My Walk

A friend and I had been talking about life in general, and our lives, in particular. After I commented about losing myself somewhere in the process of being Nana, Mom, wife, friend, and lover, he suggested that I go for a walk in a park of which he was familiar. That is, if I liked the outdoors. I assured him that I loved the outdoors and missed the Piney Woods of East Texas, and, so, he proceeded to give me directions and information about do's and don'ts. It was decided that I would go this morning. Morning came and we began our internet conversation early. Procrastination was setting in as I tried to find reasons to postpone my walk. After gentle nudging with kind words, I overcame all obstacles and set off on my journey. I arrived at the wilderness retreat and noticed that there was another truck already there. My mind could not help but wonder if maybe it was my friend surprising me by meeting me there. He did mention something about devils and them sweeping me off my feet and making mad passionate love to me! Oh boy. Then I eagerly began to walk the trail. Oh, no. The beginning of the trail was not really walking; it was more like climbing rocks uphill! This fat old grandma was winded and breathing heavy. My cell phone rang and I answered it and quickly got rid of the caller as I explained that I wanted to enjoy the beautiful nature around me.

I made it up the climb and began walking along a path that winded through trees that had lost their leaves and were standing naked in the sunlight. The grass, too, had turned brown earlier in preparation for the winter it had endured. The ground was level now and I welcomed the change as my back and knee hurt from all the climbing. Ahead I saw a bench sitting where two paths split and wondered if this was the magical bench my friend had mentioned. I sat on the bench and began talking to God. My prayer was earnest as I poured out my troubles, doubts, and needs to Him. I opened up my heart and mind and asked that He fill them with knowledge.

I arose from the bench and began to walk again, continuing my nonstop conversation with God. I noticed that my knee and back no longer hurt, and, I smiled and thanked Him. I walked in the totally serene scenery until I came to the cliffs. I paused there and debated about turning back, or going down another trail. The trail ahead of me was steeply going down among big boulders. I felt afraid. After all, I was there alone and I might fall and hurt myself being the klutz that I am and no one would be there to help me.

But, I continued on, slowly. Placing one foot carefully in front of the other, I made my way down amongst the rocks. I realized that God had wanted me to see that sometimes in life I need to slow down and make sure of my footing before I just go rushing into things. I realized that I was not really alone on the path; that He had been there with me, the whole way, guiding me, helping me and taking care of me.

As a reward for my perseverance I came to a small lake in the valley among the cliffs. I listened to the frogs singing their happy song and the birds answering in return. I continued on, and walked inside openings cut into the cliffs. I felt the comfort of God's arms surrounding me, holding me safe and secure.

The pathway changed to a wooden walkway across flat land and up ahead was another bench. I eagerly sat down to rest and reflect. I turned my face up to the sky and the sunshine. The cliffs were ahead of me and I marveled at their beauty. I closed my eyes as I thought about what my friend had told me about the magical bench. He said if I sat on the bench and looked for my self-esteem issues I would find that they were fading in the distance. I thought about that as I sat there. I continued my conversation with God in a spirit of thankfulness. A gentle, cool breeze started blowing. It was the first one since I had begun my walk. And I felt my self-esteem issues and self-doubts being lifted off my heart and carried away on the gentle breeze.

I arose from the bench. Refreshed, calm, peaceful, and full of confidence I began the journey back to my truck. As the pathway gently started uphill again, I stumbled. But I got back up unharmed and realized that yes, here was another lesson. Life is not always going to be easy. Sometimes it is going to be an uphill climb. Sometimes I am going to stumble. But I can get up unharmed and keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue on the path that God leads me on. Shortly, I came back to the parking area and my truck. The truck that had been there when I got there was gone, and another one was there to replace it. I could not help but wonder about who had driven that truck there. And what they had come to find or lose.

As for me, I am so thankful for my friend. Because of his caring, I was able to find a little of myself that had been lost through the years. My walk today is over, but my journey has just begun. I know now that I will never be alone in that journey.