Where's Calvin?

"Omigod... omigod, omigod... MOM! DAD!!"

"When I was his age, Saturday mornings were for cartoons, ooooh...."

"Marty, inside voice. It's much too early to be shouting."

"The monster under my bed ate Calvin!"

"What makes you think something ate Calvin, don't you remember..."

"Honey, I think this is a "Dad" thing, I recall you helped Marty with that little toilet incident. Could you get some coffee going?"

"Okay Marty, I thought we had this monster tamed. Remember not to say anything about this to Mom, I'm sure she'd be scared."

"I ran out of cookies Dad! I put three out each night like you said, on the dresser next to the door and they were gone in the morning! No more monster growls. But Mom wouldn't buy any more cookies when we were at the store. She said something about you needing to get to the gym more, which doesn't have anything to do with monsters, right? Maybe we should tell her."

"So where does Calvin come into this story, son?"

"I got scared last night. You weren't home yet so I told Calvin that the monster might get me since I didn't have anymore cookies to feed it. Instead of laughing at me he told me he would help if I would give him my dessert. Sure!"

"Yes, your brother can surprise us now and then. So how did he "help" you."

"We traded beds until Mom buys more cookies! He said he was probably too big for the monster to eat him, but he was wrong!"

"So what makes you think the monster ate Calvin?"

"Let me show you Dad. See, I slept in Calvin's room, and here, he slept in mine. When I got up this morning I wanted to get some little people and play, so I quietly snuck into my room so I wouldn't wake Calvin, but he wasn't there! He wasn't downstairs either. And look at this..."

"Is that blood?!"

"Yeah, like I said, the monster ate him! Shouldn't we call the FBI or somebody?"

"Hmmmm, Marty, its only a little blood on the sheets, you know how your brother gets nose bleeds."

"But look! There's a trail to the closet! THATS WHERE THE MONSTER LIVES!! Can I have his room?"

"Or, he had a nose bleed and tried to get to the bathroom, which in his room is where your closet door is, he forgot he was in your room, see?"

"But Dad, where's Calvin if the monster didn't eat him? If we had a body we could find out if the monster has claws or tentacles, maybe get some monster DNA."

"No more CSI for you buddy, why don't you go search the house again and don't forget to see if his bike is in the garage."


"Here's your coffee, Cookie Monster. So when are you going to tell him that Calvin left for his boy scout camping trip at six o'clock this morning?"

"When you make sure his backpack is gone..."