Funeral Crashers

“Dude, wake up!”

“What, what? Wassamatter?”

“Hey, Gar, got any money? There’s no food in here and I’m starved.”

“No. I don’t get paid until Friday. Isn’t the pizza still there?”

“Nah, Man, it’s green and fuzzy, but I got an idea.”

“What, Roger? Go away and leave me alone? Good idea.”

“Nah, I saw yesterday there’s gonna be a big politician’s funeral today. There’s always some kinda shindig after them big funerals. I bet if we go and act like we’re friends or something we could get some good grub.”

‘Eh. You go ahead, I’m going to sleep.”

“Dude, come on, the gig’s in an hour! It’ll be fun.”

“Fun? Are you serious? Fun? You want to crash some dead guy’s last rites and you think it’ll be fun?"

“Well, at least we’ll get food.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?”

“Nope. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

“Not really. People die all the time, Roger.”

“Yeah, but won’t it be better if it’s somebody you don’t know. Kinda like a party: food, music, people.”

“Yeah, but all the guests will be wearing black and crying. Doesn’t sound like a happening shindig, to me.”

“Nah, Man, that’s why this is so cool. The dead dude was 98. Nobody’s sad when somebody that old dies. Besides, the thing after where they have food’s at the VFW. It’s not somebody’s house or nothing. Get up and come on!”

‘Sigh’ “Okay, but if anybody says anything I’m outta there.”

“They won’t, dude.”

“Okay, we're here, now what? How old did you say this guy was?”

“98, and look at the pics. He was a pilot. Check out the babe on the front of that boat, man. Whoo-ee!”

“Be quiet! This is a funeral, remember? One we’re trying not to get our butts tossed out of. If you’re going to act like an imbecile, I’m leaving.”

“But look, there’s a different one in this picture. There’s a date on this one. Hey, this was taken just last year. ‘Senator and Mrs. Vickerson, 97th birthday party. Dude, that’s his wife! She’s hot.”

“Hello, how are you? I’m Lydia Vickerson. How did you know Richard?”

“I, uh, no, uh, my dad, uh, yeah, used to work for him. Yeah, a long time ago. He said he was a great boss. Uh, I’m Roger. He’s Gary.”

“I just came so Roger wouldn’t feel funny by himself.”

“Nice to meet you. I was very fond of Richard. Oh, they’re calling for the family. Please come to the reception after. It’s at the VFW on Tenth Street. Richard was a pilot in World War II.”

“Yeah, okay, we will. I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.”

“See, Dude? Now we’ve even got an invite.”

“Your dad? You don’t even know who your dad is, idiot.”

“Yeah, so I might not be lying. Besides, I think she digs me. I’m gonna ask for her number.”

“Quit smiling like that, it’s sickening.”

“You’re just jealous she shook my hand.”

“That, too.”


Word Count: 500