"Dick and Jane, A Love Story"

dick and jane
it had been exactly five days six hours and fifity three minutes since the door of janes life slammed shut. at least in her eyes. that was when dick left her. walked out of thier marriage of seven years and out of her life. "or so he thought" jane said aloud to no one .
the first couple of days she had been in a state of simi shock. sure things hadnt been going smooth for sometime and her addiction to cleaning hadnt helped. dick was so laied back and she had always been a neat freak. but after they married jane had tried to make sure everything was just right and that had, in the last few years turned in to an obcession. dick just didnt seem to understand why she had to have the fringe on the hall rug lined up perfectly before she could come to bed, or why she was always rearranging the kitchen cabnets. he had tried to explain to her that things did not always have to be just so in order to be clean. jane had likewise tried to explain to dick that it had to be just so or it just wasnt right. and she had to make it right! and so it went. oft times he grew tired of waiting for her to shower and dress for an outing, while she counted her hair brush strokes ( must be 300 on each side) and her toothbrush strokes( must be twenty storkes per tooth) he paced and smoked which jane really hated, so much ciggerate ash on everything,
that he would finially stop asking her to hurry up , stopped telling her they would be late and that she looked great and yes dear the first shirt you put on is fine , that he would leave with out her. in the last year and a half he had stopped even asking her to go anywhere with him.
dick had stopped also talking to her almost completly. while she spent her time cleaning and making things right dick had went on with his life so to speak. try as she might jane couldnt stop her obcession. even when he had threatened to leave so many times before. in janes mind as soon as everything was perfect in thier home dick would see her efforts were for them both. not only was she making it right for her self but for dick too.
now alone and in the empty house jane began to crumble. the movers had come and taken all the furniture three days ago.she had vacumed the carpet several hundered times since then. dick took everything. the movers only left the vacume cleaner when she had grabbed it from one of them as they were taking it out telling him she had to have it to clean the carpet before she left to meet her husband. one part was a lie.she didnt even know where dick had gone. but the carpet cleaning part was true.she had to make it right . clean it . she knew she would be sleeping on it that night. the thought of dirt and germs and God forbit tiny microspoic creatues deep in the pile would have driven her off the clift for sure. so she vacumed and vacumed and vacumed more. it wasnt until the belt broke and she smelled the faint odor of burning rubber that she unpluged the machine and stood it by the door. she had done her shower ritual then came down stairs and sat in the floor. her mind exploded with thoughts of where to go and what to do. she had no job to keep her busy, no childeren either. no siblings and her mother and father had both died with in weeks of each other five years ago. dick was her life..now she was alone and had no clue where to turn . her life was over. and so she sat on the carpet and watched out the window for dick. surely he would change his mind and come back for her. he couldnt leave her like this. it just wasnt right. not right at all.
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at twenty nine years old jane was tall slim and to others seemed perfectly normal on the outside.sure people noticed her many quirks, like wearing gloves constantly ( her fear of germs made her do this) or her ever presant bottle of gremx and tissues ( she loved the person who thought if inventing germ x, he had to be a genius) but most people chalked it up to jane just being jane.no one but dick know how deep her obcessions had become. when she stopped going shopping to have more time to clean the small house it seemed the perfect idea to her. dick resented the extra job he aquired of food shopping and did not hesitate to tell her she was in need of mental help and the sooner the better. .
but she knew she didnt have time to shop, just washing all the cans dick brought home and arranging them in order on the pantry shelves took her close to five hours. where does he think i would find time to shop anyway, jane had told him. didnt he realize all the cans had to be covered with nasties. so many people handling them. no they must be washed and dried and put on the shelves just right or she could not start to cook a meal. dick just rolled his eyes in the way she had come to understand was his way of throwing up his hands and giving up.
he simply would not acknowledge the pure fact that all sickness comes from filth. nor that in cleaning and making things right she was saving them both from all manner of terrrible illnesses. who knew if the awful flesh eating bacteria people all over the world were getting didnt come from nothing but filth.nasty bacteria breeding and waiting silently..on the grocery store shelves boiling and fermenting on the cans of food waiting for some unsuspecting shopper to take it home before exploding into the first tiny open sore or paper cut on someone in the family.. and jane was determined to stamp out filth !! after all she had told dick, its for our own safety.
but poor dick didnt understand and now he was gone, out in the nasty germ filled world eating teenage spit covered fast food and probaly sleeping under sperm and urine stained sheets in some ratty motel. she remembered had seen the black light test revieling how filthy motel rooms were a couple years ago on the nightly news.
that thought made jane phycially shuddder and she drew her legs up under her chin. it was now dark out and she was headed into her sixth day with out dick. dark circles under her sunken eyes had creeped into her face and her once shiny blue eyes were now red rimmed and leaking. she wasnt aware of the small string of spittle that hung from her slightly agape mouth, or the pain of her raw fingers from constant nail bitting and washing. and so she sat inside her self as the sun broke on her seventh day alone..
for the next two days jane sat by the window and watched life go by outside. no sign of dick. her already thin frame began to look emancated and the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced. she didnt bathe or eat.the germs she had feared for so long and had tried to wash away and clean away seemed to have all settled into her brain. now festering into complete maddenss as she sat lookiing out the window of her very clean yet very empty house. things are not right ! no, indeed -de - do not right at all jane sing songed to her self as she bit her raw fingers where her nails once grew. pain was as foreign to her as reality had become. nothing mattered anymore but finding dick and making it all right again. she imagined all the nasties he was getting out there. he dosent realize all the danger he is in, she knew it was true. he needed her now more than ever. he just didnt realize it yet..
when the mailman came depositing mail on her ninth day of staring jane noticed with slitted ruemmy eyes he failed to close the mailbox. there were white envelops sticking out at the top of the partually open door. rising to her feet she scanned the street. then again focused on the mailbox's protruding contence. chewing one bleeding finger she said " this will not do, no no no wont do at all it, isnt right, leaving the door open like that , the nerve of some people messing things up, i can fix it yes in dee dedo i can. " she opened the door and padded barefoot to the mail box. grabbed the offending envelopes and slammed the box shut. then she opened it again. shut it opened it shut it. over and over counting as she did. the mail in her hands forgotten she was now intent on opening and closing the box until it was just right. until it closed completly and she was sure no slight disturbance would make it fly open and of course cause her to lose something valueable that might come with the post. it took exactly fifity seven times opening then closing before it was right. smiling and satisfied jane walked back into her house and locked the front door. after she put up the safety chain she touched the door knob the right number if times . this being twenty two altho she couldnt tell you why. walked to the sitting place sat down and began to sort the mail. she sorted the sale flyers from the occupant mail one pile for each, then she sorted the remailing envelopes by size a nice pile for the ones with her name , a pile for ones with dicks name and a pile for the ones where it was addressed to them both.. she had several piles when she was finished. neatly arranged in front of her and slightly smeared with pale pink fingerprints from her raw fingers. the task had made her sweat and she now smelled of a sickly kind of sweet. body ordor, sweat and a faint underlying scent of lady stetson cologne. but she didnt notice. her oily stringy hair hung limp in her face as she paused to decide which pile to open first.
she decided the only right thing to do was count each pile first then open the smallest one . that pile happened to be the envelpoes addressed to dick only. making sure all the nice piles were perfectly straight she slowly picked up the first letter adressed to dick and opened it. it was a message from the accountants office where he worked. it was short and to the point. from the main office explaining in light of his recent change of residences all his future correspondence from then on would galdly be fowarded to his new address. the next lines were like diamonds found in a bucket of coal to jane. three lines. . dicks new address was right in front of her and now she knew it was devine guidance that was leading her back to dick. oh sure she remembered him telling her the day he left he would never want her in his life again, wasnt going to give her his new address and she should go find a clinic and some good doctors that could help her with her problem. he had enough and was as sorry as he was about the whole damn mess he had to leave and leave now. for his own sanity. but now a devine force had interviened . he needed her and even tho he didnt realize it something did and that something led someone at his office to send a nice curtasy note to him about his address change. here it was, dicks new house .now she wouldnt just sit and wait , now she was going to fullfill destiny. she would go to dick he would see the error of his ways . acknowledge she was right all along. she could help him clean his place . she knew it had to be teaming with bacteria for he never had quit his nasty living habbits . like just tossing his dirty clothes on the floor or leaving his wine glass half full on the desk where he paied bills.. why if it wasnt for her he might already have died from a terrible disease. she had once seen him drink stale wine from a nasty glass that had sat out over night all the while chomping hungerly on day old pizza . that horror of horrors had been left sitting out on his desk too. she made sure to scour the house each night from that day foward to find any plates or glasses he may have not taken to the kitchen,. hes so helpless with out me jane thought . whos going to protect him if not me?? unaware of her disheveled apperence or her stink, jane left the house with out even doing her door knob ritual so intent she was to go to poor dick.to save dick from him self. to make things right again . she headed in the direction of dicks new address and to make up for not completing the door knob ritual she decided if she did not step on any cracks in the side walk and counted to fifity everytime she saw a blue car, things would work out just fine. and so in the fading light of day jane headed toward dick. his salvation flying to him on bare feet. watching cracks and counting cars. her ever presant outside the house grem barrier gloves forgotten she walked counted and steadly nawed the tip her raw stubby left ring finger..
it was full night when jane reached her husbands new address. standing alone on the sidewalk in front of 6336 parish hollow lane she saw no lights inside the quaint house of her dear darling dick. either he wasnt home or he was alseep already. she quickly added the numbers of his new address and decided it was not good. 666. devil numbers, she whispered to her self. dick should have known better. she would inform him of his error as soon as she could see him. who in thier right mind would live in a place with such nasty numbers. she knew she would not.no sir ree not me, she frowned, not in a million years. it wasnt right. seven steps to the front porch, well that helped to balance the wrongness of the address so she felt some better as she reached the front door. peeking in the small glass of the door she could see nothing. he had covered the windows with some old sheets , just like him not to care about what it looks like. so sad . well she could help him fix everything yes indeed. she could. trying to door knob she found it locked tight. it still would not open when she alternatly twisted it left then right exactly nine times.still locked. catching a glimps of her reflection in the dark glass of the door she stopped. who was there? who was watching her? someone with droopy hair and sunken eyes staired back at her. she hadnt reconized her own reflection and it scared her. she quietly hurried to the side of the house, pressed her thin body close to the vynal siding and stood still. her body began to shake and she thought she saw someone behind the large aziala bushes watching her.squatting down on her haunches she sat. watching the night, listening to the silent house and lost in her own paranioa. until almost dawn...
as the sun was comming up jane heard the first sounds comming from inside the house. dick had his alarm clock set to the same startion he always had. WKAR FM where the hits never stop and rock and roll still rules..she heard him turn up the volume . riders on the storm was playing. dick always did like the doors she remembered. she heard a toilet flush and dick singing to the music.when she finially heard the shower start she made her move. edging around to the back of the house she saw a screen door leading to an inclosed porch. into this door she slipped and once there she could see right into the kitchen! grabbing the inside door knob she tried it and knew instantly devine guidance once again had led her here for the knob turned easily and she stepped into the kiitchen.
dick parker was thirty one. still in fine shape and working at the same steady job he had gotten at bakker and watson accounting firm in the city.
his decision to leave jane after so long had not come easy to him. he liked the finalness of marriage and the first several years were bliss to him.jane had started out as a perfect wife. she was beautiful tall athletic and very charming.plus she was a good cook and kept a clean home for them. supper waiting on the table when they he got home and she seemed to love doting on him. bringing him a cold beer while he watched football, laying out just the perfect clothes, all matching too for him every morning.right down to her setting out his bath towels and having hot coffee waiting as soon as he he woke up. he didnt know how she did it all and still held down her job at the diner five days a week.life was good and dick relished the memories. then the last four years had turned into a semi nightmare. jane quit her job. that part didnt bother dick she didnt need to work. his salery was large enough to give them a comfortable income, but it was the reasons she gave him that first lit the flame of his concerns, she had told him she needed more time at home.since things were going so well he didnt question her at the time. but as the months passed he began to see her become more and more obcessed with ceanlyness.. he chalked it up to her quirks of wanting things perfect for them. and he admired her work at home ethics. when he started noticing her talking to her self like she was trying to decide something improtiant he started to become more worried about his lovely wife.. when he caught her in the bathroom pulling out the hairs on her legs one at a time with tweezers and putting them in asprin bottle he knew something was really going haywire with her...first he tried talking to her. her answers seemed to make some sence at first but as time passed and she began to do more and more things he could not ignore. like insisting he wear gloves and a face mask when ever he left the house , he started to look for her some professional help. every appointment he made her she missed for one reason or the other and he finially just gave up.he was tired and confused at her behavior and imbarressed for his few friends to see her in action. the worst thing he could remember was when his buddy bob informed him jane had requested bob buy new clothes to wear when he visited . she had told bob his varsity football t-shirt was so nasty with stains she couldnt bear him sitting on the sofa and wouldnt a nice new pair of jeans make him feel better too? bob laughed when he told dick about this conversation he'd had with jane one football sunday when he went to the cooler for more beer. taken aback dick tried to laugh it off to but bob stopped comming to watch football soon after that. jane wouldnt deny she had talked to bob but tried to make it sound like she was joking and he took it wrong. dick somehow knew better. he had seen her turn up her nose when his buddys would come in the door, and seen too her rush to find the freebreeze and lysol spray as soon as everyone left. his life with jane had turned into a dance of silence. he tried to stay out of her way when he was home and tried not to dirty things up anymore than he could manage. but jane only got worse. when she started telling him to watch out while filling his gas tank because someone was putting infected aides needles on the handles and insisted he shower and shave more than once a day followed by a healthy dose of rubbing alcohol all over his body, to kill germs of course he finially had enough. he wanted children someday and at this rate jane would not be able to handle dirty diapers and the usual baby messes. he was sure of that. he almost feared if they did have kids what ever was happening to her might pass onto thier children, he couldnt take that chance. not that there was any chance of her getting pregnant . not in the last three years anyway. she had started to fear getting sexual germs too. bathing both before and after if they were going to have sex. insisting he do the same . so thier sex life had become more trouble than dick could take. gone was the happy playfull jane he had married .no more spontanious lovemaking at all hours of the day and night. now it had changed into a ritual of washng washing and more washing. he had to leave her if he ever expected to have a normal life. and so after some soul searching and a little house hunting he did. he found this house not far from the one him and jane rented and spent several weeks telling her of his decision. begging her to find someone to help her and even suggesting if she could get over what ever was scaring her so much they might have a chance of trying again. jane ignored him. she acted like he was kidding and when the day came he was to leave he just left.no more words were going to change her and he was all talked out. he held little hope of them ever getting back together if she staied the same . living with her was not fun anymore and she refused to admit anything was wrong. he did hate to leave her with no funiture but had decided if he did it that way maybe it would force her to face some facts. facts like she needed help and hopefully push her into action. hope was all dick had at this piont. life was way to short to spend it afraid of everything like jane had become. he only hoped she had got it together now and was in some nice treatment center getting the help she so badly needed.
all in all dick was feeling ok that morning as he showered for work. thinking about jane was one of his habits . after so long married and yes he had to admit he still loved the old jane. he just wanted things back like they were when they married or he was really going to move on with his life.. his favorite rock and roll balsted from his kitchen radio and he sang along with jim morrisons sultry vioce as he showered, " people are strange when your a stranger . people get ugly when your alone........he loved jim morrison. now he was deep! a real poet . not many song writers like him anymore. thought dick as he sang and rinsed his hair in the shower. turning off the water he reached beside the shower stall to the towel rack. " damnit" he said aloud when his hand fell on the empty rack. he was so used to things always being right there when he wanted them because that was one nice thing about janes obcessions, never having to get out of the shower with soap stinning in his eyes , jane always had his towel waiting. he realized he had forgotten to get one from the hamper in the bedroom. stepping naked from the tub and wiping his eyes with one wet hand dick still humming the beat of the doors, reached almost blindly foward and opened the bathroom door,
a shock of sharp piercing pain slammed into the side of his head and he fell with a loud thud.his upper body in the bedroom , lower body still half in the steamy bathroom .he groaned loudly tried to claw his way into a standing position ending up making it almost to his knees. he touched the side of his head with one hand and could feel a rush of warm liquid gushing from his wound.
what the fuck? dick said looking into the kitchen through squinting eyes, standing in front of him was some crazy woman, she was holding the cast iron skillett he intended to use this morning to fry his eggs. blood dripped off the pan onto the fluffy beige carpet of the bedroom floor and blood was pouring from his head too. he tried to stand once more and thats when the crazy woman barred her teeth and hit him again ..
it was raining when dick woke up.he wondered why he was laying naked in the rain at the dr. john concert. too much pot? too much boones farm strawberry wine ? he wondered then he opened his eyes and realized he wasnt out in the rain he was in a bath tub and for some reason he couldnt move. pain suddenly slammed into his body like a run away train and he screamed. " what the bloody hell?? " tied hand and foot and anchored to the metal towel rings on the wall and the facet of the tub he was cinched tight. all the movement he could manage was a slight wiggle side to side. he screamed for help.glancing wildly around the bathroom the memory of the crazy lady creeped into his mind.
"Oh my God dick groaned, something is very wrong here , he could hear his radio playing and dr john was singing" i was in the right place musta been the wrong time," and dick knew he was in a very wrong place at eight am in the morning. hell, the wrong place for any damn time of the day .lukewarm water was misting from the shower head and dick shivered from the chill of his nakedness and the cold tub he was laying in. im being robbed he thought, maybe that nutty lady was gone and he could make the neighbors hear him if he yelled loud enough. " help help somebody call the police im being robbed" he yelled as loud as he could. a gangly figure came into the bathroom and stood over dick. blood from his head wounds had dripped back into his eyes and it was hard to focus. " please take what you want just let me go, i have three credit cards in my wallet on the dresser and some cash too. please take it and go " he managed to say to the figure. " oh dick i dont need money the vioce said , i have come to help you ," startled at the femilure sound of his wifes voice, dick shook his head trying to see the figure better." jane?? is that you jane? thank God someone broke in this morning and..." opening his eyes wide, he couldnt attatch the voice of his jane to the scary woman that now stood over the tub watching him. in a crazy kind of way she looked like jane but she was all wrong. jane would never walk out of the house looking like that. this woman was bedraggled. stringy hair fell over her face and she was dirty and God she smelled! " who are you and what the fuck do you want" dick tried to sound tough but he felt more like a scared little boy talking to the boogyman or boogywoman as this seemed to be. " its jane sweety, remember the wife you walked out on? ive come to help you. i knew you needed me and so i came. just look at you all dirty and nasty. lets just clean you up a bit ok honey?? jane reached to the facet and turned the hot water on full . "this should wash all thoes nasty germs away yes indeed- de- do it should." a blast of hot water shot from the shower head and with in a minute was scalding dick quite nicely. " nooo God jane whats happened to you , shut the water off its too fucking hot God jane pleaseeeeeeeeeeee" dicks screams of pain fell on deaf ears as jane had left the bathroom and turned up the sound on the radio. elvis sang a hunk a hunk of burning love at top volume as dick thrashed in the scalding water. he yanked at the ropes holding him to no avail and all he could do was scream as the skin on his lower body started to burn and blister..
when the scalding hot water started bursting the blisters on his skin dick passed out. when he woke up jane had truned off the shower and he was expierncing pain like only a third degree burn patient can feel. shivering from shock and still tightly bound in the tub dick groaned with agony. he could hear his wife singing to the radio still blaring in the kitchen. as the dj for WKAR FM where the hits never stop and rock and roll rules was announcing the next song he yanked at his restraints and sent a fresh wave of pain through his lower body.. he didnt want to cry but he couldnt help it .hello is there anybody in there , just nod if you can hear me is there anyone at home.. elvis had changed to pink floyd and dick was trapped like a moth in a spider web. all he could do was cry and shiver and wait for jane or whoever she had become to come back into the bathroom . his mind was stuck on pain and could barley regester any other thought he praied he could sudddenly become comfortably numb but it wasnt happening.. nausa rocked him and he puked up last nights taco bell nacho bell grande all over his chest.
any resonblence to sanity had all but left jane.she was now intent on ridding poor dick of any and all nasties he had surely gotten since he walked out on her and her clean home. with no one to tell dicky what to avoid jane knew he had picked up some terrible disease and it was her job to make it right again.yes indeed de do jane thought dick has to be shed of his germs and the sooner the better. clean him up yep ill clean him up good she said aloud. rummaging through his new rental house jane soon found all her old cleaning supplies, gathered them in one big box and went back into the bathroom. "oh dickyyyyyyy wake up dear. im back and its time to wash you up sweetheart. i know you hate to be all nasty so dont fret ill take good care of you .. yes in deed de do i will." a new wave of horror shook dick as he opened his eyes and saw monster jane standing above him holding a gallon of safeway bleach. dick struggled to talk .his tounge was glued to his lips with blood and he managed to mumble something that sounded like "ohdearGodinheavennooooooooooooo"..right before jane unscrewed the bleach bottle and poured it on top of his severly burned raw and throbbing lower body.. "argggggggggggg!" he screamed. mercy interviened and dick passed out. he wasnt even totally aware when jane took her copper chore boy pot scrubber and began to scrub him starting at his feet.. by the time she had scoured him with the copper chore boy pad up to his penis he was once again awake and screaming as loud as his tortured body would let him. "now now dick this is all for your own good . stop all that fussing it is giving me one insane headache" jane told dick as she stood up beside the tub. her hands were covered in his blood and patches of raw skin that had neatly come off with the good scrubbing she had given him. dick was beyond hearing. he couldnt even pray for death at this point. his mind was filled with agony and all he could do was twist in his gore filled tub and scream. though jane had so lost touch with reality she didnt fear anyone hearing him , she did know he was really pissing her off with all that noise not to mention the throbbing headache he was giving her. setting the safeway belach beside the box of cleaning supplies she reached into the box and her hand touched her black handled pinking sheers.now how did these get in here.they dont go here jane thought . they go in my sewing box. where is my sewing box? i have to put these away. it isnt right all my things arent in the places they belong. no not right indeed. looking back at dick once more jane bent over and with a tiny bit of effort neatly cut off his protruding tounge with herpinking shears and dropped it into the toilet and gave it a flush. dicks screaming changed to gurggling and he choked on his own blood before jane left the bathroom to find her sewing box.
two hours later jane had still not found her sewing box and she decided dick must have forgotten to pack it after all. walking back into the bathroom jane looked at her very dead husband and shook her head. oh dick why must you always make these messes for me to clean up.its beyond me why i have to do everything. jane found her ginsu knife still on top of the toilet tank where she had cut the ropes to bind dick, altho she didnt remember doing this, and she cut off his big toe first. singing to herself this little piggy went to market, this little piggy staied home, when she finished the song all ten of dicks toes were resting a neat row on the edge of the tub. the fingers came next. once she had him arm less leggless and headless jane got the heavy duty aluminum foil from the kitchen and a big box of ziplock bags and packaged dick quite neatly. she had to do some shifitng to place all his parts in the freezer accourding to size but she finially got the job done.pleased with her self and the neatness of the freezer jane was finially getting hungry.
she set her blood smeared cast iron skillet back on the stove and turned it on high and cooked her self some dinner.
janis was singing on WKAR FM where the hits never stop and rock and roll still rules, as jane poured her self some of dicks wine to go with her meal. all she ever wanted jane thought was dick to love her and give her his whole heart. so as miss joplin sang take another little piece of my heart now baby... jane smiled . she finially did have dicks heart. yes indeed de do she did, right in front of her on one of her blue and white china plates. pleased and contented, she smiled, sighed and took another bloody bite........
the end........