Writings of a Teenage Girl #1

I rested my head in my hands and sobbed silently to myself. My whole world seemed to be falling around my head. I was heading home on a yellow school bus at 8:30 at night, and I was completely exhausted. I had spent the entire day at Lagoon with my school.
I leaned my head against the back of the brown leather seat in front of me and closed my eyes, the flood of tears stopped for the time being. I saw myself, only a few hours earlier. Two of my guy friends were with me, Tyler and Nels. We were walking away from the famed ride, Rattlesnake Rapids. The picture of the three of us, obliviously laughing and talking, consumed me and I was forced to watch the scene repeat itself.
“Hey, I need to talk to Tyler for a bit alone, okay?” Nels said, looking into my blue eyes with his own pale green ones.
“Sure, I’ll wait right here.” I turned away and pretended to be examining the garden to my left, all the while straining to hear what they were saying. I glanced out of the corner of my eye. They hadn’t gone far, but they were far enough away that I couldn’t hear what they were talking about. I had a feeling I was soon going to find out. Nels turned around and walked over to me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“Well, umm…you see, things are pretty hectic around my house right now.” His eyes rested on the cement at our feet as we walked down the path slowly.
“What kind of things?” I asked, unsuspecting of where this was going.
“Just things; it doesn’t matter. The thing is, I understand that you really like me.”
“Yes…” I nodded my head and drew the word out a bit, still not quite comprehending.
“Well, I’m not ready for anything serious right now. Okay?” my heart stopped pounding in my chest as his green eyes penetrated me.
“Of course; I mean, we can’t even date or drive or anything yet.” I was dazed; I hardly heard his response.
“That’s exactly what I mean. Oh, and I want to spend the rest of the day with Tyler. Can I help you find another group of friends to hang out with?” Nels asked, with all the pretense of gentlemanly manners.
“No. I’ll be fine. I’ll just ride the Sky Ride and read my book. I’m okay, really. I’ll be fine.” It was like a chant in my head. I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I kept saying it to myself as I turned and walked towards the ride. Nels began to follow me.
“Then I’ll walk you there.”
“No!” I practically shouted. “No, really; I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself. Just go.” I tried to appear happy, but tears threatened to come streaming out of my eyes every minute I was in His presence. I continued on alone, leaving the one I felt had broken my heart behind.
The scene in my head jerked to a halt as the girl in the seat across the row leaned over and asked me what was wrong. My tears betrayed me in the increasing darkness as they glistened off my cheeks and dripped into my lap.
“Nothing; I’m okay.” I told her, brushing away my tears. The memory started up from where it had left off, like a movie playing in my head. I could do nothing besides helplessly watch my past self.
I hopped into the hard red seat of the ride and leaned back, so as not to be hit on the head with the bar the attendant was lowering.
“Please sit back and relax. Remember, there is no spitting or smoking. Enjoy your ride.” And then I was lifted into the air, high above the amusement park. I thought about Nels; what a great friend he had been, how cute he was, and how much he had supposedly liked me. Pictures danced through my mind. I remembered the rose he had given me two days after Valentine’s Day, the color of a beautiful orange and pink sunset. I thought of his gentle sea-green eyes and what his laugh sounded like.
I couldn’t hold the tears in any longer. I cried, and when looked down at the ground, there He was. Just beyond my dangling feet he was standing in line for a ride, chatting away with Tyler as if nothing had happened. I felt the ride begin to slope downward, and could see the end slowly come into view.
I jerked myself back into reality before the tears could come again. I studied the patterns that the rain was making on the window. Sitting up straighter, I looked toward the front of the bus where He was sitting. He was slumped down in his seat, so I could not see him. Looking over at the friend in the seat besides me, I saw that she was awake.
“Heather? Does it look like I’ve been crying?” I asked. Heather sat up and looked at me.
“I can’t tell; it’s too dark in here. Is something wrong?” For some stupid reason, I began to cry again. I explained everything as best I could to her in my emotional state, and when I was done she just held me.
“I didn’t think a crush would hurt this bad. I guess that’s why they call it a ‘crush’.” I said, still sniffling a little bit.
“It’s okay.” Heather said, rocking me gently. I cried some more, then I looked at her.
“I would melt without you; you’re amazing to me.” We hugged, and for in that moment I knew everything was going to be okay.



~This really happened to me; it took place on April 23, 2005~