Dear Jim

Dear Jim,

We've been friends for a long time, but I feel that we no longer see things in the same ways. I've grown a lot in the past fifteen years, both professionally and socially. I think you have pretty much stayed the same. This is great for you, but sometimes you, and your sense of humor, are not the best thing for me to have around.

I know you really like to be around me, since you're always right there by my side all the time. Problem is, sometimes I just want to be on my own. Take the time we were in the elevator with Jenny; I think she was starting to like me, but after you passed that noxious gas, I doubt she'll ever speak to me again. And when we're in a club, I know I've gotten at least two black eyes because of you. I can't understand why you have to goose every woman who stands near me, every guy too, for that matter... hence the black eyes.

I just want you to know that I do like you and respect you as a person, but the stress of dealing with the stuff you do is making me nuts! You never behave like a grown-up. You never have. If you can't respect that, I can't be your friend anymore.

Your friend,
Dan


Dear Dan,

I'm sorry you feel that way, since I am merely a figment of your imagination. That's what invisible friends are. I am merely behaving like you wanted me to when we were eight years old. It's your fault I'm like this. You're just going to have to live with it.

Invisble pal,
Jim


Dear Jim,

If you aren't real, how come you can write letters?

Dan


Dear Dan,

Oops. Okay, okay, I'm an invisible elf. I don't have anywhere else to go. You're my only friend. Please don't make me go away.

Love,
Jim


Dear Jim,

Okay, but promise you'll stop doing embarrasing stuff, will you? I'd like to date someone before I'm thirty without you there. Can't you find some kind of hobby or something?

Resigned,
Dan

Dear Dan,

Thank you for giving me another chance. I do have an idea for a sideline as a key hider and sunglass stealer. You'll see, I'll be the best invisible friend ever.

Best friends forever,
Jim

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