Distress Beacon 07B

This is Al Ien reporting in. I was sent to Earth on a Mission 8034B approximately three nanecs ago. The mission overview is as follows:

Objective: Infiltrate the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and discover the whereabouts of a captured comrade, Yu Efo.

Equipment: Nanoconsciousness-Infiltration Device (NID), Translation Converter (TC), Mission-Experience Recording Unit (MERU), Brain-Implanted Neurosuspicion-Detection Module (BINDM), food.


Target: FBI Employee, Mike Smith. Smith was observed and tracked from our cruisers prior to the mission.

Intinerary: I was first beamed into Smith's body via the NID while he was asleep. This allowed for a ten-minute calibration period to take place in solitude. The calibration period allowed me to unconsciously make all of Smith's normal moves, gestures, and speech patterns throughout my stay in his body. I then went to the FBI headquarters the next day disguised as Smith. The following is a transcript from the moment I entered the FBI headquarters, courtesy of my Mission-Experience Recording Unit (MERU).






I walked into the FBI headquarters and approached a series of security measures. Particularly large male guards rubbed up and down my body and made me put all of my items (currency transporter, door openers) onto a moving belt. The items moved along a belt until they disappeared behind a curtain. I then had to walk through three-fourths of a rectangle that occassionaly beeped. It didn't beep when I walked through it. When I finished, another large man gave me my rescued items and told me to "have a nice day". My Brain-Implanted Neurosuspicion-Detection Module (BINDM) showed no signs of suspiciousness up to this point.

I arrived at Mike Smith’s office and sat in the rotatable sitting item. His room was awfully bland, with only white walls and a highly organized desk. I immediately got to work and began searching the FBI mainframe through his computing device. Their mainframe was poorly designed and easily accessible. Approximately five minutes passed before an FBI employee arrived. She was a blonde-haired female, about five feet, five inches tall. Noticeably large spheres protruded from her chest

“I need you to go over this for me.” The woman said. She handed me a folder and looked intently into my eyes. She shut and then re-opened one of her eyes, still starting right at me. Her mouth opened and revealed her white incisors. I wasn't sure what these gestures meant. I was paranoid that she may have been on to me, but my BINDM showed otherwise.

“I is not possible. As for me busy now.” I replied. The woman's mouth closed and her eyes squinted shut a bit. My BINDM started to show slight suspicion.

“What did you say, Agent Smith?” The woman asked, not changing her look

“I said that I possess many works soon.” I said. “As for me, it is possible to help afterwards in that.”

Her look did not change.

“Is everything okay, Agent Smith?” Her look had increased in intensity. My BINDM also increased slightly in intensity. I theorized that her facial expression and the BINDM level have a positive correlation.

“Everything is good.” I said. “I last night did not obtain many sleep by any means.”

Her look decreased in intensity. However, my BINDM shows that her suspiciousness has increased. My theory about the BINDM level was quickly debunked. I then theorized that my BINDM may need a new battery.

“Ok,” she said. “I’ll come by later.” She turned around and left the office.

I resumed my search for Yu in a hurried state. I wanted to find him and leave before anything could happen. I had found his file before the woman came into the office, and thought it would take only a few seconds to obtain his location after she left. Unfortunately, it was encrypted, and I was having trouble hacking it. Several minutes passed with no luck. I started to get worried.

Just as anxiety set in, the woman came back into the room. She had two tall men with her, about six feet, two inches each. My Facial Recognition System (FRS) indicated that I saw them earlier when I was passing through security.

“How are you today, Agent Smith?” One of the men asked.

“I considerably am tired, but to work, feeling is sufficiently good.” I replied. My BINDM went off the charts. I was not sure of the problem.

“Yeah, he’s been beamed.” The other large man said. “Grab him!”

Before I could think, the two men came over and lifted me from my chair. They had considerable strength, much greater than that of Smith's body. There was no way to escape, or to even reach my Emergency Reverse Nanoconsciousness-Escape Device (ERNED) that I was wearing on my wrist. They had both my hands and legs locked in their tight grips. I tried to reach the ERNED anyway, but their considerable hold prevented me.

“Knock him out.” The large man said with my arm in hand. “He’s trying to beam out.”

“What is done?” I yelled. “I am not the foreigner! Me it is put lower! Assist me!”

I continued to squirm duselessly as they carried me down a long set of parallel lines. Employees came out of pauses in the parallel lines to watch my struggle.

“I am not the foreigner!” I yelled at an employee as my face passed right by his. I looked direcly at him as we passed. His eyes and mouth opened wide. I theorized that open orifices must positively correlate with surprise. Then, suddenly, a cold liquid shot into my neck. My thoughts and experiences rapidly got quieter and hazier, respectively, until they went away.





Presently, I am captured and unable to escape. I have not revealed any information, but I am unsure of what methods they will use next. I theorize that they are going to dissect my brain and search it for data. I have overheard that I am being transferred to a place called “Roswell”. I don’t know where it is, but I theorize that Yu might be there. Please locate “Roswell” and send help.

I am not specifically sure what went wrong with the mission. I theorize that the Translation Converter (TC) may have malfunctioned, since my BINDM increased whenever I made vocal contact with others. However, I find this unlikely. Please review and troubleshoot the TC and NID's problems before using them again. Please respond to this distress call. This is Al Ien reporting out.