Et Tu, Brutus

Et Tu, Brutus

Enclosed inside myself
I am alone
You say you know me
Ha, do you really know me?

Do you know I fear you, love you, hate you?
Love and hate you,
I hate you because I still love you

You wonder why I think I still love you, even when my hate is so clear
It’s because hate and love take the same amount of passion
Because I hate you so, I must have loved you at one point too
But I cannot let go of my hate, thus I cannot let go of my love

Yes, I fear you. I fear because fear is only wise
I used to walk in indifference
And now I walk in uncertain steps

Do you really think you know me
Do you know I can no longer look in the mirror
I can’t because it hurts
I can no longer look with out seeing an angry, and envious girl

I am angry, I can’t trust myself when I meet people
I never know if they’ll be just like you, will I love them, will they hurt me too?
It hurts to know that if anyone gets to close, I build a wall around myself, it keeps me safe

And yes, I am very envious of you
Not of the things you own or the friends you have
Envious because you are so unfeeling
You hurt the ones that trust you, then move on to your next victim

Know me! No, no one could possibly know me
Because no one could possibly know how much you’ve hurt me
And because of that, I hate a part of myself

I hate that I hate that part of me, but I can’t let it go
I hate that I am so prideful, too prideful to forgive
I hate that I can’t let go of all this hate, but I can’t feel anything else
And I hate because of my betrayed love

Do you really know me, no now you do not
But that is my doing, because before, you knew me too well
I opened myself up to you, my best friend, I was true I was always there for you

So now you can take back your I love you's and you friendly hugs
Because I know now, you’re just a fake
I still hate myself for the lack of courage to fight for what is right,
For all the forced back words and swallowed tears

But now, it’s in the open
I don’t have to hide the truth or bear the lies
You make me laugh, you say you know me, that’s a lie