Hillary Clinton Around the World

HILLARY CLINTON TRAVELS THE GLOBE

<SCENE ONE: HILLARY IN HARLEM>

HC: Yo homeboys! Fashizzle I is Hillaryizle Clintonizzle.

Random Person: What is she talking about?

HC: Da man is holdin' ya down! Fa shizzle.

Random Person: Is she Hillary Clinton!?

HC: Fashizzle, vote for me and I get Flava Flav to come here, homeboys.

Random Person: What? Why are you saying such things.

HC: Yo?

Random Person: It is because we're black?

HC: No foo!

Random Person: Yes it is!

HC: No foo!

Random Person: Get out of here.

HC: Yo hommes, I got Jesse Jackson on my side.

Random Person: Like he's our king?

HC: He ain't?

Random Person: No he is not. And just because I am black, doesn't mean I am a gangster who talks in ebonics.

HC: Oh.... Darn {(gets out phone and calls Bill)} You lied to me Bubba! What are you trying to do? Screw up my campaign.

Bubba: Oh, it's you honey....heeehee. Uh, can I call you back?

HC: Why?

Bubba: I uh...I uh... I got to go to the store. Yeah! That's it!

HC: BILL! What are you doing?

Bubba: Dang, you caught me. Paula and Monica are over. Heehee.

HC: AGAIN?


<SCENE TWO: HILLARY IN CALIFORNIA>

{(Hillary enters scene dressed in the clothes she wore at Woodstock)}

HC: Hey man... want some weed, dude?

Californian: Sure dude!

HC: DUDE! Look at them waves! Great surfin' dude.

Californian: Dude!

HC: Dude, who are you, like, voting, like, for?

Californian: For Hillary, man. Like, she is awesome and stuff.

HC: You, like, aren't voting for Obama or stuff?

Californian: Like, he doesn't understand us.

HC: Like, why?

Californian: Because he is like SO last year.

HC: Totally.


<SCENE THREE: HILLARY ON OPRAH>

Oprah: And today we have Hillary Clinton. Give her a round of applause everyone! And if you look under your seats, you'll find a copy of her newest book!!!

HC: Thank you for inviting me Oprah. Just yesterday I was watching you and I was SOO touched by your interview with Paris Hilton.

Oprah: What did you think, honey?

HC: Oh, it is SOO sad how she has to spend SOO much time in prison. It must be SOO sad.

Oprah: I know. That is why I am giving Paris Hilton the proceeds of the Book of the Month club!

Crowd: WOOOHOOO!

HC: That is SOO touching. I want to help out too! I will give Paris Hilton all the money I made selling nuclear secrets to the Soviet Union!

Crowd: BOOO

Oprah: You are such a traitor to our country. You betrayed us.

HC: WAIT! If you vote for me, I'll socialize health care so everyone can get equal treatment! *smiles*

Oprah: Just leave.


<SCENE FOUR: HILLARY IN TEXAS>

Cowboy: Hey ya'll it's Hillary Clinton!

{( Hillary rides in on a black horse with a golden retriever at her side)}

HC: Hello boys. I am Sherrif Hillary. I put them terrorists in their places.

Cowboy: What she talkin' about?

HC: And I saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain". Trust me, I'll support whatever you guys want to do.

Cowboy: Hey! Where's yer husband? Where's Bubba?

HC: He's at home right now, why?

Cowboy: We ain't votin' fer you if Bill ain't on the ticket.

({ TV in backround lights up with a news alert})

TV Reporter: Thank you Bob. It turns out that Oprah was murdered in her sleep last night by a hitman. We still have no idea who did it, as the Police are still refusing to release details. Though we do know that the murderer left a note at the scene of the crime It reads: "NO one tells me what to do!!!"

Cowboy: Oprah's dead?! What we gonna do after ranchin' all day now? There ain't any point to livin' these days. What about you Hill?

HC: Uh... guys? I need to get going...


<SCENE FIVE: HILLARY IN A ROAD CHACE>

Reporter: Look here, Bob! Hillary Clinton is driving that white Bronco down the highway, trying to escap from County Police cars. Police pulled her over earlier today to inform her that she was a suspect, but Hillary sped off.

{( Hillary Clinton is on the phone with police negotiators)}

HC: Noooo my precioussssssss. My preciousssssss.

Police: Surrender yourself and Bill won't get hurt!

HC: Why do I care about him?

Police: Fine! You brought this onto yourself. Shoot Bill.

Bill: Guys, we can talk this out. Can't we use reason and...urp...

HC: HAHAHAHA! That was hilarious.

Police: Pull over your car!

HC: No.

Police: Bring in the backup.

Fidel Castro: Hillary... Hillary...

HC: Is that *gasp*...

Fidel Castro: Yes, it me Hillary. You need to stop. You get in trouble if continue.

HC: I have to keep going! I need to reach Canada, where people love me!!! All I need is love!

Fidel Castro: You come to Cuba. We love you there!

HC: Will the police let me?

Police: Sure, as long as you leave the country!!!

HC: Alright then. I'll pull over.

({ Hillary Clinton hangs up cell phone and pulls over her car})

Fidel Castro: Come... Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong Il are waiting at my palace.

THE END