Chapter 3: Happy Birthday

Commander does not look in the pot. He already knows it is empty. His gaze passes over my figure. I drop my head and sigh. I hear the tent fabric rustle. I look up thinking he has left. He is looking at me and his eyes burn with hatred. He steps through the doorway and drops the cover.

"But, sir! She seduced us, sir. You have to understand and listen,'' Chef insists. I see Commander step toward him. Commander crosses his arms and leans back, seemingly relaxed. It is silent.

"And? I'm listening," Commander speaks. His voice is thick with disgust. Chef throws his arms up and the other men step back. I see the shadowy the brawl and hear the shrill cries of the inflicted.

The shadowy figures of Commander and Chef muddle together. Commander wrestles Chef's massive fatty body to the ground. Chef flails his arms and his legs trying to roll away. Commander positions his arm above his hand and strikes Chef in the neck like a snake. He violently coughs and the other two men rush to each side of Commander. They pull on his arms. He effortlessly throws them back with his bulking arms. Commander loses his straddle position and Chef rolls away. Commander rushes the other two men and they both fall backwards in shock. He alternates kicking the lumpy shadows on the group until one stops moving and the other takes the fetal position. "Mercy! Mercy, Lord. Please spare me! It will never happen again!" Chef cries. Commander slowly turns to face him.

Commander resumes his relaxed position. "It's time to move on Chef, or we should be late. You may inform the men that lunch will not be served. Compliments of yourself, of course."

Commander takes a step towards the tent entrance. I feel a warm sensation of hope and my heart anxiously throbs in my chest. He reaches toward the entrance: he hesitates. He turns the opposite direction, and walks away. A feeling I cannot quite describe falls over me. Despair? My eyes target his shadow. He stoops and grabs something on the ground. Once again I become hopeful as he appraoches the entrance.

The cover is pulled back and a surge of tingling energy rushes through me. "Kiarra, come with me. You're worthless now." Suddenly I am grounded. As he leads me to his tent I recieve dangerous glares from all the men around camp. Commander closes his tent to the public and strikes me. I become the lowly dirt I fall upon and dare not move. He presses his fingers roughly into my back and painfully massages me. I burn beneath his fingertips but do not wish for him to think me ungrateful of his efforts.

We pack up and continue traveling. Night falls and I bed with Commander. He forces himself on me. Twenty minutes later he is sleeping. I fall into sleep aswell.

My sister Shelby died before we moved to the village. Being only a few months old after Mom had died of the heat stroke and Father didn't return home from hunting, malnutrition overcame her. I wept over a cold, dead, lifeless doll come the morning. I failed as a parent and it cost a life. My youngest brother came to me after sunrise but felt no pain. He was young and unable to make the connection. He didn't understand what it meant to die.

Macy, the eldest sister under me, made the connection all too well. The weight of emotion broke her spirit. She died long before her body did. She presented to me one last hint of her creativity. She killed herself with a heated fire poker. She made not a sound. After the poker melted through the skin on her neck it melted through her vocal cords. My two brothers and I had slept quite soundly through the suicide.

We always had a dry climate living so close to the desert. Sandstorms challenged us. They devoured the land like snow with gusts of wind we had never seen before. The garden we survived off of withered and died after sand filled the water hole. The village suffered, we all suffered, and the bandits began picking off the ones who strayed from the village in search of food. My eldest brother was included in these losses.

I awake with a jolt. Cold sweat drenches my body. I struggle to pace my breathing. Nightmares of my family and how they died cause my burning hatred for the bandits to grow increasingly stronger.

I am tired and weak in the morning. Commander ties a rope to one of my ankles. After I am seated on the horse he pulls the rope under its belly and ties it to my other ankle. He insists I ride it.

All of the days we travel seem to blur together. I wake up, eat, ride, eat agian, bed with Commander come night.

It has been at least four or five days. Commander looks at me and denies himself his right to sex. He holds me and I close my eyes slowly, knowing what lies in my sleep. I fall exhausted and unwilling into darkness.

My remaining family and I were travelling back to the village Inn where we slept after Shelby died. I didn't know who started the fire. It lit the town in a blaze of fury. Houses, once full of memories and love, were replaced with piles of smoldering ash. Shrieks from the attacks set the mood for devastation. I grabbed my little sister and my little brother and pressed their little faces into my legs. I watched the horses trample the medicine woman and the child she had been caring for. I watched from afar as burning houses indiscriminately collapsed on men, women, and children. Most of the villagers were able to flee. I saw them darting across the desert like beetles.

The chaos of it all shocked and paralyzed me. My sister's shrieking cries brought me back to reality and I quickly slapped my hand over her mouth. I carried her off through the field of sand with my little brother trailing close behind. Five minutes of running with Carley wore me out. I set her down to breathe and she cried. She absolutely refused to budge an inch on her own. I looked at my brother intently and pointed towards the shack that was our house. It was the furthest house from the village and I knew of nowhere else to go. He tugged her arm and she followed him, sobbing miserably. I returned to the village to see if there were any survivors. The attackers stalked the streets, cutting down anything that moved. There was no way... there was just no way I could get inside.

A puff of heated air blew my hair back and I covered my face. A woman crawled up the hill toward me. She crawled in such pain and a closer look revealed a horror I'd wish no human to see. Over half of her body was burned and oozing clear fluids. Her muscle, deeply burned in some areas, showed through her lacking skin. She raised her hand out to me and mouthed "save me, give me water". I knew she wasn't going to live and I looked down at her in horror.

I felt the human emotion draining out of me. I touched her forehead and her skin stuck to my fingers as I pulled back. She stared up at me for some time before I turned and looked around for some... rock. I picked up the rock and walked back to the woman. She was unrecognizable. I forced a smile for her and lifted the rock over my head.

I left the corpse and made my way back to family. I ran hard and fast. The adrenaline rush aided my speed and I soared. There was a blaze in the sky and smoke rising from our house.

I grabbed my brother and ran out of our burning house. The attackers had made their final blow and left. I sat with him on the sandy, cruel hillside and covered his eyes. I hummed to him. "Carley," he delicately said to me. "Carley, she is inside. Carley?! Carley!! She's still inside sister! Carley!" I approach the burning house and peer inside. I could not save her. A pile of burning wood held her down and out of my reach. I returned to my brother and held him tight. The piercing screams of our five year old sibling died down as the final fire devoured everything.

Once again I awaken with a jolt and desperate gasps for air. Commander presses me back to the bed with his firm hand. The nightmare slowly wanes from my mind and I am in present time again. I think to myself If I could talk I could tell Commander how frightened I really was. I could tell him how I did struggle against Chef. I could tell him so many things. I could have had a sanctuary but my lack of... oh God, somebody please just kill me.

Commander strokes my hair and soothes me. He sits up and hands me the cantene he always carries with him. I lift it to my lips and taste bitter alcohol. I don't want to drink it but Commander holds the cantene hard to my lips forcing me to drink most of it. I feel myself drifting into a dreamless sleep. He whispers to my fading conscious, "Tomorrow we arive in the city. This will be the last night you sleep amongst us. Soon you will be in the hands of my boss and brother, though you will call him your king. Sleep. I can see you are no longer a hearltess shell, but a womanish emotion wears you down. This I can tell, so sleep tonight."

I gratefully lay beside him, watching the beams of silver moonlight shine through the holes in the tent. Hmm hmmm hmm. I hum to myself in a drunken state of relaxation. Good night Commander. I roll over and sluggishly lean my head back to look at the moon. Commander pulls my head to the groove in his shoulder and I find I fit perfectly against his body. Today is... Happy birthday Kiarra , I tell myself.