Goodbye My Love

A deep hatred from within, boiled over by the sudden end of three years of joyous love. My teeth grind, sending shock waves through my skull. I stutter aloud, looking for the right combination of words to describe this untamed energy that now pumps my heart into overdrive. Nothing fits, scrambling through different words, all offensive to man kind. I cannot breathe. I cannot think. My mind swirls in a momentum of depression and sorrow. I have lost something dear to me. Something great. My hands tremble, my eyes, shift, uneasily under the lamp light. What have I done? Why, have the gods cursed my name in such ways? An open hand, closes into a fist, locked into a ball of fury. No words can describe this anguish. No words, could ever do it justice. Three days of no sleep, and no food, have taken their toll on a young mans' body. I am weak, unable to concentrate on any one thought, unable to stand quickly without shifting clumsily, with a drunken swagger. My heart speaks to me, whispering into my ears an uneven rhythm, powered by shear hatred. I have never hated myself more. No one else, can I blame for misfortune I find. No one else. Her picture, near my desk, stabs my heart cruelly. I have lost the one I love, never again to obtain that happiness once felt many months before. My head rolls, and tumbles, a battle field of conflicting thoughts and fears. War is uneasy. The world around me, blurs, and distorts, my eyes, out of focus by the strain of no rest. I think back on days and nights, spent well in the warmth of home, a home so distant I can no longer feel its' presence. The memories float through my mind, reminding me of a paradise lost at my hands. These hands, weathered, torn, bruised, and battered by all that they have yet so far overcome. Now, they fail me when I need them most. I yearn for sleep, for the comfort of laying down and letting the world go, as darkness washes away my troubles and fears. I yearn for it now even, yet I cannot have it. My mind cannot sleep, not during battle. Explosions of emotions open a gaping hole in my stomach, a hole that has since the tragedy, removed all hunger from my soul. It feels as if nothing can escape it's terrible darkness, it's unknown abyss. I certainly cannot. I cannot remove this brewing darkness from my soul. It haunts me. I kiss the cool air around me, troubled by an unknown fate that I have brought upon myself, troubled, by my own downfall. I have failed you my love. I whisper ever so sweetly into the silent air. I have failed us both. Destiny calls my name from afar, awaiting my next move, awaiting my next, and final failure. I turn my back to it, uneasy to the thought of leaving just yet. I have earned but a few more moments of horror, raw horror. I can feel my heart slow now, with every other beat it's strength gives out, barely pushing on. An empty bottle of pills rests in my palm. I do not regret what I have done, only that I will never see her again. I swallow hard, gasping for air as my heart slows further. I feel a stubborn pressure pushing down n my chest, the pain of my heart stopping all at once. I fall out of my chair, still alive, yet no longer breathing. My strength fails as I fall onto my back, wide eyed at the sight of my world fading. A familiar voice nears. It is destiny. The world fades, and the pain subsides. At last, I can sleep soundly. Goodbye my love.