This much

I found myself in the midnight summer air walking along boardwalk. As a girl of sixteen, I've always been told not to be out at night alone. But this night I knew I wasn't alone, He was there...walking with me. At that point I questioned my sanity for the invisible God was walking with me, but I didn't seem to care. We just walked without any sense of time or direction. Our steps almost in rhythm as I listened to the sound of our steps on old, dry boardwalk. A million questions flooded my mind at once as the silence seemed to grow colder and stronger. It was one of those silences that you could hear the clock tick or a pin drop. All I heard was the sound of the crashing waves. Finally, my words pierced the silence as I blurted out, "God, I know you love me..." He nodded and smiled, "but in this world its everywhere, 'God loves you!' that it's almost generic and vague. Lord, how much? How deep, how wide is your love?". He stopped and looked deep into my eyes. I squinted and pointed to a bridge off in the distance and said, "From here to that bridge, God is that the width of your love?". He nodded 'No.' I ran over to the edge of the boardwalk and I pointed downward and said "To the bottom of the deepest ocean, God, is that the depth of Your love?" He again, nodded 'No.' Like a impatient child I stomped my foot and said "God, why won't you tell me? Why am I always stuck here having to guess, why won't you just show me? Can't you hear me?" A cold silence fell between us, and the ocean seemed to be still. I dared not to speak, for I had already said far too much. He responded, "Daughter, I've shown you, You just haven't been watching. I've told you, but you haven't been listening. I would have responded if you let me speak." He continued, "Now, watch. Pay attention..this is me." All of a sudden he entire night sky lit up like a television screen. In all of His majesty, I recognized Him at once, it was the Almighty God in the flesh. It was the One I had been walking with for all of this time there in the night sky. His face was different, there was pain in His eyes, sorrow upon His face. Roman soldiers tied Him up. I thought, "What are they doing, the Almighty God cannot be contained by rope..." They whipped Him, and He screamed out in anguish. I heard crack of the whip as they whipped Him over and over. I saw as metal spikes at the ends of the whipped ripped and tore at His flesh. I couldn't watch anymore and I turned my face. God whispered into my ear "...look back into the sky." I looked up again and saw that the image was paused on His face in anguish and pain as His blood shot eyes stared right into mine. He whispered again "... this is your pain, this is your punishment, this is your sin I did this..for you." I broke down and cried as the images started to move again. Half dead, and covered in blood they lead Him away. They put a purple robe on Him, I thought, "Thats more like it!" Then, they made a crown out of thorns and put it on His head; blood streamed down His face. They mocked Him and spit on Him. Enraged I thought, "This is the King of Glory, what are they doing?!? How dare they?!?" He whispered again "..this is your shame, this is your crown, I shed my glory, and gave it to you...". Suddenly they ripped the purple robe off of Him, ripping off the newly formed scabs on His back. He screamed in pain, and I clenched my teeth. They threw a cross the size of a tree on His back and ordered Him to march through the crowded street. He walked through the street, with His head down in grave silence as people in the street spit on Him and made fun of Him. He stumbled, and fell His face in the dirt. His words echoed around in my head "..for you." and I shook my head in disbelief. I cry out "Why God, why? I am not worth that much, I am not worth that pain, You haven't seen all that I've done...I'm not worth it..seriously God, I know me..I'm not that great.". I will never forget the look He gave me. God slowly shook His head, grabbed me by both shoulders, He looked straight into my eyes and said sternly, "Lindsey, look at me, my eyes have seen down to the darkest part of your soul, I've seen all that you've done. I created you beautiful, and beautiful you will always be. I know you down to every fiber of your being, and you are my greatest treasure, and let me tell you...you were worth it." My eyes widened and my jaw dropped, and I thought "...me??", a word was not spoken, but then He added "Yes...you." I looked up at the sky again, and saw another man carried His cross. They dragged Him up to a hill, where two common criminals hung from crosses. I knew what was His fate. His faced filled with worry for He knew as well. They threw him down on the cross and drove nails between His hands and feet. His words echoed in my mind "...this is your pain, your punishment, your shame...". They raised Him up and the picture paused. God walked over to me, and grabbed my hand and whispered "You asked me to show you the width of my love. It cannot be contained to any kind of science or measurement. But look up at the sky. The width of my love is from that scarred hand to the other...thats how much I love you." I looked at Him confused, and wondered what about the depth and height? He chuckled and smiled as any Father would looking upon their child. "Daughter, I will show you." I continued to look at the sky. I saw Him a hanging there. Then, He suddenly cried out "My God, my God why have you forsaken me??" The picture paused on His face of anguish again. I said "So let me take a guess, you love me to the moon and back?". A smile came upon His face as He said tenderly "No, daughter, I love you to Hell, and back." I shook my head in disbelief and said "But what about..but what about what I've done..Your love can't possibly find me..I'm too far away..You can't possibly lo-". He put His finger on my lips "Shhh...hush daughter. Beautiful I created you, and beautiful you remain My love will find you and will find you where ever you are." I breathed in the salty summer night air, and finally I understood. I threw myself at His feet. Completely captivated by His love all I could do is worship in adoration, for I had never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. I finally found the strength to get up. We looked at each other, smiled, and walked off into the sunrise. We just walked without any sense of time or direction. I really didn't care where we were going, as long as I was with Him. We both walked in beat as He taught me the rhythm of grace. This was not the end, but only the beginning to the great love story..that goes on past time itself on into eternity.