Will To Die

The sun cast wispy rays of exquisite pink and purple light across the sky as 14-year old Jenica Noel sat in a local hospital stroking her father’s hair and face. Such a beautiful sunset, to her way of thinking, should’ve been banned on this, an evening so ugly. As she watched her father continue to fade away under the silken sheets she allowed a single tear to fall down the bridge of her nose before wiping it away with the back of her hand.

Her father was the only one that understood her, she never really fit in at school, and her mother never really had the time to care since the divorce two years back. Jenica’s father had taught her to believe not in holding on, but in letting go, and she bowed her head in shame when she found she couldn’t just let him go.

As the monitor flat lined which she and the doctors all expected her eyes widened as she was forced out of the room quickly. Fury ignited within her as the nurses called to her, “It’s all right honey, we’ll take good care of your father….” As if they understood what she was going through. They didn’t understand, and what was worse, they couldn’t save the only person who did….

As she looked to the sky that same night just half an hour later with oranges blending in perfectly to the color collogue she wished, unlike most girls, not to be pretty, not in this a world so ugly where the colors were now warping together. Instead, as they announced her father’s death due to a drive by shooting and one last time she admired his mangled corpse. Gingerly touching the wound above his heart she wondered if her own heart would ever recover.

She didn’t want to be pretty like the people did that could never understand her, instead, she wished to be ugly, ugly like her father whose eyes were dull, no longer vibrant and full of life. She wished to go somewhere she’d be accepted, she wished to be with her father no matter what she had to do to herself and anyone else around her to make that possible.

All she wished for… was death.