Diary of a Cheater Chapter 1

Where do I start? It’s been such a long time since I’ve actually taken a look at my life that I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. It’s been 10 years since I remember meeting that innocent little boy that I once used to be. There was a time in my life that the only thing I could think about was being married and having a family. That time has long since passed.


Chapter 1: Jessica

         Becca was a friend of mine ever since her grandfather, Glenn, married my mother, Cindy. Glenn had a heart-attack one year and us children had to go stay with his son while my mother spent time with him at the hospital. That was a great summer. Becca and I hung out a lot. I come from a small town of about 3,000 people so there wasn’t much else to do. We watched movies, chatted about everything; I would play video games with her and even sleep in the same bed as her. We held each other at night. There was nothing sexual about it. Being just in 6th grade at the time I had only started thinking about girls and sex. We were just great friends.
         Classes started and Glenn was out of the hospital, yet Becca and I saw each other everyday at school. We had many classes together. Becca was always popular because she had that certain something about her personality that just screamed like me. I on the other hand was only popular about my drawings. I was the schools self proclaimed artist.
         Sitting there in science class not concentrating as usual while Ms. Morgan was giving her lecture about sedimentary layers, Becca had introduced me to my first love, Jessica. Jessica wasn’t beautiful in ways that a normal young teen falls in love with a girl, but she had something. She was funny and seemed to laugh at everything. She seemed to carry herself as if she had nothing to care about. I was instantly intrigued by her. She could draw. I was captivated. Finally I found someone who shared the same passion about art that I did.
         Jessica and I spent many years as just friends until nearly the end of freshman year in high school. Sitting in speech class on the last day of the year I knew that if I wanted to see her this summer that I should say something rather quick. We started to pass notes back and forth; just childish bantering at first. Then the notes started to go the other direction. I wrote that I would like to be able to hang out with her sometime soon. To my surprise she said she would like that also. I then asked her if she’d like me to bring a movie over to her house and we could watch it together.
         I remember clearly the movie that I brought over the first day that I went to her house: Escape from L.A. I didn’t want to get anything to dramatic and at that time I didn’t like romance movies anyway. We watched the movie and spent the rest of the night out in the pool room shooting pool.
         For the next couple of weeks Jessica and I saw each other everyday. We spent every waking moment together; we were inseparable. One night I was watching my uncle’s children for babysitting money when Jessica called me up and said something I could never forget; “You better ask me to be your girlfriend before I go to my dad’s for the summer.” I was so shocked at her forwardness. I had never actually asked a girl that I really liked to be my girlfriend. Sure I had girlfriends before but none of those relationships would have ever been on the level that me and Jessica had gotten to.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” I asked in a high pitched squeal
“I don’t know let me think about it.” This was just like her to say something then play around with it until she felt like giving in.
         Finally she accepted and we spent the entire summer together. For my 16th birthday she gave me what I could have never asked for, herself. That was my first time. I remember us lying in her room together on her bed talking and kissing as usual, but this time was different. She started to touch me like she didn’t before. I was a little flustered and taken back by this. I didn’t know what to do, like most boys that age. So I just let he take the lead. We made love in her house with her mother in the very next room.
         Many months passed and we seemed to be having a good relationship. Until one day she missed her period. Things went downhill after that. We soon found out that Jessica was pregnant at the young age of 16. We didn’t know what to do. She told her mother and to my surprise she didn’t seem upset, more than likely cause she had drowned her own sorrows in alcohol. Jessica expressed her wants about getting an abortion. I told her alright. What else is a 16 year old boy not even out of school supposed to do? She looked into the options with her mother. $400, that’s the price at the time. When you’re that young $400 might as well me $40,000. I didn’t make more than $3 and hour at the video store I worked at. It was impossible for me to pay for that.
         In comes the father. He never liked me. I don’t know why. Him and I could’ve gotten along well if only he put his pride aside. She told her the situation and asked him for help with the money. He paid for her abortion. What goes through a fathers mind when he pays for his daughters’ abortion? That didn’t help things between us, soon there after things got bad, really bad. Jessica and I fought all the time, she was very moody. Until one day I told her that I don’t think her and I should be girlfriend and boyfriend anymore. Although I was the one to say that, I was devastated when she told me that she didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore either.
         I spent many days at home skipping school just lying in bed crying. One night I was going through Jessica’s and my homecoming pictures. I decided I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t stand the heartache. I decided that I was going to kill myself.

         I rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for something, anything that would have worked. My mother’s boyfriend was a diabetic and took heart medication also. So I grabbed the heart pills and swallowed about 25 of them.
         Sitting on the couch I found it difficult to just pass off into sleep. This wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought it was. I was now afraid of dying. Why in the hell would I even do something like that? Don’t I know it’s not worth it? Am I that stupid?
         I went into my mother’s bedroom and woke her up. I had told her what I had done. It didn’t take her more than one minute to wake up and call the paramedics.

         Sitting there in the hospital bed my teacher from Math class came in to visit me. Shawn was his name. An odd sort of man that squawked at you as you passed him in the hall at school. I was happy to see him although I really didn’t know what to say. I was surprised that he would come and visit me; he was such a hard-ass at school. It made me think twice about what I had done.
         I went back to school on Wednesday of the next week after trying to kill myself on the weekend. I hoped that no one had heard about it. Hearing the whispers and seeing the stares after walking into class I knew I was wrong. Nothing I could do about that now. I at least hoped that Jessica had heard about it. I hope she felt bad. I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. She and I didn’t talk for another year.