Ba Ba Boom

My eyes feel heavy in my head as I stumble through a daze. Exhaust weighs upon my shoulders as a I start another day. Ba ba boom ba ba boom, my head pounds incessantly as my vision blurs. I walk through each day sick and tired of being sick and tired.

There are so many people in thsi world, but none of them see me, hear me, feel me. Boy it must be nice to have a palce to stay at night, a warm bed, a fmaily, money to spend freeley. I regret every penny I spend. I am hungry. I want to scream at the world, how badly I want a place to sleep, not a floor, not a chouch, not some rocks under a bridge, but a bed, a warm fluffy bed with pillows and a down comforter.

People look at me like I have chosen this life, that I am lazy, indulgent, selfish. I have been working my whole life, endless weeks with no days off. Work, work, work. As the black velevet October night air swirled around me, I walked toe to heel or heel to toe and I realized it's not about how hard you work, but who you know and what illegal crimes you can get away with. I ask this, why would I choose to take the chance to freeze to death? Why would I choose to not ahve a warm shower every morning?

And I feel, feel what? Who cares? I could write out my whole life story, the deeply embedded sarrow caused by my sister's death, abou thte scares left from my mother's insenstive verbal abuse, or how I came to be where I am. But who would listen? People are running so fast, for what? To find a meaning to life so they don't feel so bad? I don't know. No one cares enought to see me, to actually listen for the answer I hold with in me.

With everything I have strapped to my back, I struggle agaisnt the world so fiercely, and I have noticed that most people claim to have love, but it's a love of manipulation, conviction, convenience, control. It's a love of battles, what fights can be won, a love to feel something rather than nothing at all.

So here I am, awaiting another day. Head pounding incessantly ba ba boom ba ba boom. Stomic in a knot. Feeling like the only person in this world who isn't blind to everyone and everything. I keep hoping, keep wishing that someday I will avail because it's too hard to have nothing or something to litte. Some day, because I am so tired of this life, of here, of now.