Madness

I had that dull, heavy feeling again. My eyes felt like they were weighed down by a ball of lead. My mind started drifting, slowly, as I started to lose focus on the world. I felt my head nod downwards and jerked it back up with a start, taking in my surroundings for a few heart-stopping moments. Thankfully, nothing in the room seemed to have changed. I reminded myself again that whatever happened, I must not fall asleep. "I must not fall asleep"...it was the only thought that hounded me these days. Falling asleep was what started it all, and now....

I forced myself to shake off these thoughts and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Not that it would help. I seemed to have become impervious to caffeine for the past two days. Nothing helped, really. It was like my body just refused to listen to me anymore. The loud screeches and screams of hard rock had caused me to go partly deaf, but no longer had any effect on preventing sleep. I had pinched and slapped myself so often that my skin had turned a faint shade of purple. Earlier this evening, I had taped the bottom of my eyelids to my forehead, but that didn't last too long because the harsh light of the naked bulb hurt too much. Anyways, I got up and trudged to the kitchen. At least making coffee would give me something to do. Anything was better than sitting idle. Sitting idle always caused the fear to start taking hold of me, growing from inside of me like a deep gnawing pain, escalating to the point where I no longer had control over my senses and it was all I could do to keep from screaming...but even screaming didn't help and I would end up locking myself in the bathroom and sit shivering, trembling, rocking to and fro, waiting for it to get hold of me...

"Snap out of it" I told myself sternly, for the second time. "You've made it this far, and you can take it for a few more days. Its only a matter of time before it ends and things return to normal". Forcing myself to ignore the feeble protest that generated in my head, I went about making the coffee. I could not afford to lose hope; it was all that kept me going. 

I gulped down my coffee scalding hot; a habit I'd started this morning. It added to the burns of my already blistered tongue but that didn't matter too much...the pain served to keep me awake. And it was not like I had anyone to talk to anymore, either.

As I downed the coffee, I realized I was running out of supplies fast. I dreaded the thought of leaving home even for an instant. The very thought of what I might face outside caused my throat to go dry, but there was nothing for it. I could not postpone the inevitable any longer. Besides, logic told me, it was better to stock up now, I never knew how long the stores would remain open.

The night was near pitch black, with the streetlights having gone off a couple of days ago. The faint light of the moon cast creepy, unnatural shadows over the trees and nearby buildings, so the road seemed home to a variety of fantastic monsters that changed their shape with each passing glance.  With a shudder, I took my motorbike out of the garage as quickly as I could and headed off to the nearby departmental store. The roads were nearly deserted, with only a few lonely souls walking towards their homes. An unseen dog gave a long mourning howl that caused the hair on my neck to stand on end. Nearby another dog seemed to dragging something away…a dead cat perhaps, but I couldn’t be sure. It was with more than just a sigh of relief that I noticed the brightly lit departmental store after a few minutes.

I entered the familiar, comforting environs of the store, glancing at the ‘Food World’ sign in red neon lettering at the entrance. I grabbed a shopping cart and picked some energy drinks off the refrigerator. As I turned around, I noticed that my way forward was blocked by a shopping cart, full nearly to the brim, on top of which sat a child, two or three years old at the most. His fingers clutched the stick of a lollipop, which he was sucking noisily, and he was staring me with big wide eyes. Nearby a young, attractive woman (his mother, I presumed), was picking a bottle of jam off a shelf. She gave me an apologetic smile as she saw me stuck there. “Oh, I’m sorry” she said, and made to move the cart out of the way, kid and all. After weeks of staying alone and avoiding any human contact, this brief interaction suddenly seemed so…normal, routine. Like there was nothing wrong with the world. It gave me a sense of comfort and I felt myself relax, the tension of weeks slipping away. I must have smiled back at the woman without realizing it, for she looked at my cart and remarked “Long night ahead?” As I nodded, she looked out of the window and went on “Not exactly a pleasant night to stay up late, is it? All dark and gloomy”. I felt the tension ebb away further as I replied jokingly “Yes, well, nights usually are”.

Just as I was feeling this sudden surge of happiness, she turned back to me and said “Long night ahead?” I glanced at her with a start, as I felt a cold, gripping sensation starting in the pit of my stomach. “Not exactly a pleasant night to stay up late, is it?” She went on “All Dark and Gloomy”. As I stared at her, the kid slowly removed the lollipop out of his mouth without taking his eyes off me, and with a shock I noticed that there was no lollipop. He had been sucking an empty stick all this while…with all those suckling noises and looks of enjoyment. His mouth started to stretch into a grin…only it wasn’t exactly a grin…the edges of his mouth seemed to stretch outwards in a macabre, leering fashion, and I noticed that he was missing several teeth. An inhuman sound of “Gnnnnnnnhhhhhhh” escaped his lips. His eyes had not left me for an instant and he seemed to be looking at me in a greedy, almost hungry fashion. The woman, in the meantime, was looking at me with a blank, empty expression and saying “Long night ahead?…”

I bolted. I turned down a side corridor and ran as fast as I could down the long narrow aisle. As I neared the far end I saw a man unscrewing the top off a detergent bottle, and giving it to a tiny little girl who was holding his shirttails. The child started to gulp the detergent down, while giving me that same wide-eyed look. Just as the man was starting to look up at me, I clambered to the top of the shelf on my right and leapt down the other side, sending a bunch of tins crashing down in the process. Shoving a couple more shoppers roughly aside, I rushed out of the entrance, noticing out of the corner of my eye that the woman with the child had opened the jam bottle, dug three fingers in and was licking the jam off them, a stain of red around her mouth.

Just as I was rushing out of the store, I felt hands grabbing me from behind. I lunged and twisted, trying to get free, but it was useless. The hands refused to let go and I fell to the ground with a scream of fear. 

It was the guard on duty who had grabbed me. He looked at me with a curious expression, as if I was the crazy one, then reached down and pulled me back up to my feet. He looked me standing there empty-handed, then apparently convinced I hadn’t stolen anything, handed me my keys, which I had probably dropped in my mad scramble. As I snatched them from him, I realized he was completely unaware about what was happening inside the store. As I held back a moment to warn him, I noticed he was staring at the few passers-by on the street with the same curious expression. And then, slowly but surely, he started to imitate them. It took me a few seconds to realize what he was doing and in that time his actions had speeded up considerably. More than an imitation, it was a gruesome parody, like he was mocking the actions of his subjects. A smile portrayed as a hideous grimace, conversations conveyed as a succession of mad cackling sounds, hands moving around frantically to exaggerate the movements of passers by, head turning side to side, sweating slightly, staring at each pedestrian for a second or two before turning away again...it was a gruesome spectacle but an enthralling one, all the same. As I stared at him, spellbound, he turned towards me, slowly. He was still for a moment, then his lips spread into that same unnatural leer and he went “Gnnnnnnhhhhh”

Fear galvanized me. I found I could move my legs again, and rushed towards the bike. As I turned the key and started her up, I couldn’t help glancing at a store for a moment. The five of them, the man, woman, two kids and the guard were standing still, next to each other and staring at me. Just before I sped away, I noticed that the signboard now read “Food Wyrld”.

As I turned into a side street, I noticed a group of cats dragging something away…it looked like a dead dog…nearby a man was pedaling away on a bicycle, staring straight ahead…he didn’t seem to notice that the cycle was on its stand, so it was immobile and the back wheel wasn’t touching the ground…a couple of children were hanging upside down from the branch of a tree…

I refused to believe what I was seeing…the thought that I could have been responsible for this was too much to bear. But I had only just dozed off for a few seconds…no, it could not be, certainly…no way was it possible. But…maybe that was enough? Maybe that was all it took…what had I done? And now…I was alone, wasn’t I? Trapped, alone, in a perpetual nightmare…

With an effort, I swallowed down the bile that had risen in my throat. A small bit of defiance still remained in me and I clung on with desperate hope. I would escape…yes…that was it. Flee from this place and go somewhere else…as far away as possible…far from this madhouse where it could not reach me…yes…escape was the only option…

Without realizing it, I had reached home. I wondered if I had time to pack a few things together before I left. Although I was petrified at the thought of getting off my bike, I realized I needed to pack some basic stuff if I was leaving indefinitely… no way was I entering a shop again. Besides…it was only a short dash to my house and I could lock myself inside. Steeling myself, I made a run for it. Ran through the driveway, took a turn, went up the stairs two at a time, rushed to the door, undid the catch with trembling fingers, slipped in and slammed it shut behind me. As I turned around, trying to catch my breath, I caught sight of the shadowy figure in front of me. 

It was standing a few feet ahead. I could not make out its face clearly in the darkness, but by the dim outline, the shape seemed familiar. It looked like…wait…it was my landlord! He was standing there, motionless…as if waiting for me to say something. “Hello?” I called out weakly, with a quivering voice. No response. I called out his name again, and ventured a step forward hesitantly. Still no response, no movement at all.

“My mother’s eating dog in a hospital” he suddenly blurted out. “Um…what did you say?” I asked him hesitantly, although the words could not have been clearer. “Mother’s eating…eating breakfast in the horrible hospital. Mother lying dead on the dog’s bloody lap, eating and drinking breakfast and watching the dog die in blood” he said in a conversational tone, like he was discussing the weather forecast. “Do you want to die in blood?” he finished, and stood staring at me again. I started to step back slowly, unobtrusively towards the door, but to my horror he was walking towards me, and before I could reach the door he had reached me and gripped my hand firmly with his own. “I am dying mother and do you want to die in blood with me?” he repeated, this time in a high-pitched voice. His hand seemed strangely cold and clammy. “Let go” I yelled and shoved him away from me with all my strength, noticing his vest also seemed wet and clammy. I unbolted the door with fumbling fingers and dashed out, but not before he caught hold of my shirt and was pulling me back, screaming “I want to go to the dead hospital”. Then I heard a ripping sound, I was suddenly free…taking the steps in a single bound…falling and feeling a sharp pain in my knees…then up again and running to the bike…and then finally I was out, riding god knows where. 

For a while I rode, not caring what I was doing or where I was going…unaware of anything or anybody around me. After what seemed like an eternity, I forced myself to slow down and took a few deep gulps of air to calm myself. Looking around, I found myself in a strange part of town. At least, that’s what it seemed, given the complete and total darkness ahead of me. The darkness was unnatural, like a thick black curtain enveloping the night…my headlight only illuminating the road a few feet ahead of me. The moon seemed to have disappeared completely. I was tired, struggling to keep awake, my knees starting to throb with pain, ripped shirt…but I had to go on, had to get out of this place.  Faint with fear, horror and lack of sleep, I rode on.

I saw the kid from the store walk past my headlight… a wriggling cockroach at the end of his lollipop stick.

My landlord walking towards me, dragging a dead dog along.

The man on the stationary cycle, still pedaling away furiously.

The two kids on the tree, silently swinging back and forth.

They all turned and looked at me with wide eyes as I passed by.

I saw a bright light ahead of me and slowed. As I neared, I saw it was the same departmental store. But wait…something was wrong with the picture. The store was on my right…but it had to be on my left…even through my sleep-induced haze, I knew that Food World was on the left side of the road. And…wait…wasn’t I in a different part of town? As I passed, I noticed that the signboard now read “Food Wyrggh”. The security guard now had long unkempt hair that reached below his shoulders and was crawling down the steps. The shutters were closed but through the grille I could make out people putting empty, discarded cans from their shopping carts to the shelves. One woman cleared out some cans and put her baby there instead.

Suddenly, I saw a bright light ahead of me. It was a car…but the driver was on the wrong side of the road, heading straight at me. I swerved to the left, but the car swerved too. I tried moving to the right but the car made the same adjustment. In increasing panic, I flashed my lights and clamped down on the horn, but the car kept coming. There were only a few feet separating us now…in a desperate, last ditch effort I swerved hard and went on to the pavement, and then…the blinding light was in my face, blotting out everything else, the loud, sickening sound of a crash and I was flying through the air, felt myself hit the road once, twice, roll over a few times and then…complete darkness.

A light shining brightly into my eyes…voices talking in whispers…the splash of cold water on my face…I opened my eyes, slowly, fearfully. I was bathed in light…I was in the full glare of a halogen streetlamp…people gathered around me, some whispering, others talking loudly. I tried to get up but felt white-hot pain searing through the back of my head and lay down again with a gasp. Someone kneeled down beside me…I saw it was the security guard…his hair had somehow shrunk again, and he no longer had that mad look in his eyes. He was saying “Relax…try not to move your head. You were driving on the wrong side of the road…got hit by a car…we’ll be moving you to a hospital”. I saw my landlord nearby, standing next to another man…probably the driver of the car, thanking him for using my cell phone to call him. He stopped and looked at me curiously as he saw me move. I turned my head feebly and saw Food World on my left…the sign was spelling out the right words now.

I could not believe it. The madness had somehow disappeared…the world had returned to normal again! All the signs were pointing to it…I felt a surge of warm, sunny happiness flow through me…it was going to be alright! Maybe the crash had caused the madness to end…my blacking out could have reversed the process…maybe that was all that was needed, to fall asleep again. I gave out a sudden, shrill laugh that had relief, happiness and disbelief all combined…heard someone else tell me to relax…and heard the sirens of an approaching ambulance.

I was in the hospital, in a long, white corridor. Somehow clean, pure and pristine after all the blackness. A strong smell of medicine all around. I looked up…the pain had lessened somewhat…and saw I was strapped to a stretcher. A doctor was standing next to me, dressed in a green smock. There was a police inspector next to him, and he was talking to the landlord and the security guard. “He was running all around the shop earlier this evening” the guard was saying. “Rushed off in mid-conversation with a lady…jumped over some shelves…and kept looking at me like I was crazy while I was asking him if he was ok…” Wait, I thought to myself, this isn’t right…that isn’t what happened! I opened my mouth to explain but found I couldn’t speak beyond a whisper. The doctor noticed me and said, not unkindly “Don’t try to speak. You’ve been badly injured in the accident. We’ve given you some strong painkillers…try to go back to sleep”. In the meantime, my landlord was telling the inspector “I was standing outside his door…he started talking nonsense and tried to run away. I tried stopping him but he ripped my shirt and ran off”. All four of them looked at me worriedly, the doctor was saying something about a scan. I tried explaining, again…about the madness, about the fear, about how I set it right with the crash, but no sound came out…I started to nod off again.

I felt the stretcher being wheeled away and looked back at my landlord, the security guard and the inspector. Somehow, something suddenly felt wrong. They had stopped talking and were all staring at me. The doctor, for some reason, seemed to be sucking his pen. Was it my imagination, or did their eyes actually grow wider? And the landlord was smiling…but…for some reason it seemed more than a smile…as their figures receded, I could make out a faint sound of “Gnnnnnhhh” through my sleep-induced haze.

The last thing I saw before my eyes closed, was the signboard on the room ahead of me. It read “Operation Thryggh”

And then I was enveloped in blackness.