Confession

My rage splits open
the same old wound
The one that will not heal
Without knowning,
you salt it,
as if it were a meal
Pouring words and actions in
Of a you I refuse to see
For if I let it go,
my dreams will never be

What do my dreams matter though?
You only promised them in fun
but I finally felt acceptance
and held on to every one.

Dont worry about me
For years my graves been dug
I was dancing all around it
Your words were the final shove
You pushed me in and covered me up
Just like I knew you could
Then reached inside to pull me out
just like I hoped you would

I hope you know
how sorry I am for
the things I cannot be
If anyone deserves death
Im sure you think its me
I am not a Charlotte
with a Ryan crooked grin
I am this awful ugly person
that somehow became a friend

One last thing
you have to know
is why the salt stings me so
Not because of who you are
I am standing in this fog
Open your eyes and you will see
Ive been here all along

I dont think youre
doomed to burn in hell
in fact my heavens not
heaven without you
in case you couldnt tell
Im just needy for affection
and so afraid of being left
that I hold on way to tight
And ANYTHING that threatens
that unfortunately feels the bite

I love you exactly the way you are
when you are both beautiful and mean
and I want you to be happy
even if happy's not with me....