The Great Peach Fiasco

Emay: I have to admit, its good to see Raya like this. Ever since Geoffroi showed up, he’s been.. different. He seems more relaxed, more… loose. He laughs more. They’re like two children when they’re together.

Raya: I want Geoffroi gone. I want him gone! He’s been nothing but a nuisance the moment he arrived. His whole visit- and it is a visit, nothing more- has been one, long, uninterrupted mess. A mess I’ve been stuck cleaning up!

E: I do wish they would clean up after themselves, though. Ever since we had to let the servants go… well… let’s just say…

Geoffroi: Raya’s a lousy housekeeper. I don’t know how he’d ever survive on his own. Emay does all the cooking, the cleaning…

R: Thank God for Emay.

G: ..the laundry, she even picks up after him; like she’s his little servant or something.

R: Yes, we had to let the servants go, I’m afraid. Tragic day. Truly.

E: All I wanted was a little help. So…

G: She asks us to go pick some peaches from the orchard. She, uh, was probably gonna cook with em, and what not…

E: It was a lovely day. It was the least they could do, I mean, I am not the only one capable of working in this place.

R: Thank God for Emay.

G: So we’re in the orchard. We’ve got our little, you know, baskets.. and well, I hadn’t eaten yet, so.. I was hungry, you know.

R: He just… digs his fingers into the peach… there’s juice everywhere… he’s just getting it all over the place. I asked him to stop being disgusting.

G: And Raya just starts freaking out!

R: He knows he was irritating me.

G: He’s going on about how messy I was being. ‘It’s a peach!’ I said. ‘It’s gonna be messy!’ ‘Not if you use utensils!’ He says. I say ‘Raya, only you would use utensils on a fruit.’

R: The little ingrate. He was being obscene. Chewing with his mouth wide open..

G: So he throws a peach at me. Hard.

R: I knew he was doing it on purpose! I mean.. its not like I hurt him or anything..

G: It hurt.

R: Its not like I didn’t warn him.

G: I hit him back. With the half eaten peach.

R: The little ingrate.

G: Okay, so now we’ve got a full out melee on our hands. Peaches are flying..

R: I hate it when he gets in those moods.

G: Peaches are dying…

R: There’s nothing you can do but defend yourself and wait for the madness to pass.

G: … valiantly giving their little peachy lives for the cause…

R: I tried to ward him off. It didn’t work.

G: He slipped and fell in some mud.

R: He fights like a little schoolgirl, honestly. He grabbed my hair.. and the next thing I know I’m lying in a mud puddle.

G: Then he blamed it on me.

R: Oh, believe me, I was furious.

G: I was frightened.

R: Almost furious enough to kill the damned moron.

G: I was very frightened.

R: I mean, what kind of idiot turns orchard picking into a mud fight?

G: Then Raya picked up a wad of mud and hurled it at me. So I’m like ‘okaay..’

R: As if that wasn’t enough, he tackles me! In the mud, he tackles me!

G: I mean, I was already covered in it, so what the heck.

E: I knew they up to something; they were being way too loud.

G: Raya was laughing so hard he couldn’t sit up.

R: He’s such an embarrassment, honestly.

E: They see me coming and bolt.

G: I heard Emay coming outside, and let me tell you, we lit out of there.

E: Those idiots.

R: I couldn’t let Emay see me mud-wrestling.. like a.. a child!

E: They probably think I didn’t see them. As they ran through the trees, and around to the side of the house.

G: So we made it to the side door, uncaught, thank God.. and Raya is having a fit because he doesn’t want to mess up the carpet!

R: We were covered in mud and he wants us to go inside!

G: But when I pointed out our only alternative was to strip down.. outside.. naked..

R: But I decided what the hell. You can’t very well stop a madman can you?

G: ..he came around. I’m actually surprised we didn’t make too much of a mess.

E: There was mud everywhere.

R: I tried to contain my movements as much as possible. Geoffroi, however, stopped to touch everything.

E: Everywhere.

R: She bursts in on us, and tells us we have to clean it up, if you can believe that!

G: She looked, um.. really mad.

R: Quite livid.

E: Actually, I was rather amused. I mean.. they are the ones who have to clean it up after all!

R: I’m not worried. It can certainly wait until we find some new help. I mean, I’m  certainly not going to do it! … Where’d Geoffroi go off to now?

G: And that’s how I wound up cleaning the whole damn house. Well.. I did leave a little something for Raya. Oh, he’s gonna kill me. But its worth it.