Addict

Howard scanned the crowd for a friendly face and found none. He approached the pulpit rehearsing his speech. Again, he looked out into the room for someone with a kind eye. Those that were returning his glare were either impatiently waiting or accusingly scowling at him. It was his first meeting which was an enormous step in trying to better himself. He remembered a time when talking in front of a crowd was exhilarating, even enjoyable.

Now, Howard was hard pressed to leave his apartment for anything other than a visit to his mothers place across town. It had been at her request that he seek some sort of counceling for his problem. At first he tried on-line support groups but that was too easy, he could get on his computer without having to leave his place. Mother had insisted that he go to a group sponcered by her church. He was weary of what people might think. Howard was aware that people had addictions of their own. It took courage to reveal them. His addiction, however, could easily be fuel for bouts of laughter. That is what he feared.

"Hello, my name is Howard and I'm addicted to Television!" he said.

He looked out into the crowd expecting people pointing fingers and throwing rotten vegetables. There was nothing. A few people said "Hello Howard."

This was not like the groups Howard had come to know through t.v. . In those groups people were so eager to help and console. Everyone greeted you and patted you on the back. This group however, was a hodge podge of addicts. Drug users, boozers, sex addicts and generally misguided souls.The group was minimally funded and acted as a stepping stone for those who were thinking about joining an actual support group. There were no moderators for the group, occasionally a priest would come and direct those who wanted help to where they could find it.

" It all started when I was young. In retrospect, television was what raised me as a child. My mother worked three jobs and my father was non-existent. I would sit down in front of the T.V. and get to know Burt & Ernie, Mr. Rogers, all the characters in all the shows were my friends. My only friends. I have a job watching television as a consultant for a broadcasting company. I get paid to watch television. At first, yeah, it was a dream come true. After a few years I got fat and lazy and found that I still had no friends other than those that I met at their regularly scheduled times. I have become afraid to leave my apartment. I have everything from my groceries to my T.V. guide magazine delivered. Holly Specter greets me in the morning with her chipper demeanor and insightful news coverage and I'm put to bed by Conan and Carson. My mother is my only connection to the real worl until now. I dropped out of school and got my ged, then my associates degree through the mail because it was offered on t.v. . I need help to try and get away from my reliance on television. That is why I am here, I want to meet some real people." said Howard.

A few grumbles were heard from the crowd. He stepped down and made his way to one of the folding chairs at the end of the second row. He walked with his head down so as not to have to look at any accusing eyes. Although nobody had reasured him that he had done well, Howard felt good to have shared his feelings. This was definately a step in the right direction. After listening to a speech given by an alcoholic mother who had given birth to deformed babies Howard became uncomfortable and left. On his way out he caught the glance from a woman in the crowd. She was smiling at him and gave him a friendly nod as he walked out of the room. She was a large woman, bigger than Howard by about 100 lbs. She did have a pretty face and was wearing clean clothes. He figured she was probably addicted to eating.

"I'm home!" he announced to an empty house.

He went to the kitchen and turned on the television in time to catch the end of Wheel of fortune. Vanna White was bidding farewell to the audience.

"See you tommorow Vanna. Tell Pat I'm sorry I missed you guys tonight. I'll make it up to him later." Howard said.

He left the kithchen with a bowl of crackers and a glass of soda. The television was on in the living room, recording shows that he knew he would miss during his meeting. He went to the computer to see what he was assigned to watch this evening. Howard's room was arranged around his enormous television. His desk was set to the side facing the 60 some odd inch flat screen that had required additional posts be put in the wall for support. It hung as the center piece on his wall. The television was hardly turned off. Howard had installed a separate generator in the case that the power might go out. He settled in for the night with a pizza and a beer. He was excited about his assignments for the night, a made for TV movie followed by a documentary on the seafood industry. He loved it when he was assigned eductional programming. It made him feel as though watching was good for him. T.V. was good for Howard, like pizza, even when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Howard woke up to an early morning infomercial. As usual, he fell asleep with the T.V. on. He couldn't fall asleep without it. After breakfast it was time to write hie reviews for the previous evenings entertainment. The documentary had benn well filmed. The movie was trash. The phone rang.
"Hi, mom." said Howard. No one called other that his mother.
"So how did it go dear?" said mother.
"It was fine. I gave my speach and no one seemed to care. It was actually real easy. I don't think half the crowd was even paying attention." he said
"Well I care and I'm proud of you for even going. When will the next meeting be held?"
"I don't know. I left early. Everyone there has problems a lot worse than mine. I got tired of listening to them. It was kind of disgusting."
"Now Howard, you shouldn't be rude. Did you speak with anyone?"
"No, but a girl smiled at me."
"That's wonderful. You should talk to her next time. Maybe even set up a date somewhere."
"Easy mom, one step at a time."
"Oh, honey I just know you can break out of that shell. Why don't you invite her over to your apartment so you can cook for her."
"Maybe. Mom I've got to go. I'm working."
"Alright I'll call you later. Bye Bye."
Howard hung up. He had finished working but The Price is Right was coming on. Howard watched Barker's Beauties fawn over luggage and caress the fender of a Ford. He thought it might be nice to have a date. Cooking was deffinately an asset of his. Howard could whip up elaborate dishes with ease. When everyone else was watching soaps, he would be cooking along side Gida and Racheal and Tyler. It was also possible that the woman enjoyed eating. Having been a shut in Howard had grown to 267 lbs. The woman was easily 300 +. His thoughts were interupted by the first showcase showdown.

After a week of mulling it over Howard decided to attend the next meeting.