Better To Have Pain Than Nothing At All

You watch people everyday.

You watch how they act, how they communicate, how they socialise, how they love, and how they hate. You also observe how they react in certain situations. A lot of the time, you somehow know exactly how they are feeling, even though you have never actually been in the exact same situation that they are in.

It’s that reaction that I like to write about. Their emotions, and how they deal with something - or not deal with it - is what makes good writing. The reader feels that they can relate to the character.

I personally like to use character profiles that I do on real people. Because real life is actually very interesting. Pain is what makes it interesting. It is better to have pain, than nothing at all. It is better to be able to look back at all those painful moments in your life, and think to yourself - 'I made it. I managed to come through that difficult time, and it has made me a stronger and wiser person for it.'

A good friend of mine said to me a few weeks ago 'Leigh, I don't mean to sound condescending, but you have no idea what its like to lose someone really close to you.'
I replied, and said that 'no, I didn't.' I have no idea what it's like to lose a parent, like she has. However, I write about it, even though I have never experienced it.

I have however, experienced my best friends at the age of 11 being murdered in a mass killing. I have experienced the friends and family who I love committing suicide, or dying of other causes.
So while my friend was right about me not experiencing my parents dying, I have experienced alot that she hasn't. I have experienced a lot of death. And while it hurts, and its unbearably painful when our loved ones go to heaven, there is absolutely nothing that I would change. I feel honoured to have known them, and to have shared a part of my life with them.

I have experienced the pain of heartbreak, just like nearly everybody I know has.
This is the pain that a lot of people talk about. Love hurts, haven't you heard? People fall in love with their eyes wide open, and it still hurts.

But its still better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Because, that’s life. That’s what we do. We fall in love, and love the people around us. Most of us have children. We hopefully grow old, and then we die.

If I didn't have pain in my life, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Love and pain is not just something that you live through, it's something that shapes you. It is how you react to it, and what you feel afterwards. Our experiences give us character. How long will you carry your burdens for?

My friend will carry the burden and pain of her mother's death forever. My friend will now never celebrate her own life on her birthday anymore, because her mother slipped in a coma on her birthday eight years ago. Her birthday is this coming week, but she won't celebrate it. She will call into work sick, take the day off, and drink herself into utter oblivion. She does this every year, without fail, in the memory of her mother. Every year when this happens I feel helpless to help her through her pain. Even though it hurts me to see her this way year after year, I would much rather be by her side, than not there at all.

As strong you are are, you still need others to help carry you when you are feeling weak. Thats what we do for the people who we love.

It is better to have pain than nothing at all.