Easter Egg Hunt Champ Suffers Loss

Former Easter Egg Hunt Champ Suffers Stunning Loss

Kris von Clausewitz Wins Title

By Jack Rawlins

Lestchester, NY---: For Leroy Avis and his mother, last year's thrill of victory turned into an agonizing defeat at this year's Mhi Gramma Easter Egg Hunt. Last year Leroy bullied and cheated his way to an easy win. Most no-it-all sports commentators predicted "another easy win for the Champ."

But this year, despite experience, intensive preparation, his mother's threats of abandonment, and a win- at- any cost attitude, he was defeated by Kris von Clausewitz.

Kris, a fourth grade military history major, used strategies advocated by his great-great-great, even greater, great grandfather, the military genius Carl von Clausewitz. Supported by a platoon of last year's sore losers, Kris broke all rules of engagement and relied on tactics that work rather than theory that doesn't to lead his troops to victory.

Kris used the element of surprise to nail Leroy's ass to the turf in the first 50 yards of the contest. The bulk of his platoon--- with a ton of esprit de corps and plenty of trash talk-- piled on Leroy as Kris and his scouts surged ahead to forage. To quickly add to their spoils they exchanged candy, cash payments or bodily harm for the egg collections of other youngsters.

Win-Win for Most

Kris got the title. His troops got revenge. Some kids picked up a little cash. And collateral damage was limited to a few cases of sugar highs and one twisted arm.

Leroy complained the other children ganged up on him, tore a hole in his collection bag, and stomped on his hand when he tried to pick up eggs. But observers say it was the constant patter of little feet on his insteps that hobbled his efforts. Given an opportunity to grab an egg or tromp a heel on Leroy's instep, the troops went for the instep.

Leroy's mother immediately filed a formal complaint for non-sportsmanlike conduct. Big mistake. All members of the Hunt Committee are also board members. An impromptu ad hoc committee delivered "a vote of no confidence," confiscated her sorority pin and told her to, "Hit the road. And be sure to take Leroy with you."