Looking Back

Today I sit and gaze into the mirror looking at my reflection,
I detect a hint of despair and a need for re-living affection.
Only to one that has really cared all along no matter what,
Through rumours, resent and opinionated bickering cuts.

Yesterday was only 24 hours ago but it seems like an eternity,
I yearn only for your touch again with a caring certainty.

A month ago went by quickly, I was as busy as a bee,
I still saw your face in my mind and I hoped you still saw me.

A year ago I remember with so much clarity,
The day I first laid eyes upon your congeniality.

I was scared and frightened, shaking cold but strong,
I have been this way my whole life, taking baby steps along.
I was always afraid to open myself up to something so real yet illusional,
I was afraid of being broken, and though cautious, it happened still.

I look back and hope that my memory is positively unforgettable,
I think about this every day and wonder if you are really credible.
I apologize for being curt, it's not what I intended,
I just wanted to save us, so my hand I lended.

I know that love is not always rosey posey and perfectly secure,
But I knew that if we stuck it through, somethings' I could not endure.
I just wanted the best for everyone and so I reluctantly closed the door.
All I knew is that if you were hurting me in absence, I'd have fallen to the floor.
So I reflect upon our prior shared embraces, so safe and so secure.
Were you really in love, this, I coud not at that time been so sure.

So now I hope you still store my loving you subtly near to your warming heart,
If you feel that we can forgive eachother like adults and make a brand new start.

Looking back on the past is not easy for me at this crossroad.
I know that you were the one who could make my emotions explode.

I may have ran away, I may have been very leary,
Only because I have always loved you so dearly.

**this much I thought this "one" person should know. He NEVER tried to hurt me or trick me, he only tried to save me. I feel as though I was used up and chewed out, especially after a short relationship where someone very "crooked" broke my trus in everyway possible. I mean he blatenly lied to me and now uses the lie for personal gain. I have no respect for him and I never will, thank God, it was short lived, and I learned greatly from that mistake. Yes, a huge absurdly naive mistake. At least I can be honest. You hurt me and many other girls by fooling them. You should be ashamed, punished, and change your attitude about women in general....don't ever think you can just "hook" them in. Never!**