What makes a "Good" Parent?

It recently came to my attention that my personal parenting skill has been under the microscope.  Always having considered myself a good parent, both in my interaction with my children, as well as with my ex-husband, it struck me as strange that someone would cast doubt on my parenting methods.  I refuse to bore my audience defending my parenting; instead I choose to argue “What makes a Good parent”?

•          First and foremost, it cannot be said enough, love your child.  Take every opportunity to say that you love them.  Being openly affectionate can lead to many benefits in the future of the child. 

•          Recognize your child for the individual that they are.  No two children are alike, and even though they may resemble you, they are not you.  You may have a child that loves sports and one that can’t stand to be outdoors.  Consider the individuality of each child a blessing and pursue ways to expand on that.  Open your mind to the possibilities. 

•          Don’t push your child into pursuits that they are not interested in.  That is easy to say, but because parents often want the best for them, they assume that their idea is always what is best.  Let the child choose their extra curricular pursuits.  If your child shows no interest in sports, but loves puzzles, follow through by working puzzles and making challenges for the child.  (Note:  Do not feel like a bad parent if your child does not like sports, some kids are just not comfortable with team sports.)

•          Discipline your child.  That is not to say that you have to spank your child or beat them unmercifully.  Choose the method that works best for your child.  Follow through with the punishment.  If you tell your child no treats, don’t give in just because he turns on the puppy dog eyes welled with tears and says he is sorry.  You are the adult in your relationship and should be the master manipulator.

•          Be involved in the schooling.  Get to know your child’s teachers.  Ask questions regarding how your child is performing and interacting with other students.  Make sure that you are checking homework, but not doing it for the child.  Ask your child questions about his/her day and find out what he likes and dislikes about his learning experience.  Take the teachers recommendations seriously, even if you don’t agree with them, do the research before you decide not to listen.

•          Get to know the other children and their parents.  Your child will learn many things from the friends he/she chooses.  Be involved and proactive in getting to know the environment of the children that your child attaches to.  (You wouldn’t want your child to go into a house filled with Satanism or unsafe practices.)

•          Celebrate the small things in a positive way. 

•          Pick your battles.  I read an article when I was pregnant with my first child that said that phrase.  It is such a simple creed and what it means is to not sweat the small stuff.  Save the battles for the big things.

While there are loads of other points that I could make, these are the ones that stand out the most as I struggle along the road of parenthood.  Some of these are easier said than done, and I can tell you that all parents will make mistakes along the way.  Just as your child is trying to find his identity, so are you too as a parent.  All of us make mistakes and the sign of a good job is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child. 

For those of you with a split family (as in a divorced or separated situation with your child’s other parent), I encourage you to put your differences aside and remember that the most important part of your relationship is not your anger, but your child.    As my wonderful ex-husband said to me just last week, I was a good wife, but I make a better ex-wife.  Speaking as a woman that had to readjust her whole view of a family unit when I went through my divorce, I can tell you that it takes a lot of work and understanding in order to put your past hurts and anger aside, but it can be done.  Our children are happy and healthy and know their place in the world.  They love both of us, and I think that they are growing well because of the relationship that their father and I maintain.  We are very much a whole family unit, just as much as if we all still lived together, maybe even a better one because we don’t fight anymore.

We all make mistakes.  We all make bad decisions.  There are times that we want to be selfish and put ourselves before our children.  The sign of a good parent is one that chooses to make their decisions with their children involved.  I can tell you that when in doubt, ask.  There are many avenues available to help parents with questions.  While you may not want to sound like you don’t know something, it is much better to ask then to worry and wonder if you are making the right decision.  We all have our own impression of what makes a parent a good parent or a bad one.  Far be it for me to judge another parent on the way that they choose to raise their children.  As long as there is no abuse or cruelty and the child is happy, healthy, and clean, then the parent is doing the best that they can.  A good parent is not judged by how much money they spend on their child but by how much love they give to their child.  God bless and happy parenting!