Jokes Of mine

Some stupid jokes me and my friend came up with...

Person: Doctor, Doctor, I'm a blood-sucking monster and I

keep needing to eat Doctors!!!

Doctor: Oh, what a shame. I'm a dentist.

Another one...

Person: Doctor, Doctor , what did the x-ray of my head show?

Doctor: Absolutely nothing


My friend helped me make this one at Wal-Mart......



HORSEBACK RIDING LESSONS

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though
she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane,
but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck,
but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious
to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from
the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the
stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the
ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when:

The Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.



This one i helped my friend make......


A blonde who had been unemployed for several months
got a job with Public Works.

She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.

The supervisor told her that she was on probation
and that she must stay at or above the set average
of two miles per day to remain employed.

The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day,
found that the blonde had completed four miles on her first day,
double the average!

"Great," he told her,
"I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find
that the blonde only accomplished two miles.

The supervisor thought:
"Well she's still at the average
and I don't want to discourage her,
so I'll just keep quiet."

The third day however the blonde only did one mile
and the boss thought:
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."

The boss pulled the new employee in and said:
"You were doing so great.
The first day you did four miles, the second day two miles,
but yesterday you only did one mile. Why?
Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure?
What's keeping you from meeting the two-mile minimum?"

The blonde replied:
"Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther
away from the bucket."



One of my best Blond jokes...


Two blondes were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches,
they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager:
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said:

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."


Me and at least 10 of my friends came up with this one......

16 THINGS YOU DON'T SAY TO A COP

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
Good job!!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition
to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's
nightstand.

I pay your salary!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no othercar
around, that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean" Have I been drinking?"
You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off
my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal,
forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared this .44 magnum.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

funny titles i found over the



(Warning: hill billies,farmers and ranchers, don't read.)
Made by my friend Ray, A.K.A (Fly)


A city boy was visiting the country
and wanted to go hunting.

The farmer lent the boy his gun,
telling him not to kill any farm animals.

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat.

He managed to creep into range and finally shot it.

Not knowing anything about animals,
the boy didn't know what he'd killed
so he ran to the farmhouse
and described his kill to the farmer.

"It had a hairy armpits,a beard,
a hard head and it stunk like a dead racoon!"
the boy said.

"Oh, crap!" said the farmer.
"You've shot my wife!"



thanks for reading!