Which ones better?

So where do go from here?
Three to two was easy,
two to one....its so unclear.

I have that one...I feel uneasy.
To the point of no return
I go..farther in the depths of my
dispair....It never goes away
and what am I to say?
Hey...this isn't working,
this isn't what I thought,
it just might be wasting
of our time....Not what I sought.
My time is so valuable.
So far from a fable,
because they are short.
This isn't...Won't be.
I'm a last resort
aren't I?....And you see
me there incapable
of the speech I want to speak.
I'm being weak, let me be...
I don't want me
to be this pathetic little
thing in front of you!
You don't deserve my tears.
And believe me...I've shed
my fair share...tonight alone.
Because I see
you with me
being this oh so happy
item. I really hate reality!
Cause it isn't that way...
and every single day
I want to just say
I want to get out,
go the way thats easy....
but easy is boring...
boring...boring
pouring my heart into
this thing, whatever you
want to call it.
This harmful thing,
I'd like to call a "fling".
I lost my voice to sing
the words, just like I
was incapable of speech.
You're lucky I can't preach
to you like I want.
And these feelings can haunt
me for I no longer stop,
and my heart's flops
and flips; going through these dips,
but you just see that pretty
smile, with the crooked
teeth...I just seem so witty
but its really me
just acting again...
Actor huh? Me too...
Only yours is a few
hours a day...mine can be
so much more than that...
you'd never know it,
since you don't see me
everyday, to know what normal
is....

Get out of my head dear,
I beg, I ask...ever so
politely...
but thats too easy,
I like hard!
Challenge me...
I dare you...
and I will prove,
I have a strong will..
Wanting to give
into those "ooh ahh"
feelings, send me into awe.
In awe that I have such
desires, wants, pleasures.
What does this measure?
Nothing. We have nothing.
It will remain nothing
because we are moral,
nice, caring friends.
We are the dying trend.
Believe me, I do send
my love in this...somwhere
for the both of you
while I sit here
in heated emotions
but I give to the notion
my uttmost attention
if I happen to mention
my feelings too much
if my sleeve is pissing you off
please go soft,
because I'm afraid
of even you...you're my crutch
through the anger I face

I try to pace,
let him keep his space
the space he is from me
is about fourty
miles away....litereally
figuratively....its days...
I can't count the ways
I feel unspecial in this...
but sometimes bliss
is there underneath the sour
feelings I have after talks
with our friend, "Mr. Halo".
Feels like we'll have a row,
but I bite my tongue,
just a little too late,
and now I await
this horrible, terrible
judgement. Its unbearable,
but miraculously I survive
the chopping block
today I had some luck
on my side...
I could have died
He was tired
thank god, or questions
would have been asked
I'd have told of my obsessions
He would have stopped,
like a dog...dead
in its tracks
and here is where I lack
logic in my own life.
I feel the strife
in my head just beginning.
I feel everything spinning
the bad side is winning.

Fuck!
He's Gone.