this is the first few paragraphs of a story i am writing what do you think? |
There was a pounding at the door, “Erik! Erik, are you there? ERIK!” Erik sits up with a jerk. Obviously confused, he mutters “Who the heck?” under his breath, as the pounding continues. He gets out of bed and slowly walks toward the front door hitting his shin hard on the coffee table as he does so. “OH ERIK, WAKE UP!” Erik opened the door just a crack. Still in pain from the coffee table, he looked outside and saw his neighbor Bob smith staring at him looking mortified. “May I come in?” asked Bob urgently. Erik closed the door to unlock the chain that kept it from opening more than a few inches, and then opened it again to let him in cautiously. “Do you know what time it is?” asked Erik looking at his watch. “It’s 2:30 in the morning in case you haven’t noticed, and I’ve got to work tomorrow. “Dad, what’s going on?” said a soft voice from across the room. It was Erik’s daughter Emily. “Nothing honey, go back to sleep,” Said Erik, but Emily defiantly walked to the couch and sits on it focusing on Bob. “I’m really, truly sorry about this,” said Bob looking rather restless, “but this couldn’t wait, and you were the first person I thought of who I could trust.” “Bob, what on earth are you talking about?” asked Erik seriously. “I need to tell you something, it’s a matter of life and death,” stated Bob flatly. “I’ve been hanging around the wrong people,” said Bob before Erik could open his mouth again, “and I have something that I need to get off my chest before it’s too late.” Although, before he could say anymore, he turned around fast as he heard deafening barks coming from outside. Erik assumed correctly that these earsplitting noises were coming from Bob’s two enormous Rottweiler Dogs. “Oh, I knew he would come!” Said Bob, much louder than he intended looking petrified “okay, I’ve got to go, if anything happens to me go to the police straight away,” He said. Bob walked across the dark room saying, “don’t forget to lock the door behind me,” and walked out the door leaving Erik and Emily looking perplexed. “That was the weirdest thing…” said Emily, weakly to her father. “Yeah, Well I’ll check in on him tomorrow to make sure he’s okay,” said bob looking apprehensive. “Well that’s just great; we live next door to a crazy person. My friends would just love to come over now,” She said rolling her eyes sarcastically. “I’m sure he’s not crazy,” said Erik reassuring her, “he probably just needs a good nights sleep, which is exactly what you should be doing, now go to bed.” “Oh dad, I’m fifteen now,” Emily said looking annoyed “I should be able to go to go to sleep whenever I want.” “Ha ha, you’re funny; he said mockingly “now go to bed,” Erik said on a more serious note. “Fine,” Said Emily getting off the couch and walking to her room. As she closed her door Erik, who was still standing walked back to his room and laid on his bed thinking about what had just happened. He decided to check on him first thing in the morning, and then fell asleep in a matter of minutes. |