Hating you

Hating you
Betrayal disguised with a smile,
The pain lingers for a longer while,
Feeling scared,
Abandoned and alone,
I crawl back to my shell,
My hurt becomes my home,

The masks behind which I hide,
Still not hiding the person inside,
The person you’re not suppose to see,
The person I cannot be,

Who am I?
I am a lie,
But I do try,
Am I dirt?
No I’m worse
I am a curse
A curse upon you,
Even if you don’t want it to be true,

I can’t be who you want me to be,
I can’t be the girl you want to see,

These dreams won’t let me rest,
They won’t let me sleep,
They dwell on me,
Drag me down,
And I never feel free,

You make me,
You break me,
You hold my heart in the palm of your hand
Yet you still can never truly understand.

Beneath my eyes,
You see happiness every time,
Yet you can never comprehend,
The message I try to send.

I want to despise you,
I really do,
You, I want to detest
It would make loving you hurt less,
I love you
I hate you
I need you