To Whom It May Concern

From : Slapdash Superior <[e-mail]>

Sent : Thursday, January 18, 2027 9:32 AM

To : All Concerned

Subject : (none)

To: Whom It May Concern,

We:
The musicians,
Lyricists,
And vocalist
Of the band Slapdash Superior
Formally apologize

To you:
Our audience of
the masses,
the casual listeners,
the newbies,
and the faithfuls

We apologize
We have selfishly neglected to
Dutifully
Faithfully
and Respectfully
Drop
Every
Single
Thing
We are doing
To respond to every one of
Tens of thousands of
Letters
Fan mail
Hate mail
E-mail
Snail mail
And text messages
We have received
Every day
Of the past seven years
Six months
Three weeks
And two days.

We apologize
For committing an act of appalling treachery
To our faithfuls
There with us from the beginning
For we have moved from the clubs
To self-produced albums
To record deals
To videos
To album sales
To radio airplay
To becoming mainstream
To playing ‘The Colfax Show’
We have moved
From the dank
Dilapidated 
Leaking
Pungent
Rat infested
Badly wired apartment on 180 Clampett Avenue
Whose rent we could only barely afford
To a Tuscan condo with cable television
A pool table
Nice cars
And running water
That you can actually see though

And

We apologize for our treacherous crime
Of changing and revamping our style
Our lyrics
And our melodies
We have neglected to merge into other
Evil
Different
Repugnant genes
We do not glorify the needs
Of our listeners
We no longer play the same
The same five songs
That made us famous
Night
After night
After night
Tour
After tour
After tour
We have been entangled in the gossamer
Webs of modification, adaptation and alteration
Instead of the steadfast, static, constant
Of the album you loved us for
Seven
years
ago

And

We are sorry for the following lyrics
Of the following songs:
‘Ozdust in MerryWeather’
‘Glucose Grandstand’
‘Hart Felt’
‘Pipers’
‘Adamik’s Price’
We were not aware
Of the vulgarity
The indecency
The lack of taste
Or the uncomfortable feelings
Some listeners had upon
Sampling these pieces
We were not aware
The innocent ears
Of the underaged
And youthful
Were listening
To these audacious
And licentious lyrics
We were not aware
Parental Advisory
Was printed in a language
Of foreign origin
And too small for buyers to notice

We do apologize
For not being better
Role models
Gurus
And advisors for future generations
For you see,
We were not aware
We were now messiahs

And

We also apologize for
Recent actions of Slapdash Superior
That have come under scrutiny
By all concerned
I.e.
That of Karew’s drinking habits
That of Fiver’s adultery, divorce, and remarriage
That of Cyprus’ political beliefs
That of Indigo’s recent conversion to Hoodoo
We should have been wiser

And

We will make attempts
For our private lives
To properly suit
The audience’s personal views
And will broadcast our personal lives
On national television
So that we may be properly judged
By our wise and benevolent audience
Because we should have knows
Private affairs
Always
Always
ALWAYS
Come before anything as trivial
As trite
As insignificant
As something like music
That gave us our limelight

To whom it may concern:
We of the musical group
Slapdash Superior
Are deeply sorry
For,
We
(The Band)
Have not completely
Satisfied
Entertained
Amused
Or educated
You
(The Audience)
In ways you have deemed worthy
Of your massive
Praise
Adoration
And inspiration
Truly, in the future
We shall try harder to cater
To your expectations and whims

For you
(The Audience)
Are infinitely
Wiser
Greater
Kinder
And are
More talented
More aware
And are
Far more
Familiar
With the intricacies
Hidden meanings
Inspirations
Political natures
Veiled agendas
Negative conations
Of our songs
Than we could ever hope to be. 

We, the members of Slapdash Superior:

Karew Salinger
(AKA ‘Sal‘)

Indigo Nejem
(AKA ‘Indie‘)

Tayla Nejem
(AKA ‘So-So Jovial‘)
(AKA ‘Jovi‘)

Cyprus Owens
(AKA ‘Cy’)

Oscar Williams
(AKA ‘Fiver’)

Deeply and humble apologize
To the audience
The listeners
The critics
And
To whomever else this may concern

For

We

Slapdash Superior

Have come
To learn

That

Everything

Concerns

Everyone