Shocking news

In a shocking turn of events England has become the first country to outlaw childhood. In a brief statement from the Office of Childhood Development (OCD) MP Alastair Reed read the following. “Childhood is a time wrought with unseen disaster and it is with great remorse that we have banned all forms of it.” Critics were quick to attack the government’s new law but also conceded they are now helpless to fight back. “When Parliament passes laws without the guidance of educated professionals then we all lose” said Dr. Jemma Smith. In addition to Dr. Smiths’ comments she agreed that children will now have to spend more time gardening with their parents or in areas with 100% CCTV coverage. “We will just have to find ways to replace old forms of childhood with accelerated adult activities that children can grasp.” It is thought that a larger portion of the country will resort to drinking with their children to help lessen the children’s senses and drive to play.