My Multiple Sclerosis

         Multiple Sclerosis (MS) results from a misdirected immune-system attack leveled primarily against myelin, a white, fatty material that coats wirelike nerve fibers in the central nervous system. Myelin provides insulation that speeds the transmission of nerve signals relaying information into, within, and out of the brain and spinal cord. When myelin is attacked and destroyed in MS, a process known as demyelination, nerve transmission flow is interrupted, resulting in a variety of neurological problems.

http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761564457_1/Multiple_Sclerosis.html#S1 - Link to Multiple Sclerosis - MSN Encarta Premium

My body is attacking itself!  I was diagnosed with MS in August 2002.  The problem that brought me to that point was tingling and numbness is my lower legs and feet.  From that point in time until 1 May, 2003, everything progressed quite rapidly.  I went from looking like I was walking with heavy feet, through stumbling like a drunkard, to on 1 May, 2003, I couldn't even sit up on my bed, let alone move around the house.  That put me into a wheelchair, although compared to others in chairs, I can at least do a standing pivot, which means that I park the wheelchair next to whatever I am transferring to, stand up and turn, then sit down on the new seat.  MS frustrates me to no end, because there are things that I used to be able to do that I either can't do now, or takes much more time.  For example, being in this infernal chair, it's a little difficult to sweep or vacuum floors, so I HAVE to have someone come in to do my cleaning.

Another example is that I used to be able to type almost as fast as I could, and now I have to hunt and peck with one hand because the other hand usually doesn't listen to directions, such as, I had a evoked potential test today, and although the specialist was able to get my right thumb to tap air like she expected it to, my left thumb was almost perfectly still and my middle and ring fingers were 'dancing'.

As I was learning about ms, and trying to find a way to explain the disease to my boys, I read "Someone You Know Has MS: A Book for Families" - http://www.nationalmssociety.org/site/PageServer?pagename=HOM_LIB_brochures_some... - National Multiple Sclerosis Society that in a simplified explanation described the myelin sheath and axons as a wire and its rubber coating.  The myelin gets attacked by the patient's own immune system, causing the myelin to scar.  As more and more scars show up, it becomes harder and harder for nerve impulses to get through.
I usually get tired faster now than I ever used to, and get aggravated.  Sometimes the aggravation is with myself, because a thirty-something shouldn't have to take multiple naps during the day, as though I were a tot.  At other times, it is because I feel cheated by getting this disease.  And at yet other times, it is at other people for not being understanding about the fatigue and the fact that it's the disease, and not me "just being lazy".

I hate the roller coaster feelings that come with ms.  I blow up at the stupidest things, but it's not necessarily about that thing that I'm blowing up. For example, I blew up at one of my aides because she didn't make my bed the way I wanted her to,  but it wasn't her or the bed that I had a problem with, it was the fact that I couldn't make the bed myself. On top of this, I can be very sad and then I'm okay an hour later

No one knows the cause of MS, and no one knows how to cure MS. These facts make me so frustrated! I wish that I could create a cure out of thin air, but you know as well as I do that I can't do that. On top of that, living in Western New York, I live in the area with the second highest count of MS Patients in the US. That scares me and makes me question what it is that is with WNY that created this fact.