Lingering Disbelief

I cant understand why this emptiness lingers,
It covers up all the dispair and guilt,
Creating a lifeless illusion of what I think I deserve.
Gray skys fill up the endless days of pain,
Until the clouds get tired of waiting day and night,
And release my tears in the form of rain.

I'll just keep running and running,
Till the day when I run straight into my past,
And even now, I dont think I will be able to last.
Dreams and doubt race through my head,
And Im starting to wonder if Im already dead.
Waiting this all out and I cant decide,
When I will understand my need for suicide.

My dreams were ripped to shreds,
And put back together to create nightmares.
Instead of seeing hope outlining what I felt,
I now saw the palm of your hand,
Right before it put a large red mark on my life,
Reminding me of the reason I need help.

When things seem to grow higher towards fresh air,
I get lost in the sensations happiness creates.
And when I begin to race back down to reality,
The air knocks everything I once believed,
Right out of my head and heart,
Making myself cry till I fall asleep.

My screams are muffled deep within,
Till I cant figure out how to release them.
If only once I could discover what the world offered,
And be allowed to say that I was truely content,
With this world of lies and desent,
And live with the fact,
That I cant run from my everlasting fears,
But I can let them out with tears.