life as I see it

Life! I just don't know where to start. I think most of us will start from the beginning, the day we were born, the day we took the first breath, the day we saw the light for the first time, I won't start from there, I classify that period as a fast experience, fast learning period, a time with intense living, a time which passed so fast but with great reminiscence,emotions,adventures.

I will start from the day I begun to realize that one day I will die, that one day all my senses will come to a stop, of course I knew that before but the feeling was not so intense, so profound as the day I thought about it, really thought about it, a lot, dreaming about it, consciously living with it every day, like a burden. I was very upset, sad, angry, remorse,depressed. Until. Until the day I realize that this was not the end. All my emotions stopped for a second, all my fears ended, the blizzard inside me stopped. I felt relief for a moment. But it did not last long. Death did not matter for me anymore, whatever was after death was the question, the mystery.

I realize that wherever I will go after death, spiritual speaking, it will be probably a better place, probably a worst place, probably I will find my place were I will be free and/or happy, probably I will be reborn in a different person, animal, thing, matter, anti-matter, or maybe I don't know, this is what I felt that time, viewing death from different perspectives.I don't think that there is a person in this world which had never thought about death no matter the religion.
The death problem came to a stop for me, somehow I sorted things out, I embraced the idea, enjoyed it, because a new problem occurred, begun to take shape in my mind, heart, body, soul, in everything I wrote, ate, breath, touched, thought.
It was the never ending cycle. If I am right, and from all my experience, life after death is never ending, it does not matter if I make it in heaven, hell, reincarnation, or other theories more or less known, life after death is never ending, the matter is in constant transformation, moving, changing. I will probably not be the same as in the real life, I most likely not be the same, but the point is that this continuous cycle is affecting me, this is the new problem, the new question, mystery, and I don't have the answer. The ETERNITY is my problem.

Or maybe I am wrong.Even if someone, or something will be able to tell me the answers to all my questions, would I really like to know? Maybe it is beyond our knowledge, maybe few people know the answer, or maybe none.

I found a temporary solution.....