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This pokes fun at those anti drug ads. This is only half way done by the way |
| Chronic of the Forest By Justin Swindall Title sequence “Chronic of the forest, Anit- drug show” Fade in: INT. Living room – Fire lit Sitting in the chair next to the fire place is Phil, he’s a Play boy Owl that’s drinking a glass of wine and smoking a pipe Phil Welcome to another installment of the Chronic chronicles. Tonight we will be talking about a serous issue and no I’m not talking about Keanu Reeves being called an actor. I’m talking about drugs. The Q card says that drugs are bad and they will rape you silly then laugh on into the night. So keep in mind that drugs are bad and they will turn you into someone like Tara Reed (Pause) Oups no wait she’s sober now wink, wink. Come to think of it, it’s more like Fire crotch. She never showed up to rehab Cut to: EXT. Forest trail – Night Chronic is a monkey that dresses like a stoner and Lil’G is a thug dog. Their walking thru a trail in the Magic Forest of Marijuana Chronic I wish we had a substance that would shine some light on our dull and sober life Lil’ G FoSho Skank crashes her rusty truck into a tree right next to Chronic and Lil’ G Chronic Oh Shit Skank is a skunk that is always drunk. Skank falls out of the truck with two tapped kegs Lil’ G Yo lets drink the rest of Skank’s beer Chronic and Lil’ G begin to drink the rest of the two kegs and Skank pulls her self up Skank (crying) Call for help, I think I killed my liver Skank falls face first, then Chronic and Lil’ G stop drinking from the kegs Lil’ G Let’s bounce over to French Pussy’s house Chronic We can use Skank’s truck Captain Clit and Qweff are a super hero duo; Captain Clit is like a Bowinkle but with a look of Lumpy from Happy tree friends look. Qweff is a Flying Squirrel that is like a Rocky but with a Silent Bob style. Captain Clit Not so fast Chronic and Lil’G, you can’t drive when you’re drunk Chronic But why Captain Clit? Qweff Because it’s not responsible Chronic What’s responsible? Captain Clit Being responsible is having a job while driving drunk Chronic What do you mean? Qweff What Captain Clit is trying to say is you can’t drive drunk unless you have a job. Lil’G But why can’t you drive drunk with out a job? Qweff Because you can get a ticket Captain Clit And if you don’t pay that ticket you’ll have to deal with the courts, and they will make you do community service Chronic What’s community service? Qweff Doing things like cleaning all the bull shit that comes out of Tom Cruse’s mouth Chronic Thanks for helping us Captain Clit and Qweff, if you didn’t tell us that we would have gotten in the car drunk while being jobless Captain Clit See ya later Chronic and Lil’G, and remember kids stay drunk why? Chronic Lil’G Because it’s what Because it’s What the kool kids are the kool kids are doing doing Qweff That’s right Skank pulls her self up again Skank Why won’t you help me? Cut to: EXT. Yogurt Bear’s front door – Afternoon Chronic knocks on the door softly Lil’G You call that a knock, boy you better ghetto knock that shit Chronic ghetto knocks the door Lil’G Knock like a playa The door opens and standing there is Yogurt Bear, he is a gay bear that wears fruity shirts Yogurt Bear Hey Lil’G Can we cut your grass? Yogurt Bear Of course Cut to: EXT. Yogurt Bear’s front lawn – Afternoon Chronic finishes up the rest of the grass Chronic Done Yogurt Bear walks out side Yogurt Bear You guys did a good job, but I can’t pay you with money because I spent the rest of it on ecstasy. But if you want I’ll give you some of the ecstasy Chronic What’s ecstasy? Yogurt Bear It’s a pill that makes techno listenable Chronic What’s Techno? Yogurt Bear It’s the horrible sounds that Moby makes Lil’G What’s a Moby? Yogurt Bear A bald hippie Yogurt Bear hands Chronic and Lil’G some pills Yogurt Bear Pop this Chronic and Lil’G pop the pills Fade in: “The Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by The Drugs are bad committee Cut to: INT. Living room There’s a chick sitting in a chair Voice (V.O) What made you take ecstasy? Chick Free will Voice (V.O) Was it fun? Chick No Voice (V.O) And why’s that? Chick Because I couldn’t stop talking and my pimp bitch slapped me for that. I also drank so much water that I peed myself and after that I went to one of Moby’s shows Voice (V.O) Do you like Moby? Chick No, his music is crap Voice (V.O) If you could tell everyone something about ecstasy what would it be? Chick To not try it Voice (V.O) And why? Chick Because they might do something stupid like me Moby walks into the room wearing a robe Moby You want some tea pumpkin skins Chick And sleep with Moby Fade in: “The Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by The Drugs are bad committee Cut to: EXT. The Weed fairy’s front yard (Chronic, Lil’ G and the Weed fairy) Chronic and Lil’ G are chilling with the Weed fairy The Weed fairy If you guys want you can cut my grass and roll it Chronic Don’t you mean bag it? The Weed fairy I’m not selling it; I’m going to smoke it Lil’ G You can smoke grass? The weed fairy Of course you can, you guys wanna try some of my grass? Chronic I guess so The Weed fairy pulls out a blunt The Weed fairy This is a blunt wrap rolled with some purple haze; this shit is off the hook Chronic grabs the blunt Lil’ G Are you giving this to us for free? The Weed fairy I am the mother fucking weed fairy, that’s my job. Put the roach under your pillow and I’ll put a freshly harvested bud under it when you’re sleeping Chronic A cock roach? The Weed fairy (Screams) The blunt roach bitch Lil’ G Thanks Weed fairy The Weed fairy No problem, it’s my pleasure to give you the haze that makes your eyes glaze (Pause) Peace The Weed fairy flies off Lil’ G Don’t we need a lighter to smoke it? Chronic I think so Captain Clit and Qweff walk up Captain Clit Did someone say they needed a light? Lil’ G Yeah Qweff hands Chronic a lighter Chronic Thanks Captain Clit and Qweff Captain Clit Remember kid’s forest fires are safe and fun Then Captain Clit and Qweff walks off, and then Chronic lights the blunt Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: INT. Bedroom – Day A male teen is sitting on his bed Voice (V.O) Did you smoke marijuana? Teen Yes Voice (V.O) Why? Teen I can’t remember Voice (V.O) Remember what? Teen What you asked me just now Voice (V.O) Don’t be a terrorist, remember things Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: EXT. Ally way – Mid day Buggie Bunny is a crack head looking bunny; and he is standing next to a dumpster as Chronic and Lil’ G walk up Chronic Hey Buggie Bunny Buggie Bunny Can I get ten bucks off ya? Lil’ G Sure, I’ll give you the ten bucks that I made from pimping Chronic out to Punta Buggie Bunny You slept with that meth head? Chronic No, we didn’t go to bed. She needed her pipes fixed; I didn’t even know that pigs had pipes between their legs Lil’ G You didn’t know that? Chronic No, how did you know that? Lil’ G Phil told me that all hoes have pipes between their legs that leak once a month. It also makes them forget how to shut their mouth Chronic What are hoes? Buggie Bunny Women, now can I get that ten? Lil’ G What do you need it for? Buggie Bunny Crack Chronic What’s crack? Buggie Bunny It’s what politicians smoke in the hotel rooms while getting a Cleveland steamer Cut to: INT. Living room – fire lit Phil is sitting on a chair next to the fire place, and he is drinking wine Phil We’re sorry for that comment, it was a cheap shot and politicians don’t smoke crack. They are honest and good people, plus they are always looking out for the lower class American people. They gave us so much, like taxes, no free health care and taxes. So we’re sorry and don’t forget to vote for your favorite douche bag. Oh wait did I say douche bag? I meant to say old douche bag Back to: EXT. Ally way – Continuing Chronic hands Buggie Bunny ten bucks Chronic Here’s the ten Buggie, but you have to pay me back ok Buggie Bunny Don’t worry I’m a crack head, I’ll pay you back Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: INT. Hotel room – Night Bill Clinton and Paris Hilton are sitting on the bed next to each other Bill Clinton I never inhaled this crack Paris Hilton What ever Bill Clinton hits the crack pipe Cut to: INT. Hotel room – Continuing Bill Clinton is humping Paris Hilton from behind Bill Clinton Who’s your president bitch? Paris Hilton’s cell phone goes off and the ring tone is “Like a virgin” Paris Hilton Someone’s calling me to tell me how hot I am, that’s hot Paris Hilton answers her cell phone Paris Hilton Hello, nothing just researching a role for a stupid spoiled whore Fade in: “10 out of 10 politicians smoke crack” Voice (V.O) Ten out of ten politicians smoke crack. Don’t be a politician, don’t smoke crack Fade out: Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: Kate Moss is standing at the front gate for a camp called “Kamp Moss” Kate Moss Hey I’m Kate Moss and I’m here to tell you about the new drug recovery camp called Kamp Moss. All the models have a camp named after them, so I thought why not me? So if you have some drugs that you’re thinking about taking, don’t take them. Instead bring those nasty and awful drugs to use at Kamp Moss. Kamp Moss has the best crack pot consolers ever; we have Whitney Huston and Courtney love. Courtney Love and Whitney Huston walk up to Kate Courtney Love (Cracked out) I don’t take drugs in six months Kate Moss We do a lot here to keep sober like playing base ball with the little boys at the camp across the river, “Catholic camp” Whitney Huston I’m a diva, I’m a diva, I said diva let me hear you say diva Kate Moss Shut up it’s my air time crack diva Whitney punches Kate Moss to the ground and then jumps on Kate while beating her senseless Courtney Love (Cracked out) So call now if you want to itch my vagina. Get a free bucket of crabs, just pick your own Cut to: EXT. Forest – Morning Choppy is leaning on a tree as Chronic walks up Chronic What’s up Choppy? Choppy Hey Chronic, where you headed? Chronic I’m going to school Choppy You know that you don’t need school to learn? Chronic Don’t be silly Choppy, of course you do Choppy I got something that will open your mind to more things then school ever will Chronic Don’t you mean open more doors choppy? Choppy If by doors you mean money, then yeah you could make fat loot with it Chronic How could I get some of this wonderful stuff? Choppy I’ll give you some if you promise to go to Big Tooth and tell him that I sent you, ok Chronic? Chronic Ok, I’ll do that when I go over their today to cut his grass Choppy You’ll be doing more then just cutting it Chronic You mean bagging it right? Choppy Yeah Choppy hands Chronic a bag of cocaine Choppy Here, it’s the candy that makes you dandy Chronic Do I eat the candy? Choppy No, you sniff it threw a straw Chronic Thanks Choppy Chronic walks off Choppy Sweat shit, I’m going to get free cocaine for getting Big Tooth another custo Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: INT. School hallway – In between class’ A teen walks up to a locker and opens it up Voice (V.O) What happened? Teen I tried cocaine Voice (V.O) Why? Teen Because the TV says it’s kool Voice (V.O) What happened after you used cocaine? Teen I was coked out Voice (V.O) And Teen I got in a fight with some kid that hit me in the nose, and then it started to bleed Voice (V.O) Cocaine will kill you with a bloody nose, don’t do cocaine Teen But I’m still alive Then strange dude walks up to Teen and shoots him in the head Voice (V.O) Cocaine kills Fade in: “Drugs are bad committee” Voice (V.O) Paid by the drugs are bad committee Cut to: EXT. Lil’ G’s front door – Morning Chronic is knocking on the door, and Lil’ G answers Lil’ G What’s poppin’ Chronic? Chronic Hey Choppy gave me this one stuff that helps you learn better then school Lil’ G What the hell is it? Chronic pulls out a bag of cocaine Chronic This, Choppy called it the candy that will make you dandy Lil’ G Do we eat it? Chronic Choppy said to sniff it threw a straw Lil’ G I got straws Chronic Well then let’s sniff some candy Cut to: INT. Lil’ G’s living room – Continuing Lil’ G breaks out a few lines of coke on the table Chronic You wanna try first? Lil’ G Fuck it, why not Chronic hands Lil’ G a straw and Lil’ G then sniffs a line of cocaine Cut to: EXT. Bus stop – Morning French Pussy and 420 are standing their 420 Dude I was probed by Tom cruse last night, he stuck his turkey bastur in my ass French Pussy Welcome to my world Chronic and Lil’ G walk up Chronic Hey guys French Pussy What’s wrong with your eyes? 420 (Screams) Ahhhhh, Tom Cruse is jumping in my head Chronic Choppy gave me this one stuff called candy that makes you dandy French Pussy A stranger once gave me candy that was peach colored and was meant to be sucked on. It had a vary sour cream filling Lil’ G Well this candy makes you smart, so we won’t have to go to school anymore 420 (Screams) He’s trying to convert me to Scientology French Pussy Are we still going today? Chronic Of course, it’s field trip day Then Chronic pulls out a bag of cocaine Chronic Now let’s use some candy Cut to: EXT. Bus stop – Twenty minutes later Chronic, Lil’ G, French Pussy and 420 are all coked out 420 (Screams) Tom cruse won’t stop jumping on my brain French Pussy I haven’t felt this good sense I went to the Never land ranch Lil’ G What did you do their? French Pussy Michael Jackson took his Fade in: “Censored” Back to: EXT. Bus stop – Continuing French Pussy Then used his Jesus juice as lubrication Lil’ G That shit is fucked up French Pussy A limo pulls up and Moe steps out from the back seat Moe Chronic, my boss wants to make you an offer that you can’t refuse French Pussy The last time my soft ball couch told me that, he Fade in: “Censored” Back to: EXT. Bus stop – Continuing French Pussy Anus Chronic Ok, as long as we’re back on time for the field trip Moe I’ll give you guys a ride French Pussy The last time someone gave me a ride it was in a strange looking white van Moe Then what happened? French Pussy He Fade to: “Censored” Back to: EXT. Bus stop – Continuing French Pussy With peanut butter Moe What the hell is wrong with him? Lil’ G He’s prone to getting raped |
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