate some fried chicken wings with mashed potatoes and corn. My Aunt Carey cut the music off and the house had a deafening silence to it. I guess everyone was thinking about what I said. I hope it sticks in.

Anton and Keith finally made it to Granny's house and boy was I happy to see them. My mother said we could leave when they got through eating. As they ate, my grandmother was having a discussion in her bedroom with my mother and Aunts about what I said.

"You see Sara. If you didn't drink like all the booze was gonna disappear, you wouldn't get drunk like that. Embarrassing people. You got to drink with class not like the neighborhood whino. I know I have told you that plenty of times." Granny was talking to my mother in a low tone.

"What are you trying to say. It's my fault she set those fires?" Sara was on the defensive.

"What do you think honey? Weren't you listening. You are the one known as the drunk lady not me!" Granny was on a roll.

"Stop it you two, this isn't going to solve anything. We need to be thinking about what Constance is trying to say not what she said! Katrina was getting upset. She heard every word her niece said and the message behind the words are what stood out to her. She almost felt the same way as Constance yet she drunk beer with her family to fit in and not stand out. She has rarely reached Sara's level of intoxication but she has had her moments when she has embarrassed her two children and wondered if her sons felt the same way as Constance. She made a note to herself to speak with them when they got home.

"We all drink and act crazy including you Mama, so lets not point fingers. "

"Maybe we shouldn't drink when the kids are around." Carey figured her solution would end all the bickering.

"Oh yeah genius, and where would they be until the next morning while we getting our drink on?" Katrina looked at Carey anxious to hear a response.

"I havent thought that far ahead. I just gave a suggestion smart ass, you figure it out!"

"Why are we fighting over this! Constance is my daughter and I will handle this situation, you guys are free to drink as much as you want. Me and my daughter will work this out together." Sara felt good saying that. She was happy she was standing up for herself and her child. She is so tired of the family being in her business and this was her opportunity to shut them out of something.

With that said, Sara turned to leave the bedroom. I ran back into the kitchen with Anton and Keith who were scrapping their chicken bones in the garbage.

"Constance, lets go we are getting ready to leave." Sara grabbed her jacket of the couch.

"Anton and Keith go wash you hands and mouth and lets go. We can walk with Aunt Sara and Constance." Katrina entered the kitchen and prepared a plate to take home for Sara and herself. Everyone said their goodbyes and we left the apartment.

We walked Aunt Katrina and her sons home first. Aunt Katrina said she would pay for our cab ride home.

"Thanks for hanging out with me today Sis. We need to hang out more often." Katrina unlocked her front door and allowed her sons to enter the apartment.

"Get ready for bed. Don't even think of touching that fucking Nintendo tonight Anton! You hear me?"

"Yes." Anton put his head down and ran to the bedroom.

"I know you getting tired Constance so let me walk you two to the cab." Katrina shut the door behind her and skipped to catch up with Sara and Constance.

Katrina, I love you and I want you to believe me when I tell you Harry has not hit me in months, so don't start no shit with him okay?"

"Oh bitch please, I'm not even thinking about the woman beater, are you?"

"No"

"Then what you bring him up for? Scared?"

"Scared of what Katrina?"

"Scared he gonna kick your ass when Mama curse him out for putting his hands on you."

"Oh shit Mama, Katrina where is the cab? I have to get home before Mama calls the house."

"Its right here. Love you girl and stop being so paranoid! What you need to do is go upside that fucker's head with a skillet instead of being all scared and shit." Katrina kissed Sara on the forehead.

"I love you too and I'm not being paranoid. Call you tomorrow."

"Bye Aunt Katrina, I love you." I waved from inside the cab.

"Bye Constance, love you too."

We pulled up in front of my building. I looked up at our windows. All the lights were out which meant we beat Harry home. I heard a large sigh come from my mother's lips. I wish she would just leave hime alone. All he does is yell, hit and call her names. One day he is going to pay, it may not be now but he will pay one day.

"Take those clothes off and get in your bed. I will see you in the morning. My mother kissed me on the cheek and walked into her bedroom. As I removed my clothes, I thought about what happened at Granny's house. I sure hoped what I said will help my family.

I turned off the lights and whispered.."Only time will tell"...before drifting off to sleep.