Where to turn

A young teenage girl named Tiffany got kicked out of her house at the age of 14.  She spends most of her time going back and forth between her aunts and friends houses, desperately seeking someplace to call home.  At the age of 18 she becomes pregnant.  And of course this stems from a one night stand, so the father of the baby could care less.  Tiffany knows that she should have been more careful. But what can she do about it now, accept the fact and move on right? 

She finds that most nights, she is sleeping in the back seat of her car on a back road in her small town so that she won't be bothered by policeman or anyone else wondering what she is doing or if she is ok.  She gets to stay at an aunts house and a friends house occasionally.  But for the most part, it is staying in the car with her belongings in the trunk, getting up the next morning and going to work.  Then trying to see if she can borrow someones shower long enough for her to get clean and back to the same old bump and grind.

She has been on the waitlist for housing assistance for some time now.  And hasn't been able to find something she can afford on her own with no assistance.  With the due date of her pregnancy approaching, her aunt invites her to come and stay with her.  She graciously accepts.  She sleeps on the couch in her aunts small 3 bedroom trailer home.  Her aunt lets her know that her family is going to be throwing her a baby shower next week.  She is very excited about that.  But she is also getting very nervous about the whole situation.  She knows that how she is living is no way to bring a baby into the world. 

One day she rode with her aunt out of state to get some feed for her grandfather.  On the way there they went over some railroad tracks.  They are driving an old farm truck, so the truck bounces severely as they hit the tracks.  This causes Tiffany to grab ahold of her stomach.  She feels like she just got her stomach ripped off of her. 

Later that night, her water broke.  Her aunt took her to the hospital where they told her she had just urinated on herself and to go home and take a warm bath and she would feel better.  Tiffany and her aunt arrive home and run her some bath water.  She sits down in the tub and feels the worst pain she had ever felt in her life.  She screams at her aunt to help her get out of the tub.  Her aunt gets her dressed and says we are going back to the hospital. 

Well, 4 hours later, a beautiful baby girl is born.  She has black hair and blue eyes.  She weighs 7lbs 5oz and is 20 1/2in long.  It's amazing how much love you can have for someone that you just met, right?  The doctor says that Tiffany and baby will need to stay in the hospital for 2 days before he will release them to go home.  Well, Tiffany's baby shower is suppose to be tomorrow.  So she begs the doctor to let them go home tomorrow instead of in 2 days.  With hesitation, he agrees and releases them to go home. 

They drive directly from the hospital to Tiffany's great-grandmother's house where they are having her baby shower.  As soon as she steps foot in the door way, one of her great aunts tells her that she wants to see that beautiful baby girl and asks jokingly if she can adopt her.  Tiffany is thinking to herself, I just came home from spending 7hrs in labor and you think that is funny!!??!!  She just ignores her great aunt and goes on with her baby shower. 

Days go by and she is finally called to get some assistance with her housing. This is a long process, she has to go to some meetings and then find a home that they can live in.  She stays with her aunt for the time being.  Things seem to be looking up for the two of them!  But what she doesn't know is that her great aunt keeps calling everyday wanting to watch the baby.  She finds out and finally agrees that she can watch her while she goes to work one day.  She comes home to find her baby at home with her aunt.  She runs to the grocery store to get some things for supper.  When she returns, her baby is gone!  Her great aunt had went to the casino for a while, and returned to pick up the baby.  When Tiffany asks why, she is told because she wanted to watch her so she could go out and have some fun.  She had been cooped up in the house for a while and hadn't really done anything other than go to work everyday.  So she thinks to herself, while I wish she would have ASKED me if it was ok for her to pick up the baby, maybe I do need a night out with some friends. So she goes over to her girlfriends house and they sit around and watch movies all night. 

The process of her great aunt coming and going with the baby becomes more habitual than necessary.  But for some reason, Tiffany doesn't say anything for a few days.  Then when she finally gets the courage up to say something, her great aunt asks if they would just come and stay with her and her family.  That there was no need for them to be in a "subsidized housing".  And that way, she could help with the baby.  Tiffany feels like she hit the jack pot.  You see, this particular  great aunts family was always considered to be in the "popular" crowd if you know what I mean.  And remember, we are talking about an 18yr old girl who has been staying in her car for how long now?  She couldn't believe that they would accept them into thier home with open arms! 

Months go by and Tiffany is working more and more to try to pay for everything.  Babies are really expensive!  But she finds that the more she works, the less she gets to see her baby.  Even when she comes home, the baby is off with the great aunt doing something or other.  And she comes home one day to find the babies cradle has been moved into her great aunts bedroom!!  She didn't understand why.  She tried calling her great aunt, and never could seem to get ahold of her.  The night was drawing in and she needed to go to work the next morning at 5:30, so she decided to go to bed.  She would wait to talk to her aunt later tomorrow. 

She comes home the next day from work to find her great uncle working in the garden.  She sits outside to smoke a cigarrette.  And her great uncle comes over to talk to her.  But she can't even begin to be ready for what he is about to say to her.  He tells her that she needs to really think about her life.  And the life of her baby girl.  That she needs to understand that when she gets married and has other children, this baby girl will not feel like she is a part of her family because she is not from "that family".  That she needs to really think about the fact that they, her great aunt and ucle, can give her all the love and happiness that she would never be able to give her.  And that she needs to just let them adopt this baby girl.  Tiffany sits in total silence.  She has no idea what to say.  She is thinking to herself, is he right?  Will this baby be better off without me?

Months go by and Tiffany is told these words, along with many others, every day.  She feels like she could not possibly be the right parent for this baby.  She feels like a failure!  She finally agrees to let her great aunt and uncle adopt the baby girl.  They all sit and make an agreement that the baby will always know that Tiffany is her mother.  And she will be allowed to spend as much time as she wishes with the child throughout her life.  Because the great aunt and uncle would never dream of taking her baby away and not letting her see her.  They just want to "help" with raising the child.  They have papers drawn up for the adoption process.  Tiffany goes before a judge and signs the paperwork stating that she is relinquishing her rights to her child to the said parties, her great aunt and uncle, while crying profusely and wondering if what she is doing is REALLY the right thing.

She comes home to find her belongings sitting in the front yard of her great aunt and uncles home.  They are telling her she needs to leave the house!  She needs to go on with her life as though she had never had a child at all!!  She is devastated.  She goes to her grandmother's home, who knew nothing of what was happening.  Upon finding out about the cituation at hand, the grandmother tells Tiffany to leave her house and she never wants to talk to her again!  She could not believe that she would just GIVE someone her child and be so naive!

She contacts a lawyer the next day to find out what she can do.  The lawyer lets her know that they can and will get her baby back.  After all, there are numerous other cases in the history of the courts where the biological parent gets custody back, right?  Yes, there are cases of this nature.  But that doesn't seem to be Tiffany's case.  The judge, being adopted by his grandmother himself, waived the 6 month standard waiting period for adoptions being that it was done with family.  Thinking what could possibly go wrong right, it's family!  So he tells all the parties involved to "work it out on their own!!" 

Here it is 12 yrs later, and Tiffany has only seen her child once or twice at the local grocery store or someplace where they both just "happened to be" at the same time.  Her great aunt even told her when the baby was still young that if she did not leave them alone, she would get a restraining order against her!  Her daughter knows that she is her daughter.  But she really doesn't want anything to do with her.  She is afraid that she will hurt the great aunt and uncle that has raise her since she was a baby. 

Meanwhile, Tiffany has been in and out of therapy and counseling since this all happened 12 yrs ago.  And she still has the longing to be with  her child.  It is so strong that some days, she literally feels like she is going crazy.  She doesn't know what to do.  It was one thing to not be able to see her daughter because they wouldn't let her.  Now she has to learn to live with the fact that it's her daughter that doesn't want to see her!!