Lonely nights

I’d steeled myself to do this. Being a single mother of a 10 year old boy was easy. Sitting him in front of me I saw him looking up at me, full of that innocence of the child. How to tell him? How to tell him of the dangers out there? The traps, disappointments, hurt, and worse, that great biological urge that demanded he go through it all.

I wish he didn’t have to know, wish he could stay as he is. No more cares in the world than a scraped knee or a hard work at school.

“I have to tell you about something”

He was worried at my serious tone. Had I found out how he'd been naughty? Was it worse? I’d had to tell how his daddy wasn’t coming home once. I was being too serious, and he looked so worried.

“You’re growing up to be a big boy now Timmy. A man. You have to know some things about the world that no one has ever told you before”

His worry faded into a confused look. Yes, he was my big boy, he’d comforted me so after I’d told him Geoff had died. He’d been my companion in grief, holding me tight when I cried. He knew there were things to memorise at school, or catching practice for his team. But something serious that he didn’t already know?

“Yes, you’re growing up to be a man now, and when boys grow up to be men they have to know some things”

“Yes mummy?”

“You know when boys and girls grow up, they can have children. Children just like mummy and daddy did?”

I nearly choked when I said that. Geoff would have done this much better than me. At least he knew about growing up as a boy. Why couldn’t we have been together longer so we could have had a girl as well? He’d be so good explaining how boys were supposed to be. My darling girl would be all mine. Telling her would be fun; giggling and sharing secrets. But I had to do this, on my own now.

“Boys grow up to be men, and when you’re a full grown man, you’ll want to fall in love and have babies of your own. Just like mummy and daddy did”

I really did cry this time. It was too much. He leaned across and put his arms round me. Just as he did when he held me as I sobbed into the night.

“I know mummy. When I grow up I’ll be a good daddy. Like my daddy was. I’ll be so good. I’ll do even better. I won’t ever, ever make anyone cry like you had to.

I cried louder and hugged him tighter. I couldn’t do this tonight. But I knew that he’d never do anything to hurt anyone. That’s the important thing.

Not like Geoff when he left us for another woman, and I’d started lying to Timmy… and to myself.

WC : 500

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I had to cut about 70 words from my original. I think my original had a bit more emotial depth, so I'll link it here as well.

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1247981