Middle of the Road

My day consists of routines. Wake up, make coffe, make my husband a roast beef sandwich on wheat bread with mayonaise, yellow mustard, and deli cheese (usually pepper jack, muenster, or provolone).

My two year old daughter is awake and wants to watch Dora. Then she asks me for milk and we begin our morning argument of what to eat for breakfast. I don't eat breakfast so she has the advantage as we begin the debate. She asks for cake. I offer pancakes. "No, Mommy." She wants ice cream. I tell her she can have oatmeal. "No, Mommy." Instead she wants cookies. I tell her she can have frozen waffles. Occasionally she'll simply request eggs, but almost every morning is a challenge. I resume my daily household duties. Dishes from the night before, cleaning the kitchen, or finishing laundry while she is eating what is a favorite compromise for breakfast, frozen "Gogurts" that I can pretend is a popscicle. She also has on her plate a gummi vitamin mixed in with real gummi bears. The real gummi bears do not trick her into eating vitamins. She loves the vitamins and requests them all day every day. I use the real ones as a diversion so she doesn't overdose on vitamins.

I check my email, in vain, searching for a new job opening. I have only been unemployed for a month, but we are not prepared for this financial devastation. For 8 years, I have been the responsible one. I always had a job, or two, or five to make ends meet.

I taught third grade for three years. I love saying that. There is some parallel to the grade I taught and for how long. I taught URBAN children. These children were not asked to be brought into this world and now because of their parents, they are not allowed to participate as children either. I left teaching because I was told I wasn't doing my best for these children by a woman who had completely lost her vision of education.

I have lost my drive because of that woman. I call her Atilla in my head and to Jamie a former coworker. Jamie left the school we were assigned to for a better district at a better school i.e., SUBURBAN. She has moved on and is continuing to teach.

I now enjoy being a stay at home mom. Although, I am not able to cash in on the connotations that usually go along with that term. I don't have a nanny or a housekeeper. I don't have a dog to walk. I don't live in a metropolitan area or even a trendy suburban area. I don't go to yoga.

My life consists of middle of the road everything. My marriage is luke warm. My career is non existent. My daughter is amazing to me, but to the world she is probably average. I am average. Average weight, hair, and looks, I do not stand out in a crowd. I have settled into my life. My friends are going to Las Vegas on the weekends or have been traveling to different countries for holidays. I stay at home standing still while I watch myself go through the motions. I am only 25 years old.