Memoirs of an insomniac.

I cannot sleep, my thoughts will simply not rest. My mind drifts off to exotic places that I may never go. One place to the next there is no end, so many faces, so much that I don't understand. Why will this not stop, I need to rest, I need to prepare for the day that lies ahead. Another day filled with confusion, and most likely…..another sleepless night. Another emotionally-filled bed of thoughts. There is no one else to blame, I bring this upon myself. I know that I can't change anything that I do or say, or anything that I DIDN'T do or say. So why dwell on it? Why must I beat myself up over something that probably would have been a mistake anyway. Would it have been? I don't know...

Endless scenarios make their way through my head, like children on a playground they never grow tired. So much I could have said, so much I could have done. I'm tired of being tired, tired of asking what if? Tired of tasting air from the previous day. A fresh set of hours would be nice. But there would be no reward, not yet anyway. A quick glance at the clock reveals that its already 4am. Where has the time gone? Five hours I've been laying here, with no end in sight.

I stare across the imaginary horizon and see nothing but trees and the long road ahead. Like that pesky fly in the kitchen, or ants at a picnic; my thoughts infect my inner peace. Clouded visions of imaginary situations patrol my brain, a prisoner of my own mind. I know what I didn't do, I know what I didn't say…..I've known for weeks now. So why must this persist? Something isn't right, I know how to fix it but probably never will. So I'll most likely spend the next couple weeks tossing and turning like an Olympic gymnast going the for the gold. Oh well, another wasted night…a prequel to the next wasted day…Goodnight.