Her wall

Leave me.
I’m pleading,
Leave me.
Do you understand?
Can you hear the static behind my words?
The humming crackling scratching.
Long jagged rips in the flesh.
I’m learning to love the pain,
It took some time, but I find myself smiling
with blood-stained lips from kissing the wounds.
So do it again.
And leave me, bleeding.

Don’t come near me,
Growling and hissing.
Did you hear me?
Frantic panic skulking shadow-quiet.
A dull ache.
I know it, like an enemy. Or an old friend?
No tears tonight.
Not again.
No comfort tonight,
Bathing in the acid rain.
Your corroding sting makes me laugh,
It’s all I have left.

Push me away!
Volume raised and voice straining.                              
You will always build this wall between us,
Looming and impenetrable.
The desperate time has been and gone,
When I would break myself against it
Just to get to you,
Because I could not stand to see you hurt.
Now I am defeated and we are divided.
The wall rises in black scorn.
You never seemed to care,
Each snub is another sharp brick. 

So don’t come close,
I’ll survive on my own.
The lie is a hard pebble on my tongue...
I swallow it down, choking as it slides home. 
Don’t come pretending,
With a cold smile
And a cold knife behind your back.
The ice in your eyes has frozen me numb.
Tired of trying... I’ll stop fighting.
Here are my last snarled good byes.
Stay at a distance,
So I can’t feel you anymore.

Dead quiet now.
Just the wall.
And the pain.