Rebuilding

Rebuilding

         I hated my god-awful ugly deck--old, closed in, totally unpleasant and dangerous. As I walked down the rickety stairs, I continually worried about the railing giving way if someone leaned on it just a little too hard.  I longed for a new space--welcoming, open, and filled with planters.  I wanted it to be a continuation of the living space, a place to eat, read and enjoy myself.  It was the summer after my divorce was final.  It was MY house now and I was going to make it happen.
         Plans were drawn, materials were purchased and things were set into motion.  The best part was buying a chain saw.  I couldn't wait to fire it up and tear the old deck to pieces.  I can't tell you how much satisfaction I had in cutting away each piece of that ugly eye-sore of a deck.  Looking back now, I'm sure much of the satisfaction was drawn from visualizing cutting away pieces of my ex-husband and all of the pain and hurt that went with him.
         At first, I wasn't really sure where to begin.  My parents came over and my dad and I set to work with the chainsaw.  We began sawing away huge chunks of the gray plywood railing.  I, of course, handled the chainsaw and felt instant gratification as each piece fell with a loud crash into the backyard. Once the railing was off, we weren't quite sure what to do next.  We stopped there for the time being. 
      The next weekend, my boyfriend, Scott came to help. We probably should have consulted a demolition specialist but it was more fun to solve the puzzle.  My deck was attached to the second story of my house, so the difficult part came when I was left with just the decking, the beams, and the support system.  Taking each board off one by one would certainly take too long.  We pondered it and pondered it and that's when my neighbor's son showed up with a huge sledge-hammer.  He had been watching the deck demolition with some amusement and decided that he didn't have anything better do so he'd help us out.  Well, I thought the chainsaw was fun but the sledge-hammer also provided me with great satisfaction as I swung and crashed through the rotting wood.
         Eventually, the old deck lay in a huge pile of rubble and I remember feeling very relieved and proud of the destruction.  All of the debris was loaded into a dump truck and ceremoniously carted off to the dump.  I was not even a little nostalgic as I pushed the dump button and the pieces of wood and metal fell into the pit of unwanted garbage.
         Now it was time to build and create my new space.  Friends and family helped saw, screw, hammer, plan and shape the materials into an amazing deck.  I built every inch of the railing on my own and even conquered my fear of heights as I climbed up on the beams to lay the new decking.  That new deck brought me a sense of accomplishment.  I had spent days and hours creating something with my own hands.  Now, it was my space and somehow with that deck I felt like I had made the house my own.