Compilation, John and Margie

The act was one she had done many times, but today would be different. The simple task of downloading her camera to her computer was going to reveal something startling. It was the start of the collapse of her marriage and her seeking the truth about what she thought she knew. The card was read. As she selected the images to transfer one stuck out more than any of the others, it wasn’t her clothes, it wasn’t her child, and her husband had no solid answers. She would never forget that image it would haunt her as she looked at children she met around town. Could it be that she was making more out of this than what was really there?

She stared at the computer for some time. The woman in the picture, whose head was excluded from the shot, held a newborn baby in the hospital. The bright pink outfit and pastel pink hat made the gender of the baby obvious. This couldn’t be her child. The 3 boys were sitting on the couch with their father. Neither she nor her husband could ever put a boy in pink. Not to mention the sterile looking hospital backdrop was far from where she gave birth. Her home could never pass as that location. Thinking maybe she had forgotten a friend’s birth she checked the date the photo was taken.

As the date on the picture came up she became overcome with emotion. The date revealed it was taken during a family trip to visit  her parents and siblings. Her husband was on a dead line at work, so he claimed, and unable to take the time to go on vacation. Now thoughts ran through her mind. After her last birth her hubby had spent more time away from home for work. Their relationship strained and many times both mentioned divorce. Was the time of strain enough to push her husband into another woman’s arms? Could he lead a life with that other woman, with her having his child, while coming home to their boys most nights? Would another woman be willing to only have a lover and father to a child one night a week?

Again she went back to the photo. The girl had full cheeks that looked like they were wind chapped. Little hands barely outstretched the fleece appearing sleeper. She wondered how big the baby was maybe seven pounds and some odd ounces. The baby looked short to her. She guessed it was only 19 inches long. Her focus slowly shifted from the baby. Who was the mother? She appeared thinner, maybe 115 pounds from what was shown. She wore a yellow green shirt that wrinkled on top of the newly deflating belly. The jeans looked loose. The detail on the well manicured nails forced her to reflect on herself.  Her thoughts flooded, she never looked that thin after birth. The swelling she fought throughout pregnancy did subside until the newest addition was 2 months old. Her body was nothing like it was when they met. Even when not pregnant she carried an extra 30 lbs on her frame.

She sat there in wonder. A lump started forming in her throat. Quickly it grew from a grain of sand to a fist sized steel ball. She choked.

“Are you ok?”  her husband asked.

Stumbling for words and fighting to breath she managed to whisper “Yeah, fine.”

A few moments later, she was still concerned about this photo. Finally she decided to confront her husband about the image of the baby in an environment she had never birthed.

In the sweetest voice she could muster, “Honey,” she called. “Do you know who this is?”

“Who who is?”

“The mother and baby in this picture….. I don’t know any new baby girls.” She tried to remain calm.

“The only baby I know is Adam”, he called back.

He had not come over to the computer yet. Was he avoiding looking? Did he know who she was looking at? Why is he avoiding this! She demanded in her head. “But hon, Adam is a boy born at home. This is a girl in a pink sleeper at a hospital.”

“Maybe it’s your sister’s kid?”  he started sounding short.

“Sally had her baby in May. The properties of this picture say its from Thanksgiving ~ while I was at mom’s.” She was starting to hear the anger in her voice. “John, do you remember the troubles we had right after Adam’s birth?”

“What troubles?It’s the same then as it is the rest of the year you are just more hormonal then and take everything out of context.”

Hormonal?! She thought. This coming from a man that spends more time thinking with his privates that his brain?! He thinks I’m hormonal?!

Feeling as though she could no longer avoid her assumption she blurted out “I know you had an affair and this is your baby.”

A deafening silence overtook their living room. John’s face started losing color. His mouth moved but nothing came out. Tears welled up in both of their eyes. Finally she spoke again through sobs.

“Well, is this your baby? I have the right to know. Did you have an affair?”

John looked at her. His shoulders slumped. His posture seemed to have crumbled like a sand castle meeting a rising tide. At this point in time Tommy entered the living room. It was a welcomed interruption for both of them. Tommy gave his mother and father hugs.  They stared at Tommy through tear filled eyes until Adam cried for a feeding.  Somehow, she new this wouldn’t be the end of the photo, but the wounds it created were too fresh to even lick.

Nothing had been said since the discovery of the photo. That night both she and her husband went to bed without saying a word about it. As they slept it seemed that the bed had separated moving them to different realms. Finally, after tossing in bed most of the night daylight broke and Margie decided to take a walk. She placed Adam into some warm clothes, and then gently folded blankets around him as she set him into the stroller. John and the older boys would be asleep for at least another hour and she needed this time to think and talk. She didn’t expect an answer from the babbling baby but maybe somehow she could get answers to her burning questions.

As she stepped outside Margie was kissed by a short cold wind. Compared to how she had felt last night, this wind’s kiss was welcomed and relieving. At this point in time she opened her conversation.

“God, how could you do this to me? What have I done to earn your scorn?”

A wind whistled by and seemed to answer her. What she heard was, “Sssssssssssssssssscorn?”

With a heavy sigh she said, “Are you going to play innocent too?”

Her thoughts raced back to the night before. How her husbands words had stumbled when she confronted him about the picture on the camera. She thought about how John had first tried to suggest that she had taken the image, or that she was lacking memory of this event. Then she could see in her mind how he stumbled in his speech when she confronted him with the idea of it being his child.  Did he honestly think he would be able to convince her it was a friend’s child that she could have missed placed a memory of entering into a hospital. Was he so involved in this lie that he failed to consider the fact the mother had no head?!

A sharp wind smacked Margie’s face. As she rubbed the sore spot the wind again whispered to her. It hissed out the words, “Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance? Deceptioooooooooooooooooon. Disssssssssssssscovery?”

Margie thought more about the baby girl photo, the mystery woman, and her boys. She was still overwhelmed at the discovery of her husband’s affair and how he tried to play it off as her mistake. She knew that the revelation was not meant to come about this way. John would have tried something more deceptive. Maybe he would have found a way to introduce the two knowing his wife would go crazy talking babies with the adulteress. Maybe he would just continue to have his one night out a week and never say anything until the baby was old enough to call and look for him.  The picture being stored on the camera had to have been God’s work. But what is she supposed to do now?

Her pace picked up as she started to walk down a hill. The stroller tried to pull ahead out of her grip. She could feel her fingers slipping and it felt much like how she felt towards her marriage. Her thoughts raced as she stepped down the incline. Her strides picked up pace so she could once again feel in control of her stroller. As she progressed Margie started sobbing. Finally, as she came to a more level stretch, she cried out, “But, God, what am I to do?”

The wind seemed to have her and she felt alone without it to accompany her home. She felt comforted that this had happened for a reason. Now the deception could not continue. She had a difficult road ahead of her and the still, cool air lacked comfort. She turned around and starting pushing the stroller back up the hill. Ideas of what should be done started filling her mind. Sharing her husband intimately with another woman was a subject on which she was not willing to compromise. The time had come for her to pray for guidance and to seek the help of someone out side this triangle.

It seemed like it took such a short time to make this morning walk, as she approached her home, the lights were on and she could hear the older boys arguing for the television remote. The minivan sat in front of the house idling, exhaust steam billowed up by the only bumper sticker that was placed on it. It had used to say “Trust God”, but now the text was fading and the edges were peeling. She thought about how much those words once meant to her. She stepped up to the door and a soft breeze tossed her hair into her eyes, she felt uneasy as she opened the front door. At that moment her confidence at the bottom of the hill was waning and she started to doubt what she heard in the wind. But now her faith was wavering with the recent discovery. “Trust God,” she said as she pulled Adam out of the stroller. “I wish I could fully trust God, but I fear that this is the hardest trial to over come.”

It was mid afternoon when John called. Margie couldn’t believe the day had gotten away from her. It seemed like only moments before she had come in from her walk with the talking breeze. As she searched for the ringing phone, her gaze shifted to the window. Although it had been cool and breezy this morning, the weather had quickly shifted to a snow storm. She had not noticed the layer of snow that had built up outside the house. Hesitantly, she thought to not answer the phone and dress the boys for some snow playtime. The persistent rings forced her decision to answer the phone.

“Margie, I have a big favor to ask of you, and us?” the voice on the phone stated in a dire tone.

She couldn’t think of why John could sound so stressed. Unsure of what the favor could be she quietly asked, “What do you need John?”

“I can’t find a good way to ask this. I just got a call from a friend. The power is out at their place. The building doesn’t have a generator. I would hate for her baby to get sick staying in a cold building. Would it be ok for me to bring them home with me for dinner?”

The phone slipped from Margie’s hand and hit the floor. The thick piled carpet prevented it from breaking, but a loud thud was able to be heard on both ends. Muffled sounds came out of the receiver as John tried to encourage her to pick up the phone. It took just a moment, but she finally retrieved the phone and responded, “You mean you want her to stay in my house?”

“Margie, we need to discuss this. It will be easier to have the entire facts straight if Jennifer, you, and I all talk like adults. We can have dinner, and then after the kids are sleeping talk about what you think is going on.”

Margie yelled in her head, what I think is going on? Am I some imbecile? I know the wife was too dumb to catch me messing around on my marriage outside of the home I’ll just move the mistress in with us. My goodness what do I have to do?! I’m just supposed to welcome the woman with whom my husband had an affair into my home? God, to what end will you test my faith and marriage? After regaining herself from this internal rant she responded, “It is the right thing to do. We have a spare room down stairs with an empty bed. I can’t justify letting one of your children getting sick because the mother failed to provide for it. But there will be a lot of discussion after the children sleep.”

“I’m so relieved to hear you being the Margie I fell in love with. There could be no better Christian on this earth than you. That’s why I love you so much.”

“I loved you too.”

“Oh yeah, honey, the office is closing earlier because of bad weather. I’ll try to get home with Jenny and Ali as quickly as I can.”

“Ok. Bye, John,” She hung up before John could respond.

A quick glance outside revealed the snowfall was getting heavier. She looked at the clock to see it was well past nap time. She decided to put the boys down for a quick nap so she could quickly set up the guest room. She struggled mentally with her agreement. She felt this was so rushed. Yesterday she hadn’t even known this woman and child existed. Today they were coming to stay in her house. God, this plan you have me on, why must it be so hard? I never know what to expect next. I don’t even know if I can greet this woman civilly, yet alone allow her to stay in my home. What about my husband? I can’t share him. I never thought I would be in a position if I wondered if he would sleep with me on the comfort of another woman. Why must I face this idea with that woman sleeping in my guest room? Will John be joining her tonight, and then expect me to lovingly let him back into our bed?

The wind outside blew and the branch of an oak tree tapped on the window. The noise caught Margie off guard, so she looked up and saw a heart drawn into the light layer of snow that clung to the pane. Oh, so now you are going to given me signs that you love me? Couldn’t you have loved me enough to give me a faithful husband? Or is that heart meant for Jenny? Are you trying to say that although this woman intruded upon my marriage that you love her? Or worse yet you think I should love her?! I know Lord that you tell us to love others, but how would I be able to love and befriend a woman that slept with my husband? How, Lord, am I supposed to love that baby that forever will represent that at one point in time I wasn’t enough of a woman for my husband?

The wind blew harshly and the branch beat into the guest room windows. Sounding as if the branches would break through the panes, Margie could only imagine that what she was thinking enraged the Lord. She suddenly felt humbled, knowing that her bitterness wasn’t meant for the Lord, but John. Also at this point in time she knew that being bitter was not going to help her. She quickly realized that if she was going to preserve through this, it was going to take all of the strength she had, and a lot of guidance from God.

As she chose fresh linens for the bed she struggled between using her thick warm flannel sheets and some soft thin cool linen. Ultimately she chose the flannel, thinking if she was going to stay in a stranger’s home with a young baby she would want the comfort of those warm thick sheets. Her thoughts wandered to what the other woman was like, if she was like her or if they had little in common. Margie felt unsure which she would prefer more. A woman completely different from myself would mean that John was truly bored with me. Then again someone just like me would mean that he sought my love from another woman because I had withheld it myself. Why was I ever so stupid to hold out on loving the one person I couldn’t imagine life without?!

She left the guest room to look in the kitchen for what food she had in the pantry. The boys woke as Margie was browning ground beef for dinner. She had decided chili would be a good meal to feed everyone, not to mention the gas it would give John would discourage most people from being in the same room as him. While she was striving to still be a good Christian she found the challenge of it overwhelming. As she drained the fat from the cooked beef she wondered why John had taken more than two hours to get home. Another half an hour passed before the front door opened.

The boys had gone running, but came to a quick stop. A thin, young girl stood just inside the door with an infant carrier slipping from her hands. Margie stepped out of the kitchen to assess her competition. Jenny shifted out of the doorway as John carried in two large suitcases. Margie’s focus did not shift from the girl. She was young, twenty to be exact. Standing five feet nine inches tall, she towered over Margie. She had long straight blonde hair that dangled around her waist. She was wearing a violet turtleneck that seemed to be adhered to the full, perky breast. Her jeans looked as if they had been painted on, so tight Margie strained to see if the young girl’s panty type was revealed. After determining she couldn’t see a line she guessed the girl wasn’t wearing any at all. She had on rectangle plastic glasses that framed emerald green eyes. She smiled with bright white teeth that looked perfect from a distance. Margie sighed, knowing that there was no physical competition between the two. A man would have to be dead to not choose Jenny.

Finally, silence was broken. Jenny spoke, her voice sounded like one on a pay per minute sex line, “Thank you so much for giving us a warm room. We can’t afford much more than what we have.”

“You are young with a baby. The Lord wouldn’t want you to get sick. How would you be able to provide for her?” Margie quickly responded feeling as if she squawked like a bird. “Boys, go love on your dad, while I reheat dinner.”

“Dinner sounds great. Can I go make myself something?” Jenny said as she rubbed her hands together.

“I already have enough dinner made for us all.”

Jenny spoke up, “But I’m sure John didn’t tell you I’m a vegetarian. I should really make my own food so I don’t burden you any further.”

Margie retorted mentally, too good for the food I make, but not too good for my home or husband. That girl has some nerve! She ought to sing praises that she isn’t sleeping in that snow while I take her baby in. I hope to God this doesn’t last for more than one night.

Dinner was awkward. A time normally filled with chatter was almost silent. The routine was difficult to follow. The boys could sense their parents’ stress and were excited to have a visitor. As they got ready for bed, Margie decided to catch a weather report. She had hoped to hear that the weather was clearing and this beautiful pest would be able to leave in the morning. As she tuned in the weather forecast she heard, “Currently, there are areas with 3 feet of snow. Many areas are without power with no estimation of when it will be returned. There seems to be no end in sight as we pass the highest level of snow recorded for our area of two feet eleven inches.”

Dismayed she grabbed extra blankets from the closet. She herded the older boys into their room, tucked them into bed then placed the extra blanket over them to ensure they stayed warm. Adam started to cry. She picked up his nursing blanket and headed to her favorite place to feed her sons. As she walked into the room, she saw John cooing over Ali and Jenny looking on joyously. She fought back tears again, as she felt there was no way she could compete with Jenny for her husband’s affection.

As Adam drifted off to sleep, Jenny took out the stuff to make a formula bottle for Ali. The rage was brewing within Margie since the discovery of the photo. The events of the day seemed to pour it, her heart, and faith into a blender and slosh it around at high speed. Margie had no idea what was going to come of this. Her desire to lash out at both of them was wetting her mouth. She could see the whole discussion before it happened, or at least she thought she could.

Jenny set Ali into the infant carrier with the fresh bottle and said, “I guess we should start talking.”

Margie turned. Looking at Jenny and the bottled baby, she found herself holding back tears and struggling for words again. She fought to with her emotions to say, “I just can’t talk about this right now.”

She rushed out of the room and into the sanctuary of her bedroom.  Once there she could here John and Jenny talking in the distance. She heard their laughter, but couldn’t hear the words. Bitter, she turned her head into her pillow and sobbed. As she found herself regaining control of the tears, she began to pray and anxiously listened for the voice that she had been conversing with on her morning walk.

She was angered by the silence. Finally she heard a noise, but not the one she had expected. The door to the room opened. John saw Margie’s head on the pillow, and then assumed she was asleep for the evening. He sat down on the bed near her and began rubbing her back. He had no words to comfort her, but in his heart knew that whatever she was struggling with he needed to be strong for her. He just failed to realize that he was what ailed her.

In a voice that sounded like a growl, Margie said, “Could you stop that?!”