Me and My friends in pennsylvania

ne of my first jokes, inspired by a math problem.....



Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets
too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg,
puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day,
he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly
the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head,
puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.
"The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."


Written by me and inspired by a friend who HATES lawyers.....


Four surgeons were sitting around discussing what they
like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.
The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers".
The other three surgeons looked at each other
indisbelief. One of them asked why
The fourth surgeon replied, "Because theyare heartless, gutless, spineless, and their butt and head are interchangeable".


wriiten by me and a friend.....

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.
The doctor runs some tests and says to the man,
''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically,
but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?''
And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond,
he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom,
he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.
He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God.
He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom,
God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again
when he leaves. Is this true?''
And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in
the refrigerator again!''



Me and my friends in pennsylvania wrote this,(Me,Megan,Matt And Eric).....



1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
ENJOY!!!!



Written by my friend and i and how we hate George Bush :)


1. My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you all this time. These two beautiful twin daughters I have? They're clones. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
2. My fellow Americans, I have to admit to something. I accidentaly pushed the wrong button on my trip to the SAC base. Me being my red-necked self, I pushed the red button that sent off the missles to Russia. Say your prayers.
3. My fellow Americans, I have to ask one thing. What's a law?
4. My fellow Americans, we sadly admit that Mr. Cheney is no longer with us. After another heart attack, he has been forced to retire. I shall have to retire too, because without him I'm a lost cause.
5. Another thing to admit. Mr. Bush Sr., my father, is really my brother.
6. And my wife is really my mother.
7. My fellow Americans, I am a clone!!!!
8. My fellow Americans, I have to tell you all something that happened back in November. I rigged the votes. It's been on my small hillbilly mind all this time. Gore really won, but don't tell him (the loser). Oh, did I say that out loud?

9. My fellow Americans, as we speak an asteroid is heading toward Earth. You are all going to die. The key word is you. You. I have a one way ticket to the U.S. space station, where I'll watch and see you all get blown away by the rock, and I'll laugh evilly from my little room up in space, safe. Unlike you suckers! Ha!
10. I would just like to tell the young Americans that you can just say no to drugs. Just say no. Drugs are bad. Drugs are very bad. That is all. Of course, if I could tell them my side of the story, I would tell them that drugs are very refreshing. I was an addict when I was younger, and it attracts the ladies. I'm not just talking ladies either. I was popular after I smoked. I was cool. It was the one time in my life when I felt accepte .... oh... what? We're still on the air? Oh? Is that what that red glowing light means? Uh... WE ARE NOW EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES


Enjoy these Awesome story's me and my friends made!