My Hero

                                                                              My Hero
   

Chapter1: Right Back Where I Started From        Melody’s P.O.V.

               With my hood drawn, I walked down the streets of my urban hometown. I regretted having to come back, but I had to. As I walked, someone caught my eye in the window of a well-known café. I didn’t want to say hi, yet I ended up watching him from the outside. “Joel’s so much older now…I better leave before he notices,” I left swiftly, though I didn’t escape his eyes. The rain supplied a sad song to my stroll. This place was no longer a source of fond memories. I had departed after a nasty break up. “Joel…” I thought as he walked up beside me. He was the unknown guy in the window. We didn’t speak for a moment. Just looking ahead of ourselves, almost like we didn’t know each other. “I thought I’d never see you again,” Joel commented, his eyes settled on me in a timid sense. I refused to look at him, “I expected the same.” Joel felt my resent and gazed elsewhere, “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Not to see me.” He added, “You know, just because my brother did that—.” I stopped him before he proposed a possible friendship, “Sure it does Joel. Listen, I don’t want to be reminded any further.” Things got silent again. This went on for a couple blocks until I noticed something, “Isn’t this around where you live?” Then Joel answered, “Uh, yeah but I don’t have to leave.” “I do,” I mentioned coldly. Joel stopped in his tracks and said, “If you want me gone…I’ll just go.” I nearly took back what I said when…he just left, turning the next corner without me. I tried ‘not to care less’. That whole feeling was new to me though, Joel used to be my friend. Like a brother even.

         “Mother will be so happy to see me,” I fantasized about our meeting after checking out of the hotel, “I’ve been gone so long. It’s going on the third year.” I left home at eighteen in a huff and since then, nothing has felt right. I stepped up to the entrance of my old house and realized a sign on my door. “For sale?! Mom, moved?!” I panicked, “When? How? And most importantly, where?” My hands covered my face while I sat on the steps, “This is awful…I don’t have enough money to spend another night at a hotel. I could stay with a friend but who do I know?” The only people I knew there was Joel and his older brother, Leo…my ex-boyfriend. I walked the long trip to their apartment building. I waited for someone else to walk through the self-locking doors so I could get in. The shabby building still needed work but it had a low rent. The sight of their door was enough to make me aggravated. Despite my livid mood, I knocked on the door. After a moment of silence I started walking away, “What was I thinking…” “Mel…?” Joel had finally answered, “Why are you here?” I turned to him with a rather intense stare, “Where is he?” “Who?” he asked. I answered like a secret agent, “You know…Leo.” He smirked, leaning on the door panel, “Heh, we don’t live together anymore… Um, Melody? You wanna come in, now?” I reluctantly went inside.

The apartment seemed the same, except a little empty, “Where did all the stuff go?” I sounded disappointed. “Oh, Leo left and took everything.” Joel responded, “I’m gonna miss that big tv.” I mean what can I expect though, it was a studio apartment. One big room with a small kitchen and a bathroom on the side. Leo had two let out couches but the room wasn’t big enough to let out both of them. So Leo got the bed and Joel got the couch. Joel sat down on one and I sat across from him on the other. “So…?” he led after a moment. “Oh, yeah…right, I don’t have a place to stay. Mom moved without telling me.” I explained, “Do you think I could stay here for a day or two?” Thinking about earlier, he wondered if he should say yes so easily but he realized that couldn’t overcome the years of friendship. I got nervous because it was taking him too long to answer, “You don’t have to, Joel. It’s okay.” “No, it’s fine…I guess.” He agreed. “How’s everything?” Joel inquired, “You didn’t keep it, did you?” I shook my head ‘no’, “I sort of feel bad about it but it’s over already.” “Oh…” he searched for another question, “Where did you go for almost three years?” I headed straight for California after Leo and I broke up, “…the only reason I came was because I was tired of being alone. I think I left before I was ready to be on my own.” Joel didn’t find out that I was gone until my mother told him the day after I left. “Don’t be mad when I tell you,” he mentioned, “He’s still with Melissa.” I couldn’t believe my own sister, I could now say that I hated her, “What?! They’re still—even after—?” “Yep, I couldn’t believe it either.” He confessed. My sister was a sleazy, backstabbing, man-eater that did whatever she had to do to get a rich guy. I remember when I thought she was cool because she always had what she wanted. Now I wish I never had her as a sister. Leo wasn’t anywhere near rich but he was hot and he was mine. Melissa was drop dead gorgeous, perfect for deceiving men. “I wish my brother wasn’t…like that.” Joel said in a sigh, “Do you still have feelings for him? I mean, you look pretty mad.” Steam could have been coming out my ears by that time, “No, it’s just—it should be someone else. Yeah, that’s it…okay, there maybe a hint of feeling. *Sigh* you’d think I’d be over this by now.” “Hey,” Joel chimed in, “It’s cool, considering what happen and all. You were in love with the guy.” Joel was definitely different from his brother. Leo had a bold, out going personality while Joel was more down to earth. Then I suddenly sensed the waterworks coming on, “We can talk about something else now.” That was an order, not a question. He was annoyed of how I totally cut him off but Joel’s fuse wasn’t short. “I can’t be mad at her,” he thought, “This must be the hardest place for her to be at.” True that, Leo’s apartment is where it all went down. “You have anything to eat?” I wondered gazing at the fridge. Joel always closed one eye when he was thinking hard, “I have to go grocery shopping but I do have some waffles and milk.” I didn’t mind having to eat that so I went to the kitchen. Then Joel mentioned, “I’ll make it, my toaster is really weird.” I watched him as he messed with the toaster and remembered why I was supposed to be friends with him. “I can recall when he was fifteen, didn’t really have a place among his brother’s friends. I took a liking to him almost immediately…so why should that end now?” Joel was still fiddling with the toaster when I went to hug him. “Not that I mind but, why are you hugging me?” Joel asked me. “I’m sorry, Joel, okay?” I apologized, “I was being mean before and I didn’t get to say that I missed you so…I missed you.” He smiled, responding, “I know and I’ve already forgiven you.” “Thanks.” I replied. I gave him one more squeeze before I let go.

Later on, we decided to pick who was going to sleep where. “You can have the bed if you want.” Joel offered but I refused. “Not ‘that’ bed.” “Why?” he asked and then took it back, “Wait, don’t answer that.” I stayed on the couch while Joel laid on the bed. He turned off the lights but the tv illuminated our faces. We laughed at his small tv set, I had put it on channel seven to see the midnight talk shows. Joel started to doze off when he suggested that we’d go to bed. He shut off the tv and got all quiet, I couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not. Then he whispered something unexpectedly, “Why would Leo be unsure? Melody was so…perfect.” “You’re awake?” I asked getting out of a light sleep, I heard what he said and yet, I didn’t. Acting like he was asleep, he didn’t answer me. It sounded like he was simply thinking out loud. After a moment of silence, I started to fall asleep with my memories in mind.

My jaded story started one sunny summer day when Joel and I were walking back to my house. We used to hang out almost as much as Leo and me did. Which was a lot. I had just found out that I was pregnant and was about to tell Joel. “Whoa…whoa…” he stammered after I told him, “Does Leo know?” “No, not yet. I was thinking of telling him tonight.” I replied, “Don’t say anything to him about it. He’d be mad if you knew first.” I was eighteen, Joel was seventeen, and Leo was nineteen. It’s funny how I found myself in love with him, we met around the same time I met Joel. Leo and I had a magical chemistry, a spell that seemed unbreakable. But, in the end it was a magic trick. Joel warned me about his tendencies but even he started to believe after two years. Leo became my life. In fact, I thought being pregnant wasn’t so bad as long as it was his child. Melissa had a grudge against me ever since the relationship yet, then she began to perk up. Almost mocking me in way when I think about it.

I kept my hopes high through out the day, wondering how he would react to the news. I waited until nighttime (around ten o’clock) to go over his house. Joel was at a party so Leo and I would be alone. Gulping before I touched the doorknob, I opened the already unlocked door. What I saw would haunt me forever. Leo and Melissa were standing just beyond the couch; I had caught them in the midst of a kiss. My eyes narrowed when they noticed me. “My own sister…” I whispered trying not to cry and even smirking. Leo looked surprise and red handed while Melissa appeared unmoved. Not one of us spoke up. Joel had come back early from the party and saw the stand off in person. At first he didn’t know what was going on but then he figured it out. “You were just so jealous…” I started say with tears streaming down my face, “I was happy for once and you couldn’t take it Melissa.” Melissa cracked an evil smile, “How could I be jealous, Mel? When I could have him so easily?” Something broke in me at that moment, “You whore!!!!!!!” I wanted to hit her so badly but before we could make contact Joel grabbed me and Leo caught Melissa. We yelled at each other with hatred until Joel pulled me out the apartment. In hopes to escape I took hold of the doorknob, instead I ended up closing the door.

Joel’s arms were around my stomach. He was holding me from behind, breathing as hard as I was. Gently, he whispered in my ear, “Melody, it’s going to be all right. Just calm down…” I paused, and started sobbing realizing for a second time what had happened. Embracing me more lovingly now, he repeated how things were going to be okay. I turned around to face him, and kept crying on his shoulder. I said to him, “You’re the only one that really cares, Joel.” “Melody…” he sounded like he wanted to tell me something. I looked up at him but he didn’t say anything. Joel merely stared at me like he didn’t know if he should say it. “What is it?” I asked, “Even though…this is going on.” “Um…” stalling, Joel replied. Leo and Melissa were arguing because he wanted her to leave. “Fine!” she shouted as she left out the door. Melissa stopped when she saw us. She looked at Joel and said, “I knew it.” Joel winced at her and remarked scornfully, “Don’t tramps stay outside?” “Whatever, Joel.” My sister commented and finally left. Leo came afterwards, “Melody…I’m so…” “Don’t say it…I don’t want to speak to you right now,” I cut into his words, “I loved you and…forget it…” Suddenly, I broke away from Joel and walked off slowly. I took another exit so I wouldn’t see Melissa, pausing in middle of that to cry.

“Aren’t you going to chase after her?!” Joel exclaimed to his brother. “I’d…just make it worse.” Leo explained; you could hear the guilt in his voice. Then Joel thought for a moment and said, “I’ll go…she can’t be far.” He came down the same exit as me, hoping he could find me. Along the way he heard the sound of me weeping. Joel always felt this guilt or hurt when I cried, it was same this time. Joel found me sitting on the stairs with my head down on my knees. I hadn’t noticed that he was around yet. “Hey, Melody…it’s Joel.” He rubbed my arms, “I want to walk you home.” Joel was way better at that gentle, romantic voice than Leo. I stood up shakily, while wiping my tears, “I don’t have to be walked home.” Joel pleaded, “Please don’t do this to me, Melody. I couldn’t possibly let you go this late by yourself…crying…alone.” I gave a faint smile, “I guess…you could.” Something stole his smile though, “I’m sorry about my brother. For some reason, I feel like it’s my fault because…I didn’t want you to be hurt.” “Don’t be sorry, Joel. You’re my best friend, I love you. You didn’t do anything.” I replied. His face got red at the word love, “Heh, you love me…I feel fine now.” I knew he knew what I meant.

As we strolled on the sidewalks Joel realized how drained I was. My eyes were red and dim, and I dragged my feet with each step. He wanted to ask if I was okay but that was a dumb question. Even though it was a warm summer night it felt like a rainy day in my mind. It was an uncontrollable action to sigh every couple minutes. My glum expression brought tears that ran down the same path; like a river upon my cheeks. Joel was also a little distraught and maybe mad at his brother. “What was Melissa talking about earlier?” I asked, “She said ‘I knew it’ or whatever. Are you hiding something?” Everything I said sounded shaky and unsure. Joel replied confidently, “Melody, what secret haven’t I told you? To tell the truth I don’t know what she was talking about.” I could always believe Joel so I didn’t think suspiciously. Joel then shyly held my hand and said, “A flower shop is down there you want to go?” Unsure of his intentions yet trusting them, I let Joel pull me across the street.

I stood by the shop’s door while Joel explored the different flowers. The desire to speak left me, so I didn’t ask why we were there. Joel turned to me with a forced smile, “What flowers do you want? They got roses, sunflowers, daisies, daffodils—whatever you want.” This was Joel’s attempt to cheer me up. I stared at him like I was mute, “…” Discouraged, he gazed around the room for something else, “Ah, I know! I’ll get you some tulips and buttercups, they have happy colors.” He emphasized the happy with a commercial-like grin. That almost made me laugh. A few minutes later, he handed me the flowers with a box of Dove chocolates. The owner was trying to push us out since it was so late. “You want to talk?” Joel asked once we got outside. “I just…want…to stop.” We decided to sit on a curb, facing a busy intersection. “Thanks Joel, this is nice.” I said to him quietly. “You’re welcome, it’s possibly the least I can do… I mean…how could he do that to you?! I can’t stand it!” he was getting a little worked up now. I didn’t want to fuel his anger therefore my response was slow. “I can’t believe I let him touch me. Now what am I supposed to do?” I grieved hopelessly, “I look in the past now, trying to explain to myself how this happened.” Joel peered wisely into the distance, that is the world and replied, “It starts with love…well not ‘love’ exactly but infatuation. We try to tell the difference, failing nevertheless, so we take the dive. All I know is that you don’t know which it is until the end.” “You sound jaded.” I mentioned, “Are you sure there’s nothing to tell?” “Yeah,” he remarked with a smirk. Joel was still staring into the distance, “Maybe you guys can still be together.” He almost sounded sad saying that. “I don’t know…I still feel for him but he might not be the one.” I thought this to myself, “Melissa…Leo…pregnancy, I need to figure everything out.” I got up, “Let’s go.”

We weren’t that far from my house so the trip ended quickly. Joel and I were standing by my steps…just standing. I looked at him with my eyes wide, thoughts rushing to my mind of how hard it was going to be and how devastated I was. “What am I going to do?” I whimpered, “My life is over and everyone’s turning against me, I can’t take care of a child!” I wasn’t crying, though I still put my hands over my eyes. Joel pulled me close to him in my distress. With the utmost seriousness he argued, “Don’t ever say that, you know that I’m still here for you. I care, I won’t leave and I wish I could…show you that.” He took a chance by adding that last part. I could feel what he was hiding from me, “I don’t get it…why is he keeping secrets from me?” I suddenly got tense, “Joel?” He merely gave me a look of attention. I then smelled the flowers and for a brief moment I didn’t feel like crying. Joel noticed and smiled, “Don’t get depressed, okay? Just take it easy for a day or two.” I had already walked to the top of the stairs, “Joel, it’s alright, I won’t forget about you. And if, you want to say something to me…because I know you want to, you can tell me, you know?” He diverted his attention, “I know…but I’m okay.” I noticed how he seemed less convincing and more uncertain of what he was doing. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Also, I think Leo wants to talk to you.” Joel declared after some time of thought. He mentioned to himself as he left, “I can’t hide it anymore.”

My mother waited for me in my room for the news, “What happened, Mel? You look like you’ve been crying.” I told her what took place that night. She was furious and wanted to call Melissa right that second. My sister didn’t live at home anymore, thank goodness. I pleaded with my mother not to call her until tomorrow, “I don’t want anymore drama, I’d rather go to sleep.” “Hmph, I knew that guy was no good. The really hot ones always turn bad.” She ranted, “And your sister…I don’t know what to do about that. Stupid boy...” “Don’t say that about him, ma.” I defended him for some reason. “I’m sorry, but he shouldn’t have done that to you and neither should have your sister. Especially, after the baby news, wait, did you tell them?” mom wondered. “No, I only told Joel,” I answered, “… Mom, could you forgive me? I’m so sorry.” This came up randomly. “For what exactly?” she asked. “For…you know, getting pregnant and everything. I feel so horrible and empty. I gave it up to him, how could I?” I said and started crying in my mother arms. “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you, Melody. I won’t think less of you.” She comforted me until I was able to go to sleep.

My flashback was disrupted when Joel shook me the next morning as I slept on the couch. “Huh, Joel…?” He smiled when I opened my eyes, “Hey, sleepyhead, I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to work now. I got some more food in the fridge and if you want to find your mom, I got Melissa’s number on the countertop.” “Okay…” I replied. “Alright, Melody, I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.” Joel said bye to me quickly and headed out the door. I went back to sleep right after that.

I didn’t wake up until I heard the door open. “Whoa,” commented, the guy who opened it, “I didn’t know Joel had two girl friends.” My eyes jumped open, “Who-are-you?!” The guy got nervous, “Calm down, I’m Joel’s friend, Avery.” “Really…” I said suspiciously. “Yeah, Joel gave me the keys a while ago. I come in when I feel like getting out of my crowded apartment.” He explained. “Oh,” I thought about what he said for a moment, “What’s this about Joel having a girlfriend?” “Wait a second,” Avery warned as he fiddled with the toaster, “Are you going out with Joel or trying to do so?” “No, silly, I’m just an old friend who needed a place to stay.” I replied with a smile. “Um, I suppose I could believe you.” He reasoned, “So, anyway Joel has a girlfriend. They’re really close and she comes by all the time.” “That’s…cool, I guess. Wow, how things change, not that he wouldn’t have a one by now,” I commented. That’s when I became Avery’s sudden love interest, “Heh, maybe she’s free…” “So,” Avery started asking questions, “What’s your name?” I giggled and answered, “My name’s Melody.” His eyes flashed with amazement, “You’re Melody? The girl Joel used to talk about every five seconds in twelfth grade? It’s a pleasure to meet you.” “Oh, thanks.” I replied, “Did he really talk about me?” “Sure,” Avery responded, “He was sort of upset because you left but he always said good things.” “Cool, I feel so loved.” I cheered happily.

After a little while, Avery started watching tv. I was staring at the small piece of paper that had my sister’s number on it. I hadn’t spoken to Melissa in years and I still didn’t want to now. I kept wondering if I should or not, “Maybe, I should force myself—I don’t know. I need to take walk and think about it.” That’s when I told Avery that I was going outside for a minute.

The streets were busier than usual, probably because it was lunchtime. It was a bit chilly but I didn’t have my hoody that instant so I just dealt with it. I looked around, trying to find that essence of home, “It doesn’t even feel like I lived here before. Everything’s changed and I’m stuck in the past. Heck, I don’t even dress different, I still wear some of my jeans from high school. Even Joel has moved on… I heard in a song once, ‘I’m a diamond in the sand, but how can you tell in a beach full of rhinestones’. That’s how I feel. Like everyone’s over shadowing me.” “Maybe, I should have stayed or maybe I should leave…Nah, I’d just be running again. I wonder if I left for the right reasons in the first place.” I continued thinking, “I guess things could have changed for the best here. I mean, I was starting to warm up to the Joel idea…hmm Joel was acting pretty…different those days too.”

I was referring to the day after the “horrible incident of my life”. On that morning I was plagued by Leo’s decision to visit me. “What are you doing here?” I asked when he came into my room. “You know why,” replied, Leo in a serious tone, “I want to…I want to apologize for everything I’ve done.” He sat next me on the bed, “I feel so bad but I don’t know what to say.” Even with his apologies there was only one thing on my mind, “Leo…how many times were you ‘with’ her?” There was a sudden pause within him, “Um…maybe… a few.” “MAYBE—A—FEW?!” I exclaimed, “Did you ever think about me? Or do you have more feelings for Melissa?” My eyes were watering up again. “No, Melody! It wasn’t like that, I don’t care about Melissa!” Leo protested with all of his being, “I only have feelings for you.” O’ how I loved the sound him saying that to me, “B-but Leo…?” Then he added, “Melissa has been trying to make me break up with you for so long. She was forcing herself on me and…I just gave in after a while. I’m sorry, Melody, I really am. And, I just wanted to say, Melissa and me never slept together. I was only with you.” This got me thinking, “Leo, how could I break up with, Leo?! He loves me and I love him!” That was the perfect moment for a kiss. We used it, but it worked out terribly. Once our lips met, doubt clouded my trust in him, “How could he love me? He’s never said it right out and…and when I saw him kissing her it looked so genuine. I’m falling for the same trick all over again!” I broke away from him saying, “I can’t do this again…Leo, I love you but do you love me? Like seriously?” Leo was a little unsure. That was enough to send me dashing out the house. Leo chased me but I hid so that he wouldn’t find me.

I ended up meeting an old group of friends at a Mc Donald’s a couple blocks down. It was actually the last meeting of the Senior Girls club in my high school. We had already graduated and wanted to say a last goodbye during the summer. I didn’t plan to go but I was near the place anyway. So many girls were there that I went unnoticed, moping in the corner. I had my head down and was trying to block out the sounds of laughter. Morning sickness was making the whole experience worse. My mom and Leo kept calling on my cell phone along with that, I decided not to answer until my vocal chords could work again.

I saw Joel’s name come up on its screen. For some reason I felt like I had to answer. “Hello?” Joel said only hearing my breathing, “I know you’re there, Melody, but I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to speak to anyone right now…” Joel could hear the sniffling and the quiet gasps. “Melody…why are you crying?” Joel wondered. “Because, Leo doesn’t love me.” I brokenly replied, “He couldn’t say it.” The phone was silent while Joel thought of how unsurprising that was, “Where are you?” Joel felt like he had to pick up the pieces of Leo’s work. I told him that I was at Mc Donald’s and that I didn’t wish for Leo to find me. Joel, then responded with a sigh, “Alright, then, I’ll tell him to leave you alone for a little while. I’ll call your mom too.” I thought he was annoyed, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” “It’s not that—I’ll see you okay, Leo’s on the other line.” Joel hung up without saying goodbye.

Now I was mad at Joel for being so snippy, “All men are dogs, I tell you.” I put my head back down and assumed that Joel would call me back but he didn’t. Exactly when I felt like he had forgotten about me, I sensed someone’s hand coming over mine. Startled, I snatched my hand away and sat up. I realized that it was Joel, “Hey, you’re here…” “Yeah,” he said smiling, “Why wouldn’t I help a friend in distress?” A big grin took the place of my frown. This made his smile hang around a little longer. “So what, exactly happened?” He inquired before I could say anything else. “I told you already.” I answered, “I asked him, for real, if he loved me and… he faltered. He didn’t even seem like he was going to say it eventually either.” “I knew it,” Joel remarked sounding a little bothered, “Leo’s always unsure about that stuff. He can’t even decide whether he likes vanilla ice cream or not.” This didn’t make me feel better. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Joel recanted, “I’m just mad at Leo that’s all. I mean, maybe he was going to say it, I don’t know.” “It’s true, you know it’s true.” I began moving close to tears again. “No, no!” he tried to stop me, “Ugh, I’m not making this better, am I? I should just go…” “Don’t go, Joel.” I implored, “It’s not your fault.” He glanced at his phone and then said, “Yeah, I should leave. I think Leo knows that I’m with you.” “What? H…how?” Then I looked around and found girls who knew Leo, staring at us with their phones in hand. “I don’t care about those girls. They can say whatever they want.” I argued. Then Joel stood up to leave, “I don’t either but I do care about what my brother thinks, so I’ll call you when I get out of sight.” His eyes saddened as he said goodbye. I noticed he was hiding something behind his back before he left.

Sitting at my empty booth, I watched Joel walk out the restaurant. For the first couple of seconds I didn’t know what to do, until I suddenly got up and went to follow him. “Joel!” I called out to him and he froze, “I need you?!” Joel finally had turned around. He seemed surprised, “You do…?” “I…wasn’t going to give you this before but…” Joel mentioned after a brief silence. “What is it?” I asked as he came closer. In his hand was a red rose with a tiny note attached to it. “A rose…I wonder.” I said looking at him but I decided to read the note. While I was reading Joel answered his phone, “Hey, Leo…what a surprise.” “Are you with, Melody?” Leo questioned. “No, are you?” Joel retorted, “I’m just hanging around Mc Donald’s.” “Oh, really?” Leo replied, “I’m by there too, I don’t see you though.” That’s when Joel spotted Leo first. “Melody, you better bust a move, Leo is right on the corner!” he warned. Distractedly, I hurried up the block away from Leo’s position.