Why Didn't He Tell Me?

WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME?

"Hey babe, I wanna have sex."

I feel a splash of liquid hit my neck as Damon bumps into my back. His words get lost in the pounding beat of the music.

I turn to him. "What?"

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX."

A few eyes and smirks come our way. I proceed to usher him to the exit, slightly embarrassed.

We end up at my place as usual. Damon rushes to get out of his clothes as I stand debating the best thing to do. Then he starts on me.  Kissing my mouth, neck, shoulder, and cleavage.

"Do you even have a condom?" I ask.  Either he didn’t hear me or didn’t care but I knew about my appointment at the clinic tomorrow.  He pushes me gently to the bed and comes over me.

"Damon," I say, "we need a condom."

"C’mon babe! This once won’t hurt and the damn things break anyway." He nibbles on my ear. "You know I’m too big for ‘em," he snickers.

I’m sure it will be alright I say to myself as he enters me. Hmmm, he feels so good. It’s always good with Damon.  "Oh, God Damon," I hear myself utter and it is over. He is on his back fast asleep and I am on my way there too.

In the morning I am alone. It’s 9. I need to get showered and to the clinic. I feel very positive about this. Damon and I always use condoms.

I arrive at 10:30 and am called into the office at 11:15.

"I have some bad news," says the doctor. "You tested positive."

Silence.  I have no words.

I’m in the bus on my way home. What will I say to Damon? What will he say; especially after last night?  Surely he will be okay, I pray. God let him be okay.  I don’t hear from Damon the whole week and finally get up the nerve to call him Friday afternoon.  "We need to talk," I say.

"Sure. C’mon over babe. Been missin you anyway."

I arrive and go to turn on the light switch.  Nothing.  "Didn’t pay the bill, babe."

We head to the sofa and I am a little grateful for the dimness.  "So, what’s up?" he says, caressing my thigh.  "This is serious Damon."  I turn my face from his. "I’ve been to the clinic. Just for my usual check up."  I look at him and he says nothing. His face is a blank.  "Damon.  I tested positive for HIV!"

"Really," he says as if it’s no problem.

"Yes," I screech, "and we had sex without a condom that last time," voice lowering.  "You need to get tested. I’m so sorry, Damon. I had no idea. And so many condoms broke."

"Well," he says, "s**t happens babe. What can you do about it?"

"What do you mean s**t happens? This is AIDS we’re talking about."

"I know babe."

"You have to be tested."

"It doesn’t matter!  I’m already positive!  Hell, I thought you knew.  Everyone knows."

Silence.  Not me, I think.  I didn't know.

"Let’s go to my room.  And f**k condoms. It’s so much better without them."  I just sit there.  He stands me up and ushers me toward his room. "You use birth control right?"  he asks as an after thought.  I jerk my arm from his grip and head towards the door.  "It’s just we wouldn’t want to bring a baby into this. Would we?"

I slam the door on his last words. I slide against the door and down to the floor, tears streaming down my face. He’s right. A baby would only make things worse. But why didn’t he tell me he was positive?  Why did he assume I knew?