Vanished

She stared out into the Gulf, not quite sure why she was even there. Lisa had just had about enough of the Ohio winter weather and knew she couldn't take another one. But how she talked herself into packing up the few belongings she had with her, and just getting in the car and driving south, she had no idea. It must have been that stupid book by Anne Tyler I read 15 years ago, she thought. Never forgot the feeling I had when I was reading it. She shook her head, trying to concentrate on the present. It didn't really matter how or why she got here now anyway. She got herself into this mess, and she was the only one who would be able to get herself out of it.

**********

It had only been two weeks since she, so impulsively, packed her Saturn up with everything she could possibly fit in it. She had come home from work that night, totally fed up with "The Hell Hole." It wasn't so much the work she hated, she enjoyed helping the elderly, but the politics of the facility were too much to handle anymore. You would think having only 18 women employed there, it wouldn't be dog eat dog, she thought. But rarely did a day go by that she didn't feel a knife going in her back. After three nights in a row of constant problems, she just snapped.

It didn't help that the man in her life was still doing everything he could to make her feel insignificant either. And her family, since the death of her son, wasn't making her feel exactly needed either. It had been hard after so many years of being a mother to suddenly find herself without a purpose in life. She wasn't sure who she was anymore, and the people in her life weren't making her feel important enough to stay where she was. The way they were making her feel, in fact, made the decision to just disappear so much easier.

She spent the better part of that night packing the car with the few treasures she possessed. She could make do without furniture, linens and some of the clothes she had. And of course, she couldn't care less about anything in the kitchen. All those things could be replaced someday. But the TV Steven had bought her for Christmas had to go and her computer. She couldn't leave without her computer, even though she knew it would be a while before she would be hooking it back up. She gathered up her summer clothes and gladly tossed aside anything that could remotely be considered winter. She didn't plan on wearing winter clothes ever again.

The difficult part of packing up her life into one small car started with her son's things. Lisa knew she wouldn't be able to get everything into the car. But she had a hard time deciding what she would have to leave behind. Everything she had of his she had some sort of emotional attachment to. She picked out some of his favorite clothes, including the preemie outfits she had saved from when he was a baby. She took many of the books she had read him; snuggling in bed with him every night as he fell asleep. And the few toys that were his favorites for years. It was hard looking at the pile sitting in the middle of the floor that she knew wouldn't fit in the car. She secretly hoped that the manager would contact her family to come and get the rest of her things. But she knew the fact was that everything would probably end up in the dumpster. She tried not to think about that.

The Saturn was packed with all she could get in it by 3AM. Lisa knew she couldn't leave without stopping at the bank and withdrawing most of her money. Weary from the emotional strain of packing up her insignificant life, she laid down on the couch to try to get some sleep before morning. She was going to have a long journey starting with the sun rising, and she knew she needed the rest.

She hadn't meant to get started as late as she did, but Lisa felt refreshed after six hours of sleep. And taking the time to shower and put on clean jeans and a T-shirt, made her feel ready to face the day and the new adventure she was taking. The sun was shining and the warm May air filled the car. It was ten o'clock when Lisa filled the gas tank, cranked up the CD player and headed south. Even though she still felt scared, she also felt that this new life, whatever it ended up being, would be far better than the one she was leaving behind.

**********

Sitting on the beach in FL, Lisa felt the warm sun on her face. Another day almost over, and she was still living out of her car. Two weeks of driving from town to town. Trying to find work was starting to take a toll on her. She had very little money left for gas and food. Damn, that stupid book, she thought. She made it look so easy. Just take a little money. Drive to a small town. Find a room and a job. Start a new life. Lisa sighed and wondered how she could have been so naive to think that she could make "fiction" work in the real world.

Even though she had the cash to pay for a room, no one would rent to her without proof of an income. And no one would hire her if she didn't have proof of residency. Just one more of those vicious circles that made life more frustrating than it had to be. The only thing she found easy was driving into the camp grounds every morning. She'd walk around for an hour or so looking like she belonged there; and then walk into the community showers to get the dust and sweat off. No one questioning whether she was camping there or not. Maybe they were used to street people wandering in to use the facilities. At any rate, at least she felt clean everyday.

Lisa shook her head again. Try staying in the present, girl. We've got some major thinking to do here. She knew time was running out and she had some major decisions to make. She had just enough money to get her back home. The thought of being almost 52 and having to crawl back to her family or friends, after pulling something like this, made her shudder. Though she knew none of them would turn her away, she also knew they would make her pay for what she had put them through.

She knew if she contacted Steven, as insignificant as he had made her feel, he would still help her out. But then she'd have to listen to him go on and on about how "ALL women ever want a man for is to take care of them." She didn't think she could listen to that again. Tears started welling up in her eyes as she thought about him. She had really loved Steven, not just as a man but as a person and a friend. But during their yearlong friendship he had never seen her as a prospective partner; even though they enjoyed casual sex with each other and she had been a good friend to him. She was always there for him when he needed someone to talk to, when none of his family or other friends were available. Which was most of the time, she thought.

They had a very deep friendship, but Lisa had gotten tired of hearing "I don't think I'll ever meet an honest woman," or "All women ever want is a man's money, his last name and everything he owns." Every time he said things like that, Lisa just wanted to scream "DAH...open your eyes!" Everything he ever talked about that he was looking for in a woman, Lisa was. She wasn't perfect, but she didn't care about his money. And she was fine about never getting married, something neither of them was looking for. But when he talked about finding his best friend and lover, Lisa could never understand how he never saw her as that person.

No...contacting Steven wasn't a good plan. Scrap that, she thought as she looked around at the almost deserted beach. The sun was setting and Lisa knew she had to find another "hiding place" for the night; where no one would pay attention to a woman sleeping in her car. She didn't want to leave here because she had put an application in at the quaint little Assisted Living facility here, and wanted to go back in the morning to see if they would hire her. She drove around until she found a night club a few miles out of town, where, if anyone noticed her they would only think she was "sleeping it off" before trying to drive home. She knew she could at least get a few hours sleep before she had to find somewhere else to park her car. She was so used to having all her belongings in the car, that it didn't occur to her someone might think her situation was unusual.

Lisa woke up some hours later, drowsily looking at the clock. It was 2:30 in the morning. She had been asleep almost five hours. It took a few moments before she realized that the colored flashing lights and the banging on the side of her car, are what woke her up. She looked at the policeman's face peering in through her window. Lisa sat up straight and rolled the window down, hoping that would make him stop holding his flash light in her eyes. It did, but only for a minute while he let the light shine over the interior of the car, looking for who knows what.

She cleared her throat making sure she could speak and asked, "Is there a problem, officer? I was just sleeping after one too many, before I tried to drive home." She tried smiling.

"That would be a good thing," he said, looking at her, " considering home for this car is in NE Ohio."

It hadn't occurred to Lisa that he had already run a trace on her plates. She looked down as she answered, "Well, I just moved here and I've been so busy trying to get settled and working my new job, that I haven't taken the time to get the title transferred over." She tried to look him in the eyes, but lying to someone's face had always been difficult for her; especially after her Mom told her she could always see when she was lying by looking in her eyes.

The policeman flashed his light into the rear of her car, illuminating all that was left of Lisa's life. He looked at her and asked, "If you've been here for two weeks, why is your car still packed with so many things?"

Lisa fumbled for an answer and finally said, "I told you, I've been busy and haven't gotten around to unpacking everything yet."

He looked her in the eyes and Lisa felt her face turn red, sure that he could see she was bold face lying. Isn't that what Mom used to call it, she thought?

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car," he said.

Reluctantly, Lisa unlocked the door and got out. She felt even smaller than she was standing next to the six-foot-three policeman. Being only five feet tall and 102 pounds, Lisa felt insignificant looking up to him. She hadn't felt that feeling since the day she left Ohio.

She dropped her eyes and starting looking at the small crowd that had gathered in the parking lot. Since the club was closing, there hadn't been that many people left when the police car pulled in. They were all staring at her like she was some sort of criminal; mumbling things to each other that Lisa couldn't hear. Well, she thought, I guess I'm getting some attention NOW.

She sighed, thinking how nice it would have been if she had gotten the attention she needed before she felt the need to disappear. If her family or friends had made her feel important maybe she wouldn't be standing here right now. But deep in her heart she knew the real reason she was here was Steven. She had run away. She had run from the heartache; the disappointment in knowing he would never see her as the one he needed. Knowing that he would never love her the way she loved him. That was the real reason she was in this parking lot, facing God knows what from this officer.

That's all behind me now, she thought. I have to deal with this mess right now. And she began looking at the crowd again.

That's when she saw him. Standing next to the squad car with the lights still flashing. She had to filter out the lights to make sure that was who she was looking at, but she knew it was him. She looked up at the officer, who had seen her look in the direction of his car. He nodded toward it and smiled, telling her with his eyes to go on, it's OK.

She didn't run up to him, like she wanted to, but walked over and stood in front him. He was leaning up against the car with his arms folded across his chest. No one folded their arms like he did, sort of like a pretzel with the bottom loop missing. She looked up into his eyes, trying to read his thoughts; wondering what his reaction would be if she threw her arms around his neck and whispered "I love you" in his ear. She was sensing that wouldn't be received very well, so instead she just asked him what he was doing there.

Steven looked down at this small woman who had been a part of his life for almost a year. He thought about all the fun they had when she came over to his house to spend the weekends with him. He remembered all the conversations they had online about life, their dreams, their hopes. He stared into her face now, remembering the frantic feeling he had the day he realized she had just disappeared.

**********

He thought maybe she was just busy when she hadn't appeared online the first couple days, even though that was unusual for her. But he started panicking the third day and called the facility where she worked. When they said she was no longer working there, but wouldn't give anymore information, he knew something was terribly wrong. He could've kicked himself for never asking for someone's phone number that he could call if he needed to get a hold of her. He always, somehow, thought she would always be there. He realized how much he had taken her for granted. And he realized how much that had probably hurt her.

He thought about some of their conversations online and laughed, remembering how competitive they always were. "Must be because we're both Virgo's," he told her once. Seemed like every time he started typing something, she would already have it typed and in the IM box. "You always have to do everything first, don't you, little one?" he told her one day, smiling at the way she could always make him laugh. "Oh...you finally noticed something about me," was her reply.

Despite what she thought though, he had been paying attention. To everything she had ever told him. Stupid, for trying to make her think she wasn't important so she'd never know how hurt I'd be if she left me, he had thought. But his thoughts soon turned to the conversation they had one day about a book she had read years ago. A book about a woman, so discouraged with her life, that she "ran away". Just vanished. And made a whole new life where no one knew anything about her. He also remembered all the talks they had during the winter about "going south." She had always talked about Florida. That was as good as any place to start.

He had talked to law enforcement officials up and down the East and West coasts of Florida for days. And he was getting nowhere fast. Until this morning, when he received a phone call back from the Police Lieutenant in a small town on the Gulf coast. It seems a woman fitting the description and using Lisa's name, had applied for a job at an Assisted Living facility there that morning. Steven immediately drove to the airport and after several minutes, was able to get booked on a flight that would get him within 100 miles of the town. Within an hour he was flying to Florida.

When his plane landed in Tampa, he rented a car and drove to the town where Lisa had applied for the job. It was a quaint little town, similar to what she had described she would like to live in. It didn't take long to find the police station, in fact if he had blinked he would've driven straight through the town. Shaking hands with the lieutenant, he was quickly informed that they still hadn't been able to spot the Saturn she was driving.

Steven knew the chances that she had already moved on to a different town were pretty good. But he was willing to give the lieutenant a bit more time to find the car; hoping she hadn't gone far enough away that he couldn't. He went and checked into the only Motel in town, with the assurance from the Lieutenant that they would contact him there as soon as there was anything to report.

It was six o'clock in the evening and Steven knew it might be a long night ahead, so he laid down on the bed, placing the phone next to him and drifted off to sleep. The phone rang at 1AM and the lieutenant told him they found the car at a club located a few miles right outside of town. He told Steven he'd swing by and pick him up.

He tried not to think about what would happen when they arrived at the club, but his mind wandered back and forth imagining her reaction. She would either run into his arms or she would be hopping mad that he had found her. After all, he wasn't really sure why she had left Ohio...and him.

**********

And here she stood, looking up at him. She hadn't run into his arms, but she didn't look hopping mad either. She just looked alone. Steven slowly unfolded his arms and leaned toward her, not sure how she was going to react when he put his arms around her and whispered "I love you" in her ear.

He didn't need to wonder very long. As soon as Lisa saw his arms unfold and felt him step towards her, she threw her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "I love you!"

Steven smiled as his slid his arms around her and held her tight. He whispered in her ear, "You always have to do everything first, don't you, little one?"